We only have 10 years?

Olenna I know a few couples like this and now we are turning 40 it's hitting home. One df actually said I was lucky I am happy living in my small house as it meant I could start my family earlier.

In your case OP it's bad luck, you haven't been niave thinking you can have it all on your own terms.

Niki.
It sometimes feels like the world punishes women for choices that they never actually made, doesn't it?

I know, Niki - it sucks.

I am slightly jaded by the experience of too many of my friends who have decided to spend their 20s travelling and partying, their 30s saving for a house and getting into a career and suddenly in their 40s realising that they won't be able to have the family that they wanted (either no children without assistance of some sort, or only one or two when they had wanted more). In most cases these are people who are still with the same partner most of the way through - it's not the lack of a decent OH that has pushed back their family plans, it's thinking that they had plenty of time to get round to it later

It does piss me off when people who point out the fertility cliff get criticised. Sex ed classes should include basic info on women's diminishing window of opportunity IMHO

Might it be worth investigating the cost and procedure of freezing your eggs? You might meet a man - the right man for you to raise a family with - when you're 41 for example. Don't give up hope. Visualise clearly everything you really want and get ready for it. Live the life you want now or at least take steps towards. Travelling on your savings might seem reckless, but it can really give you clarity. I'd update your CV, send it off and book a one way flight to your favourite place tomorrow.

Started family in my 40s. Didn't know my fertility situation. Got pregnant within 4 weeks of trying.

If you don't want it, you don't need to do it. It's your choice when you want to meet someone and fall in love,you cannot force it. Be yourself, be happy. You will get it all when the right time comes, you wanted to make your career what's wrong in that.... It's perfectly okay.

If you're having "near misses" you must have a good CV and be good at job seeking and have a great chance of getting a job.

Yes it's very unfair that most men can have DC when they're older. but it's not the case that in life everything (having DC aside perhaps) must be done a certain way or at a certain age. Plenty of people, eg posters on this thread, do things differently.

What might be most helpful now for you?

I sympathise, job hunting is a nightmare.

Is it possible you're still reeling from the end of your relationship and job? I once experienced a job loss (I was accused falsely of stealing and although I did eventually clear my name it took a long time) and I lost my only surviving parent the week later and I was in a daze.

Yes, I think that's the thing isn't it - and I can understand why you feel a child alone isn't the answer.

In any case a sperm donor enables you to become a mum. But you don't get to be a family. You don't get to experience the mutual joys of raising YOUR child with a loving and supportive co parent. You don't get to share the delights and ups and downs, pride, excitement. I considered sperm donation but it just doesn't seem to be what I want ... I want a family.

Niki what are your prospects like for getting a new job?

I find people often suggest donor sperm but it's very difficult to raise a child completely alone.

Maybe if you've got supportive family.

What do you mean you didn't know? That your fertile years were limited?

We are trying to have it all. I travelled in my early to mid 20s, met dh late 20s and started family mid 30s. My career is about at if I were mid 20s without the travel and I've just turned 40.

I don't think it's possible to have it all but I think you are feeling a bit sorry for yourself and just looking to vent. Which is OK.

Lots of women start a family in their 40s. Change careers. Go traveling. Learn a new sport. I did all of those.
You have had a hard time of it lately.
Be nice to yourself, don't tell yourself and other women that you are a 39 year old like it's a bad thing. Men don't. One day you'll look back and think, gosh, I was young then!
I am pretty glad now that
a) I didn't marry any of my exes
b) I didn't have kids when I was younger and
c) I didn't make a go of my well-paid-but-not-right-for-me previous job (or the other jobs that were not even well paid).
See this as the intermission between the action scenes in the movie of your life.

You can get maternity allowance if you're not employed, if you have been fairly recently.

You may well be able to find a new job soon, don't be too pessimistic about that.

You have your CV from your previous jobs. Those are decent savings. Get another Ok job and your finances will be looking good!

Hmm, have you considered looking into sperm donors as an option?

I think the only way an individual woman can make things better for herself, in a society that is set up to benefit men, not women, is to get over notions of how things should be.

Such as raising a child only with a man in the picture. (Though obviously, you have to be able to afford to be a single mother)

I understand Niki and I hope things work out for you.

I wish I had realised the same.

I'm sorry you've been through some things and may not be able to have DC, that sounds really hard.

Are things OK with respect to your career though? There isn't a"biological clock" on work, luckily. There are barriers to women - with or without DC - progressing at work, but also some good opportunities.