Is there a name for this thing that seems to happen all the time on feminist threads? It happens on other subjects too,, but it's very noticeable on feminism.

I would call this derailing. I've described here what I think is a good way of understanding this phenomenon.

Isn't it that these comments come from individuals who have once heard someone, for example, refer to a group of men as "boys" and so from this infer it is as likely as being called "girls"? They then use this single experiential instance to interrupt the flow of an argument that is based NOT on single incidentals but on what is typical.

We could say that TYPICALLY grown women are referred to unthinkingly as girls and there is much evidence for this in testimony, in addition it can be easily observed in daily life. Men are also sometimes referred to as boys but this can't be described as either a typical pattern of behaviour or easily observable outside of the individual experience. This individual instance then helps to prove the rule that women are often inappropriately called girls.

My last point is that appropriateness is key. Calling a group of men boys has an indisputable chumminess to it, bringing the men into an "in group", creating a sense of lightheartedness and jollity but also a sense of strength. All boys together, jobs for the boys, boys will be boys, etc.. Calling a group of women girls can have (depending on the speaker) a patronising 'fun' effect that creates a sense of frivolity though ideas about naivety, youth, beauty etc. In any situation this can be inappropriate and undermining but in a professional situation it is very unhelpful to anyone trying to be taken seriously, to say the least.

I think this argument helps clear up other types of derailing such as not all men arguments.

I'm 52 and I've never ever heard a man described as bubbly

Your words Jiggly referring to "bubbly" no qualification about "boy". You may not have heard it but "bubbly" is used for male entertainers like James Corden and it appears frequently in obituaries.

Bertrand the Original post on the thread you are writing about read:

*After watching the gender neutral school experiment, we realised DH routinely calls DS buddy, mate and champ as pet names, and DD sweetie.

They're both very young still so ample time to change this if we want. But it's so hard to think of non gendered terms of affection. All we've come up with is darling.

Are there any more?*

---------

It was about people's personal experiences of endearments for children.

It really is offputting to then start a sneery thread about how people have responded to that specific thread with their own experiences of using endearments for children.

I totally agree with the point about using gendered agreements for adults - it is absolutely offensive to use endearments, especially cute, sexual, gendered, or childish endearments for adults and especially for adults you don't know.

However starting a thread accusing people of derailing a thread about personal experience of using endearments for children by posting personal experience of using endearments for children is so offputting. It smacks of "if you don't fallow the unwritten rules, know the codes, toe the line, you are not welcome and will be sneered at". I thought the entire point of Feminist chat was that those who are not academic feminists are "allowed" to chat in a a less formal way without being sneered at for not saying the "right" things all the time.

I want to read and post on these boards but things like this really put me off!

Jiggly, I'm actually on your side. If the person says "everyone says/does" disagree and change the angle you coming from. Oh and NEVER say google returns zero results....

www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=which-bubbly-boy-is-your-type

My dp calls our 16 year old ds "darling boy" on occasion. I have never heard another father call a teenage boy anything similar, so it would be wrong of me to extrapolate from that single example

So does my husband to my son. I don't think he would do so outside the home but who knows what terms parents use in private.

@ enoughisenough12 since when has feminism been solely for women to discuss and champion?

It's not my bias, Lass. Google bubbly boy. Zero hits. Then google bubbly girls - tons of articles about bubbly girls.

We all come from different places so it may very well be true where the postergascone from and reflects their life experience just as your opinion on the matter likely effects your life experience. I for one have never heard of anyone over thirty as being referred to as either boy or girl. Where I grew up mate was fairly non-gendered although men were more likely to use it. In the U.K. It seems to be r served for men. But that is just what I have seen. I know that indifferent countries, classes, generations etc the social rules differ.

JigglyTuff

But that is the whole basis of the argument. If someone comes on and says 'oh but men are regularly referred to as bubbly boys too' then how do you move on? It's totally designed to shut down the conversation

No Jiggly it is to challenge your bias that "bubbly" is never used about men. "Bubbly boy" perhaps not , but bubbly - yes.

Initially I always wondered why men popped up so tediously often on the Feminism board - then as I read their mansplaining texts I understood why .
It's a free country and all that but there's an inbuilt arrogance in so many of their contributions that's just so .... predictable.

Confirmation bias works both ways. There was a thread about "bubbly" (on its own, no boy or girl attached) which posters were determined was never, could never , ever be applied to a man despite being shown examples of it being applied to men (often those in light entertainment) and it appearing frequently in the obituaries of young men.

But that is the whole basis of the argument. If someone comes on and says 'oh but men are regularly referred to as bubbly boys too' then how do you move on? It's totally designed to shut down the conversation

Eh?

@popchyk would men be as welcome on weaning boards as they are elsewhere.

There must be a name for the phenomenon of blokes deciding that they don't like women discussing feminist things on the Feminism board on Mumsnet and doing the merail thing on here. If you want a headcount of the men on mumsnet, you only need to start a thread in Feminism to flush them out.

You encounter few men in Weaning and Housekeeping. I will say that.

Next post: "How do you know? GigglyBrenda82 could easily be a bloke".

So my point stands then. Tackle the issue at hand not the one off personal experience of another. Just because you haven't seen/heard something doesn't mean it doesn't happen (however rare that may be) By denying another's experience you've lost the argument before it's begun. Accept what they're saying and move on.

Not sure what I'm adding to the discussion here, but I remember the dry cleaner calling me mate and telling dh it made me think he was a good bloke. So I guess I'm saying it does happen but so rarely it is sort of the exception that proves the rule? And surely it also shows how low the/my bar is.

I don't think it is used less to woman than men

It is, though.

where you are, and in your experience, not where I am and in my experience, that does not give you the right to say my experience is invalid.

I agree that langauge is impportant and should be equal and often isn't.

I disagree that people who's experience is different to your s are to be sneered at.

Personally, I very rarely use a term of endearment to strangers, and if I do, it is the same one to everybody, young or old, male or female.

It's stupid @manclife because I think it's untrue. And, as has been explained on this thread, some women and men will always argue that the patriarchy affects men and women equally.

I'm 52 and I've never ever heard a man described as bubbly. Or feisty. Or virginal. Or coy. Or shrill. Or heard men call one another love.

Now obviously, that doesn't mean that it never happens but it happens so infrequently that raising it is just another NAMALT designed to shut down conversation about gendered language.

I think I'm guilty of this a bit, because often I'll read "this never happens" and I know for a fact it does, because I've witnessed it, so I feel compelled to say so.
This doesn't just apply to this forum by the way, but in real life, other forums, totally unrelated topics.
On this forum I might read "men never do this" or "women never do this" and, well they do.
Mostly I keep quiet about it because I agree with the premise of the post and don't want my post to detract from it, and also I don't want to derail the thread.

Copper beech:

I'd leave em to it, cock.