Is there a name for this thing that seems to happen all the time on feminist threads? It happens on other subjects too,, but it's very noticeable on feminism.

I did say in my first post I'm somewhat guilty of it myself

No one said it was all stacked against women did they deydodoo?

Not in this thread, maybe, but it is often said on this and other forums.

Very interesting article about gendered language and unconscious bias by Siri Hustvedt: lithub.com/knausgaard-writes-like-a-woman/

No one said it was all stacked against women did they deydodoo? People are insisting that gendered language doesn't exist at all - which is patent nonsense.

I read that as "bully boy" then realised there is no equivalent phrase for females...
Honestly, I'm conflicted, there are many negative gendered phrases that only apply to men or only apply to women, and positive ones.
I'm not convinced it's all stacked against women.

Bubbly boy? That's got to be imagined though hasn't it?!

Try reading the thread.

When I started uni my grandparents came to visit me in my new campus accommodation. I have this funny memory of my grandad saying "alright love" to one female housemate and "alright mate" to the other female housemate - the lesbian who wore a very short haircut and men's clothing... He clearly thought she was a bloke!

Bubbly boy? That's got to be imagined though hasn't it?!

In my circle of friends men and women DO call each other mate so it may be that the posters aren't totally making it up.

HOWEVER I recognise I was lucky to grow up at a time and in a scene where no one thought twice about men and women being friends, we hung out in large mixed groups.

And, I would be being willfully blind or stupid to not realise that this is not how the rest of the world tends to operate - strangers call my OH mate, not me.

Bubbly boy? That's got to be imagined though hasn't it?!

Oh yes Absolutely but that's not what we're looking for a name for.

well, the first theory you give, thinking that my experience = normal experience is narrow mindedness, to give it a polite term.

Oh and I meant to say I wish there was a name for it, it would make it a lot easier to call people out on it like 'hey, stop fannifying this discussion' or whatever...

Hello, bit late to the party but yes I completely know what you mean.

I think it comes from some people not being able to consider that their own experiences might be in the minority.

So for example, the chat about the use of 'mate', I read many of your observations on that front and sat here thinking 'wow, I never realised me and [particular group of female friends] were so unusual in referring to each other as mate!'.

Whereas some people assume that normal for them = normal for everyone. So would think 'me and my friends use mate all the time therefore everyone must use it all the time.'

I think lots of the time it's also partly due to the institutionalised acceptance of certain terms, so the frequency with which they are used no longer registers. For example 'love' (I appreciate there's a regional variation on this one too but just for the sake of example), women get called love very often, far more than men, however I think some people have ceased to notice when women are even called it. So they simply know that women get called it, AND can remember some times men were called it too so conclude men AND women are called this equally. Because they can't recognise the inequality in the frequency.

Just theories... but I think they're relevant.

Also Bertrand just want to say I always enjoy your intelligent input on threads.

No I do not owe you an apology.

Your comprehension skills are lacking for starters. I did not say you chose to minimise that child's death- that is your spin.

Goodness knows how you have managed to come up with this from what I said You seem to be saying that to assert that it is a phrase that is used less often for men is to dismiss the pain and loss felt by that poor boy who was called it. I mean, what the actual fuck?! (although it is so garbled I'm struggling to make any sense out of it)

You came up with what you thought was a terribly witty little phrase. You had ample opportunity afterwards to concede it wasn't as witty, far less accurate, than you thought but made no attempt to do so. And are still not doing so.

You are complaining what I posted is shocking and manipulative but you still can't admit you were wrong even in the face of a recent event showing just how wrong you are.

Manipulative yes, shocking no.

Yet at least 2 posters continued to argue oh no this is word is never used about men.

Not never. But less often. You seem to be saying that to assert that it is a phrase that is used less often for men is to dismiss the pain and loss felt by that poor boy who was called it. I mean, what the actual fuck?!

Your logic is so flawed and normally that just bemuses me but now you are being insulting.

Once again, my comment was made an hour before yours and I didn't minimise that boy's death in any way. You owe me an apology.

Rita, I mentioned obituaries several times as it was a point which I had noticed the last time this discussion was raised. Yet at least 2 posters continued to argue oh no this is word is never used about men.

I note that despite it becoming clear the expression is used you didn't have the grace to acknowledge your own bias or that your oh so clever little comment was wrong and offensive.

You are complaining what I posted is shocking and manipulative but you still can't admit you were wrong even in the face of a recent event showing just how wrong you are.

It was meant to hit home to you and Jiggly yet you still won't admit how you wrong you were. Your attempt to clamber on to the high ground now is pretty unimpressive.

Lass, my comment about the "Bubbly Boy Law" that you saw fit to quote was made two pages before the mention of obituaries came onto the thread.

I appreciate that you get a kick out of playing devil's advocate on these threads with your exhausting whataboutery but you are going too far with that sick comment, implying that I care more about about a political point than the death of a child, of a human being.

It's pretty fucking offensive and manipulative and the kind of emotional "gotcha" crap that the Daily Fail would be proud of.

JigglyTuff

Wow - we were talking about adults. I'm appalled by you capitalising on a child's death to make your point Lass. That's utterly disgusting behaviour. You should be wholly ashamed

Oh cut it out.

I'm appalled at the gleefulness with which "bubbly boy law" was grabbed at having remembered how often the phrase "bubbly" appeared in obituaries the last time this was discussed.

"Oh it's never used about men" which was untrue then and untrue now. And it is used about men- I found loads of obituaries of men where it was used.

You clearly had your own bias and don't like it being pointed out you were wrong so don't start climbing on to the high ground now.

Wow - we were talking about adults. I'm appalled by you capitalising on a child's death to make your point Lass. That's utterly disgusting behaviour. You should be wholly ashamed

ifyousee said it better...and posher...and shorter

I'm guilty of using guys to term a mixed group of friends. But I've heard it from my peers most of my life and don't make the assumption it's someone trying masculinise the females in the group.

Suzy homemaker - now there's a phrase I can fucking do without. No guy would ever call another doing domestic things Johnny homemaker. Makes my blood boil

Most gender neutral terms come from the male default. Women are other.

A guy is a man in most online dictionaries

Guys may mean both sexes

But i don't understand how singular means man and plural means men and women

So i reckon it is gendered...and has just been redefined

Well you could but given how often "bubbly" appears in obituaries of men and is almost the default descriptor for boys and young men, including a 7 year old boy killed in the Barcelona attack, you might come across as a bit crass.

Oh for god's sake Lass don't be emotionally manipulative. That's pretty sick implying that I don't care.

Well you could but given how often "bubbly" appears in obituaries of men and is almost the default descriptor for boys and young men, including a 7 year old boy killed in the Barcelona attack, you might come across as a bit crass Yes. it's actually made me tear up a bit. All these men and boys who have died in accidents and been described as 'bubbly' I had no idea.