Can anyone explain queer heterosexuality to me?

Interesting thread as I had been wondering what the Q in LGBTQ was for. I'm in my 40s so queer to me is an insult for a gay man.

juggling I suppose so but imo that's rather backwards in itself. It comes across as though it's trying to reassure lgb people you are ok with them, aren't you open minded as a straight person to allow people to have different sexual preferences to you. Giving yourself the right to approve. A bit 'othery' if it's used for that purpose.

If you really aren't prejudiced then you just think of people as people, rather than in terms of their sexuality.

Could some of it be about wanting to be an ally though? Better to over identify with the LGBT+ community than to be predjudiced against people and homophobic?

No. Why do you need to identify or over- identify to support rights of LGBT? I can no more identify as a lesbian or a bi- sexual than I can identify as say black or ethnically Jewish or an American indigenous woman.

www.advocate.com/current-issue/2017/7/05/what-queer-family-looks#article-content

Whole thing is weird. Conventionally attractive man/woman relationship is an example of a "queer family"? A woman who's been in a sexual relationship with a man for a decade describes herself as a lesbian? So weird

feather and ovaries I'm with you too, have nearly started a thread about it loads of times. I had a relationship with a woman shortly before I met my husband and it confused the heck out of me as I'd assumed I was straight (was twenty). Then met husband and been with him 20 years. I hate it when I'm asked for a label. There is no point describing myself as bi because I'm in such a long standing het relationship. But then I feel disloyal to the woman I was with.
And I hate being asked as I find it all so confusing. Luckily most people don't bother asking as I'm a married mum so totally boring.
These people who post things like that on FB make me cringe. Read a really irritating article about it recently, I'll post a link

Could some of it be about wanting to be an ally though? Better to over identify with the LGBT+ community than to be predjudiced against people and homophobic?

Does mother have another meaning?

... or they're just bisexual?
Blimey.

The simple explanation is that they are attention seeking idiots. It's just bollocks. Even more so if you need to validate your self worth by sharing a sexual identity that doesn't exist on social media.

I mean she could be bi and just missed an opportunity to partake but...

She could, but then, wouldn't she use the word "bi" instead of "queer"?

After all, "queer" means nothing these days, and I assume most people are aware of that.

Not the way to go if you want your bisexuality to be visible.

I'm struggling with "mother" as a cultural label too. Surely you're a mother if you have primary care responsibility for a child (whether by giving birth to that child, adopting the child, or being in a LTR with the woman who has given birth to that child) and you're female.

Or are you thinking of the crap stereotypes that go with being a mother (HCPs saying "and we'll just ask mum where it hurts, shall we?" or people at dinner parties assuming you had a lobotomy along with your c-section and can no longer discuss politics or culture or science...)? Because that's just an extension of gender stereotyping, and comes back to the standard radical feminist analysis that we are oppressed because of our child-bearing capacity. It's not motherhood itself which is problematic, it's society's attitude to women generally and women who have become mothers specifically.

It either means they think they have quirky hair, or they think they're kinky in some way. Neither is probably true. But yeah oppressed much, or something.

also to some extent the cultural label 'mother' (which I also find really problematic)

Sorry to go off topic, but how is 'mother' a cultural label, and why do you find 'mother' problematic? Surely you just are or aren't?

featherland

Forgive me if this is prying, but I'm trying to get my head round it. (I'm old and straight).

Is it because people just assume you are straight and therefore the fact that you are attracted to women is something that never comes up?

And that makes you feel uncomfortable because people make assumptions?

Got it.

Just another term to describe perfectly ordinary people, then!

Strewth. When did being cool beome only about who you shag? It's like nothing else exists.

All the different genders being about who you are, or are not, attracted to, today only, of course because tomorrow it's all different.

Sex positivity. Being queer. Pansexual. Ace. Incel.

When did it become peoples' defining feature?

And do they all talk about it to each other? Is this the limit of their conversation?

I've got all the information, and I still don't get it.

.

I mean she could be bi and just missed an opportunity to partake but...

Sounds like she wants to be special. But she's borrowing a label that others have fought tooth and nail to wear without being subjected to violence, and she can go back to hiding with her husband if needed. Even in seemingly safe places there's still so much violence against LGBTQ. And if this sounds repetitive, it's cos the hate hasn't stopped!

She's probably just trying to snazz up a boring marriage tbh

A fair weather gay!!

They're just a bunch of hipsters looking for attention. Just like transgenders, they take all the focus away from the LGB community and redirect it onto themselves. Bunch of wankers.

Andrew Garfield was at it recently.

"I could be gay" he said, "if I ever fancied a man, shagged a man or did anything remotely sexual with a man, but I haven't, but I totally could, honest. Also I watch gay people on TV and some of my best friends are gay and everything. Like me! Find me interesting!". I may have slightly misquoted.

Datun I think it's like being bi but a bit less.

Like a woman saying "Oh I wouldn't want to sleep with a woman and I probably wouldn't want to kiss one unless I was drunk but I once kissed a woman when I was drunk and I didn't vomit so I'm now queer, and I got an undercut so technically I'm also genderqueer, time to update Instagram".

As opposed to people who are bisexual because they'd happily have sex with a man or a woman; and people who are genderqueer/agender because they disagree with the concept of gender entirely and do not feel that they fit into society's "male" or "female" boxes.

Pansexual is the usual term for people who are bi but will sleep with trans people too. The slightly less-PC way I used to describe the difference between pan and bi is that I am bi because I want a sexual partner, not a Kinder Surprise . I would be fine having sex with a female-to-male trans, but not a male-to-female.

I think that's more out of protest at concepts like the cotton ceiling, and the male-to-female transgender community invading female spaces and shutting down conversations about female biology, menstruation, childbirth etc as it isn't "trans-inclusionary" - something that hasn't been replicated by the female-to-male trans community.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries So is it meant to be like being bi but a bit more?

Is it meant to encompass people who are bi but will also sleep with trans-people, maybe? Which, to me is bi, really. Unless there are some bisexual people who will sleep with each sex, but not if they're trans (which to me is a lot less about sexual orientation and more about not picking people who will suck the life out of you).

Woman in question has been with the same man the dad to her kids for years as far as i know not had another relationship other than him.

I think it is to appear interesting and to show they are not dull most people have quite an ordinary life get up go to work blah blah being something is better than nothing I know somebody who Ids as queer obsessed with drag queens does the make up posts on facebook. In reality she gets up sorts out her children goes to work makes the dinner, like most of us being queer relieves the boredom imo