What's wrong with being a SAHM?

SAHM is not for everyone, what you have in your head is a bit more than that it is housewifery

It can work but your expectations are too high. I had a vison of a beautifully decorated home and children washed fed and in footsie pajamas when dh got in from work.

Sometimes it is!

Otjertimes he works from home or theres an inset day or a child or 3 gets a bug or i have a bad day.....

He comes in to Armageddon kids bickering, crap everywhere and a wife that is eyeing the gin bottle and burning pizza.
Those days id rather work

You will get judged but you will judge yourself more you will meed mum friends and a sense of humour. Good luck !

Do what you want but protect your future. That means getting married. You are exposed financially otherwise if you choose to be SAHM.

IMO, you shouldn't decide for the next 10 years. Take a year's maternity and review. Life and personal opinions and aspiration change so don't box yourself in

I don't have a problem with women choosing the SAHM route, if that's what they want. What I often find is that they are very judgemental about my decision to continue working full-time. I get really fed up of being questioned about my choice by other mothers. If you decide to be a SAHM, just remember that you need to respect other women's (different) choices & avoid making judgemental comments about them. Remember: its not so long since married women were expected to give up work and young women are still passed over for promotion because employers fear the disruption their fertility brings. We need some women to continue in their careers after children or we risk pulling the ladder up behind us & harming our daughters' progress. The freedom to choose and the choices we make are not neutral at a societal level.

june That sounds sensible.

Sometimes I read on here people saying 'I'll just take 5 years and then pick my career up' and it reads quite naive because that's not how it works most of the time.

Like sea said, most feminists on here won't tell the OP she has to go back to work. They'll say it's her choice but she needs to be aware of x y z before making that choice.

There's nothing wrong with it. You are happy with your decision so it's the right thing to do. Yes I'm a feminist, but I also became a SAHP and have never had any regrets. I thoroughly enjoy it.

I have no regrets about doing this; like you I gave up a large salary and stayed at home and had 3 children. It was blissful and I definuteky think it suited my kids and they thrived because I was there.

However, I would strongly advise you to safeguard your own finances (not sure how, as I don't like the implications of a rainy day fund or having secret savings). When my DH left for another woman three years ago I had to get a job which suited a single parent of three children (hence I earn a pittance in a low paying term time admin role), and I never planned a future where we weren't together, so financially I faced a crisis. Fortunately my DH is doing the decent thing and still paying mortgage and bills (people tell me I'm very lucky; I appreciate I'm in a minority, but equally it's no more than he'd have had to do for his children had he still been living with us), so we get by, but giving up work with no financial plan for if it goes tits up (I hope it doesn't for you-it's not inevitable!) is risky.

On a personal level, if you think it's what you'd like to do then I'm sure you won't regret it. I thoroughly enjoyed the baby and toddler years at home, and being able to get involved with the school etc. I know our lives would've been too stressful with 2 high pressure jobs in the family; the expectation shouldn't be on women all the time, but if there is someone who can pick up the slack whilst the other partner provides financially it makes the family run smoother. In our case it had to be me as I was determined to breastfeed for over a year each, and I wanted to do it, whereas my DH didn't.

I have managed this. I think.

I used to work in a high-stress, high-pay job, and invested my salary (more than double what my husband earned) in property in London, just before the prices went mental.

I quit my job after having my second child, and I draw an income from the rental on the property. My husband still works full time. I am not financially dependent on him, and in the (hopefully unlikely) event that we split up, I would still have my own source of income. However, I wouldn't be able to pick up my career where I left off, nor would I want to.

There are some days being an SAHM drives me mad. I hate soft play and don't have that many SAHM friends as I find we don't have much in common beyond the children.

I do still manage the properties (tenants, repairs, contracts etc) so I do do some work, but I don't need to leave the house. The big one does nursery three days a week. The little one is still at home with me 24/7 but will start nursery when she turns two.

My husband works full time at the minute, but took 6 months off when the youngest was born, and then another few months last summer. We flex his work depending on how much additional income we need.

It does feel like a feminist choice - I don't define myself as an SAHP, more as someone who's invested well (and been lucky - so far) and retired!

I doubt you will get any feminists on here saying you should go back to work. It's your choice. I'm a feminist and I wouldn't question your choice. Has anyone said you shouldn't do this?
And is it people that are making you feel weird about this? Other people don't 'make' me feel things. I might respond to what they say, but my thoughts and feelings are my own. I can reject what they say without any second thoughts or i might be more bothered, but then that would be because I might have doubts myself.
You can do what you want with your life. I am not a SAHM. I don't want to be, but I don't have a choice either.
Probably people are just asking you because they're just trying to make conversation.

Depends on your personal feminist view.

If a woman CHOOSES to stay at home and makes that choice knowing that they are financially dependent on their partner and that they are unlikely to pick up their career in 10 years where they left off, then the logistics are for them to work out. Personally, I'd want to have savings on one side in case I ever needed them for a bit of security.

But then I think for SAHP to be a genuinely feminist decision, we'd need to see more men consider staying at home, part time working etc.

Firstly, you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself with your ideal of what you'll be like as a SAHM. You may struggle with being the perfect parent, your home may be a shit heap and your DH might be lucky if there's a pizza in the freezer for his dinner. You might have PND, or a high-needs baby. That is a lot of people's reality when a baby rocks up. So I would stop thinking like that for a start.

I think that, from a feminism perspective, you're buying into a 1950s ideal of womanhood that it took a lot of work by feminists to break free from. It's a vision that no man will have for his journey as a parent, so whilst it's your decision to do this, it's not a feminist decision as it's not made in a sphere of equality, or free from patriarchy.

And a lot of women do not think its a great idea to be financially dependant on their partner (of course, you might have a lot of savings and other income). You're married, which protects you to an extent.

At the end of the day it's your decision, and as such people should butt out. But it isn't a feminist decision.

It leaves most women very vulnerable. Becoming financially dependent on your husband (or anyone) renders most women 'trapped'. So you build a life, which someone else is paying for and that would be very scarey to exit, if you wanted to leave the relationship. So, lots of women remain in abusive or even just unsatisfactory relationships. If you have enough money behind you, then this isn't so much an issue.

Also, A lot of women intend to return to work when their children are older. This isn't as easy as it sounds if you have a professional job/career. So, women end up under-employed and years behind their male counterparts