I'm fucking sick of male violence

There was an EU study done 3 years ago that revealed shocking levels of violence, even in 3 countries praised for their gender equality.

www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/05/violence-against-women-eu

'Isn't this nice guy rhetoric part of the problem? Look it: some men are violent towards women and children, others gain credit by being protective. It's a component of society that benefits even the nice men. In a way patriarchy is sold to men on the basis that we are supposed to be protectors, and it's up to women to choose the right man to protect her and her children.'

Yes. Also, society seems to have incredibly low standards for men's behaviour. Just take a look at the number of women who say their partner is great, despite the fact that he is selfish and lazy. But because some men beat their partners, he's 'great' because he is just lazy and not violent.

Men don't seem to realise how much of a threat women perceive them to be. Perhaps they don't want to realise it.

Behaviours, beliefs, thoughts and logic are driven by emotion. We think and act out how we feel. If we find aggression rewarding, we are more likely to be aggressive.
We need to teach about conflict management, thinking strategies and emotional intelligence in school.

think if all women showed men that it was not acceptable then it would happen a lot less but unfortunately, women let it happen, police let it happen, so why would men stop when they get away with it so easily?

I'm sorry but this is victim blaming. My mother was attacked by her partner. She didn't "let" him get away with it, she left him and the result was he stalked and harassed her and attacked her again because he was an entitled violent arsehole.

I'm very sorry for what happened to you as a child. But you are living in a fool's paradise if you think if only women stood up to these men it wouldn't happen.

I have seen many many women over the years who didn't "let" these men "get away with it". A lot of these women ended up in hospital or dead anyway.

Excellently put Dervel and what you said about how male violence benefits all men in some way is something I've thought and said for a while.

Isn't this nice guy rhetoric part of the problem? Look it: some men are violent towards women and children, others gain credit by being protective. It's a component of society that benefits even the nice men. In a way patriarchy is sold to men on the basis that we are supposed to be protectors, and it's up to women to choose the right man to protect her and her children.

Broadly speaking as a man I've always been taught to never hit women, and that was often taught by men as I was growing up, but living in a world where it does and can happen always hands me something of an advantage in my dealings with women.

It creates an imbalance that makes truly equal interactions incrementally harder to achieve. I think for most men they think as long as I'm taking steps to protect the women in my life I'm alright. Those attitudes are precisely why we leave the issue unexamined. We like that view of ourselves too much.

I'm male and I don't believe I'm guilty through association or that I should be rounded on for having the same anatomy as this monster.

I'm female and I do. I feel that I have been part of a society that hasn't recognised the problem. I have been part of a society that hasn't acted to save this child, and many others. I haven't educated myself, or others, sufficiently.

In due course

Naturally you do since it absolves men of any responsibility whatsoever.

I suggest you RTFT.

Read anything else on this thread, cad?

Fur No, I'm in work and just flicked through it - I agree with that statement though

I have banned the news from our house and don't read articles like this anymore, not because I don't care, I do passionately of course, but because it makes me so anxious, so angry and so sad...and there is nothing at all we can do to bring that little boy back or deliver justice to that hideous excuse of a man....

Sometimes we all need to turn it all off and just listen to silence and peace otherwise it can drive us insane, and in the long term it can lead to mental health issues.

The thing most men don't seem to realise is everything is on the same spectrum. Ok no maybe you don't beat up your partners or children.

Yes, this is what I was just thinking. I accept that murdering a little child is very far along that spectrum, but there are other things that harm us as a society and are largely perpetrated by men. The financial crisis -largely, it wasn't women running those banks. Speeding -men are far more likely to speed and drive recklessly. They're far more likely to cause a crash which results in death or serious injury. I wonder which sex is more likely to issue death threats online or call women whores on twitter.
Our socialisation of boys has to change, but the powers that be don't want to admit there's an issue because generally their socialisation worked out pretty well for them. If some of these differences in behaviour are down to biology/testosterone, that's still a very good reason to socialise little boys more like we do girls. To give them dolls, to buy them toy kitchens, to have films for them which focus on relationships and not violence or heroic quests.

Read anything else on this thread, cad?

I'm male and I don't believe I'm guilty through association or that I should be rounded on for having the same anatomy as this monster.

Yep.

As well as teaching girls and boys at school to spot signs of aggression and to stay safe, should boys also be taught that aggression is wrong?

Would this help the stigma of dv move away from the victim and towards the perpetrator?

The thing most men don't seem to realise is everything is on the same spectrum. Ok no maybe you don't beat up your partners or children.

But it is a very very rare man of whom it can be said holds no misogynistic views whatsoever.

And it ALL contributes.

Innocents do not need to and cannot take responsibility for the actions of other adults. But this male attitude of entitlement is on the spectrum that leads to violence, and men do need to be aware of the overwhelmingly sexed nature of violence.

I have a 5 yr old. I was telling him off for something minor this morning and he was saying sorry. I won't forget this little lad in a hurry.

Yy Sparrowhawk!

Yy sparrowhawk

Can I also point out how utterly and disappointingly pathetic I find it that men's response to the abject misery and suffering caused by their fellow men is almost always 'I didn't do it, not my problem'? How are men not ashamed of that response?

What Sparrowhawk says with bells on! Men in general simply do not expect to have to cater for anyone's wishes or feelings other than their own, and asking them to do so comes as a big shock to them.

Can I point out here how fucking hilarious I find it that we always get men on here saying 'feminists don't do enough to help men, they don't campaign for men's cancers' etc but when women point out a problem that is almost exclusively caused by men, men say 'oh but it's not me.' So women have to take responsibility for everything to do with women AND men but men can do fuck all and actually admit that and think nothing of it???

FUCK THAT

I'm male and I don't believe I'm guilty through association or that I should be rounded on for having the same anatomy as this monster.

This. This is the problem. No one is saying you should be "rounded" on FGS.

Violence is almost exclusively committed by men. How should we deal with that?