What's wrong with being a SAHM?

The main difference between using your education AH and OH is obviously financial. Unless you have independent wealth or are confident you'd get a lot of money/assets/pension pot in the event of divorce you are financially dependent on your partner, which is a big risk.

It's disingenuous to talk about SAHPs: the vast majority are SAHMs.

It irks me that women are so underrepresented in many working fields and at senior level and men so underrepresented in SAH and PT working.

I don't see why women being supported to have enjoyable careers and happy family lives is remotely detrimental.

Men consider this perfectly doable.

And butterfly demonstrates that contemptuous attitude I talked about earlier beautifully in her post.

What's the difference between using my education to educate my own children and being paid to use it to educate other people's children? Only the 'being paid' part. For me success doesn't automatically mean financial success, and there's nothing feminist about thinking it does.

Sorry I haven't RTFT. But most people don't make their intention to leave work permanently widely known as it can affect enhanced mat leave entitlement. Which I'm guessing as a high earner you may be entitled to in your role.

People might be making you 'feel weird' about your lack of common sense about this if you are widely broadcasting your long term intentions to your possible financial detriment.

Butterfly's post kindly demonstrates the level of twatishness you will be subjected to as a sahp!

Well, I never have been personally, but it's clearly out there. Can't be nice for kids to think that one of their parents regards spending time with them as "literally giving up", but it takes all sorts....

My husband's job is to provide for our family, mine is to look after the household and raise our children.

Like any job it has goods and bad days, it can be boring as hell or super rewarding.

I am totally financially dependent on my husband, I don't see this as a failing or a weak point, I'm lucky to have a husband that does provide.

I think the idea of 'having it all', being made to feel you have to have a great career and a family is more detrimental to women's rights than relying on a partner for income. Equally he relies on me for running the house and childcare and he'd be equally screwed if i fucked off and left him.

Just to add OP that good parenting has nothing to do with sah or woh. If you want to be a good parent then you will be, regardless of whether you work ft, pt or not at all, outside of the home.
My own mum did a mix of woh and sah. My dad woh - both were amazing parents. My dh works a lot, but he is a fabulous dad - nothing is too much trouble for our children.
Good parenting is about loving your children, giving them time and attention, teaching them how to be decent human beings etc. Not everyone does this in exactly the same way, but if your children's physical, emotional and financial needs are met then you are doing a good job.

This is just a general remark not aimed at the poster but people mentioned abuse earlier on and how it is often a slow process with them testing the waters so to speak.

Men often start abuse when they marry or when a child comes along. It's a noted pattern amongst DV charities and studies that have been done.

Butterfly's post kindly demonstrates the level of twatishness you will be subjected to as a sahp!

There is no such thing as a wasted education. People don't just go to school in order to generate money - learning has intrinsic value. It helps to shape who we are. Human worth is not defined by what job a person does.

My education has been quite handy in helping my own dc. I did a good job in getting them through the GCSE and A Level years, so hardly wasted

@Drylce I thought this was a very good statement that can be applied to a lot of "is doing X feminist?" questions

I would never presume to tell an individual that she is making the wrong choice for her.
But in large numbers, these decisions contribute to a world where men and women have very different options and outcomes particularly in relation to work and family.

*brothers

Usually auto-correct torments me, when I actually need it, it fails me.

and they make a big difference to their children. Dd is in a class with a fake number of SAHP and their dc generally get a lot more attention than mine

Both my parents work full time and have excellent careers - in terms of parenting, I'd say I've had a perfect upbringing. Our family home life is great, we're all so close, I have so many joyous memories of family time and still love spending time with parents. My brothers and I have never had a lack of attention, far from it. One lot of my cousins have one SAHP and if anything I'd say my brothred and I are closer to our parents than them - we certainly do more things together.

You'd probably want to be a better role model for your children. What's the point of raising your kids so that they can be as successful as possible if you're modelling complete non-success? Literally giving up. What a waste of an education!

I'm a sahm and everyone seems to have an opinion on it I even started to try and justify it in the first sentence- 'I'm at home with the kids but im studying and do voluntary work etc' but it's not really anyone else's business as a partnership me and Dh decided it made sense for various reasons.
I think sometimes it's people projecting what their feelings or situation is onto you ultimately it comes down to personal family circumstances and what would work best- I do find it quite grinding though that some people are so quick to judge sahm I don't judge parents who stay at home/work part time or work full time as it's got absolutely nothing to do with me!

fake? Large!

I've had a nanny and the key differences are that your hours end, you have time off and someone else usually does the main cleaning, cooking and organising. With children, you're often caring for them in the day when you're had 4 hours sleep for several nights running and no time to have even a shower in peace.

SAHP are undervalued as all carers are in our society, and they make a big difference to their children. Dd is in a class with a fake number of SAHP and their dc generally get a lot more attention than mine.

There's no real need to completely stop work if your employer will give you part time hours, most women I know do pt work.

Yeh but what I mean is whaynjappens next?

Most people have 2'kids so a woman is SAHM mum say aged 30-48 then what? How does she financially survive after?

Most companies would in CV with a 2 year career break whatever anyone thinks / I've seen it happen.

So do all SAHMs volunteer in charity shops or have to work with kids in after school clubs or re train as TAs?

All my aunts / mother couldn't find work and some became care assistants and check out workers ages 50 and facing poverty in retirement due to divorce and long life span

What will you do?

Saucy

One persons nightmare is another's heaven.
Maybe women can't afford to be sahm's but we aren't all starving.

Has anyone mentioned pensions?

No way would I ever be a SAHM unless I had £150k min projected pension by age 68, ideally £250k

I'm paying 20% salary at age 33 into this - £1,110

How will you survive on £8k p.a potentially from age 68-95? Absolute nightmare

I don't see how any woman, other than those married to millionaires or with their own trust fund, can afford to be a SAHM.

If your DH goes you only get some of his pension. I.e. Maybe only 1/2 if you're lucky.

I consider myself a feminist. My husband made this choice to be a sahd and has never regretted it. He does all the housework, shopping etc as well. He finds it very rewarding but he is completely dependent on me, which is fine because I am totally trustworthy and will always respect him and his role in the family. But then I'm a woman.

Actually, clarity, I don't understand what you mean?

Can you be more specific, ferris?

I am a SAHM I wish I wish I had been a Mnetter before I made that decision.

I resent my DH so much. I resent the decision I made.

I hate the impact it's made on my career - or what was my career.

I hate that when I do go back to work I'll work around the kids as now DH who did at one time earn a 1/5 less than me now earns what I used to and I can't go back to it

Don't give it all up

Actually, clarity, I don't understand what you mean?

Clarity, am off to read and be inspired.