Girls only schools

Sexism in the real world came as a bit of a shock later on in life

Yes. I knew it existed, but thought it was the preserve of a few old dinosaurs who were dying out. We'd been through school being told if we worked hard, we would be the businesswomen and academics of tomorrow. But they forgot to teach it to the rest if the world.

However, I think discovering sexism at a later stage meant I was less willing to accept it and will stand up to it. I think if you go through school never having a break from it, you're much more likely to internalise it and accept it. But then my mother, cousins, great aunts, grandmother all played their parts in me becoming a feminist, not just school, and someone else I was at school with didn't seem to have heard the same messages I did, so perhaps my family background made me more attuned to hearing it. Mind you, she's a professor in her field these days, so even if she didn't hear what I did, it hasn't held her back.

For me it was basically an environment where sex was irrelevant, in that there was no sexual tension, no 'boy' or 'girl' subjects, no mansplaining, no patronising, no competing for time with boys, no sexism.
This was my experience to. Sexism in the real world came as a bit of a shock later on in life, I was frankly unaware it existed! But I had the inner confidence and self esteem from a great start to get past it, not let it knock me back. I think single sex ed is really good for girls.

The amount of times I type messages on my phone and have to edit many words thanks to errant autocorrect is ridiculous no school of any kind can cure this problem I fear!

I can't type on a phone I am more or less literate honest.

No idea what sublime was supposed to mean. In last para, she should have been dh. Somewhere in the middle, copy is actually country.

My 2 of my 3 ds are probably the loud one some poor girl has had to sit next to. I work in a primary school and really try to avoid the girls sinking into the background. The difference in self confidence, taking chances etc is disheartening, even at age 7, 8 and 9.

Thank you very much Ernest and not at all patronising - that's a really kind post which made me smile to read! I'm very glad you are keen to send your daughter to an all girls school and very much hope she loves her time at one - I'm sure she will thrive there. I'm very passionate about girls' schools because of how much one has done for me and how much I feel they benefit girls. I want girls to thrive at any school but with society as it is do feel girls can achieve so much and discover so much about themselves at girls' schools.

Nolove, I'm sorry you feel that way. I do frequently too here! For what it's worth, I was interested to read your points and, for the sake of sublime patronising, which ok definitely don't mean to be, was impressed by how mature and positive you sounded. I had to go back and check you said you were a current pupil.

Anyway, I attended 2 all girls schools. One was a comprehensive Catholic convent school. The other was a state grammar. I was very happy in the Catholic comp. Hated the state grammar, but I think that was more do do with changing schools at 14 at the opposite end of the copy and just not fitting in. I wasn't aware of bullying in either of the schools and felt very much supported in a feminist environment in both of the schools.

I am definitely going to send my dd to an all girls school. I've long been keen on the idea, and moreso now that I've read the thread.

BTW she went to an all boys school, and has, certainly in the workplace, a very feminist perspective. At home possibly less so

I wish I'd gone to an all girls school, I was clever and bright but bullied by less clever boys, classes were taken up by them being "cheeky", they really knocked my confidence I think.

I will be sending my dd to a girls school if possible, our nearest one is a grammar though.

I feel quite refreshingly surprised by this thread. My private, Christian girls' school was the most insular, anti-feminist, un-intellectual (although 'academic' - no subversive English teachers there!). The girls were nasty to anyone different/fat/"ethnic"/poor/dowdy. You were expected to like studying but anyone who actually read books for pleasure was a weirdo (me).

When i first worked in a government co-ed school i was enchanted by how tolerant the kids were. I'd been led to believe non conformers were bullied mercilessly. Instead there were openly gay kids, migrant kids who were popular, it was cool to be smart etc etc.

Suppose it depends on the school innit!

My girls' grammar education was a while ago. I wouldn't choose a crap girls' school over a decent mixed, and ds's mixed is fab, but there's nothing wrong with a safe atmosphere.

I would like single sex middle school and mixed high school personally.

But indent to a mixed school.

The more I think about it the more I think I'd have been better off at the all girls school

It's fine to go for it if she loves it as long as you feel it's the right school also. Scouts, mixed sex non school clubs also

It would certainly explain why I am so rubbish at getting into relationships (or was - I'm 50s now so that ship has long since sailed) - can't flirt, totally fail to notice men coming on to me nine times out of ten. I have had quite a few relationships, but mostly ones I've kind of stumbled into by accident

I swear you are me.

I am absolutely rubbish I mean I would literally he stood there naked befire I twigged that actually things have moved beyond just chatting as human beings and maybe there was an ulterior motive all along.

Yet still I find it easier to deal with that than talk to women who I have no way if keeping up with in a conversation

if your daughter loves the school, then why not send her there?

I see this type of comment often on primary to secondary school threads and I have to say I don't agree.

As a parent I can see and understand much more about what a school does and does not offer. The child in question at the time of chosing is 10. They will be swayed by things which in the long run don't matter.

We wanted ds to go to thr grammar school, he wanted to go to the local school. He couldn't appreciate the opportunity differences at GCSE that he would have, or the advantages of being among a group of kids where it was cool to be clever, as he had no experience of either of those things. We chose the grammar because we could see that in many ways it would be a perfect fit for ds.
He wasn't happy. We promised him if it didn't work out he could switch to another school at end of year 7.
He was partly swayed by the fact that the main hall is a very old room with a wooden church-like ceiling. He called the school old fashioned, ignoring the science labs, IT suit, modern DT and art buildings etc.

He came back from the induction day in July grinning from ear to ear, and he loves his school.

I think as parents we can see the overview of the whole school career in the way our kids can't. And we can debate the pros and cons of things like single sex education, which our kids can debate with us, but without the understanding of the cultural baggage/impact it may have.

If she likes it, go for it. And add activities like scouts to widen her experience

I sort of had a choice of schools when I was younger, the very average mixed comprehensive that my brother went to, or a neighbouring school that had suddenly been doing very well (in between my brother starting secondary). Even though I was asked what I wanted to do (I desperately wanted to go to better school, as I was top of my class in primary and loved learning) I also felt a lot of subtle pressure from parents, Dad openly commented that it was too posh and full of snobs, so in the end I went to my brothers school. I think if your daughter is naturally drawn to the single sex school then let her go there, I think younger people use their instincts more than logical arguments and I'm sure she will be happy. I was very unhappy at my school and was bullied a lot. Not sure if things would have been different at the other school but I know I would have had more in common with my cohort. Sorry to put a downer on it but thought I'd give perspective!

We had a male head for my last year or last two years of school. I'd say he was an improvement on his female predecessor, though she must have been good in her way, as it was a good school. He was certainly more approachable, but some of that is probably just down to me being older and getting over a fear of adults.

On the subject of male heads at girls' schools (something I've also been dubious of), a chum at a highly academic and successful girls' school just down the road from me showed me this tonight from their recently appointed male head (name and school edited out):

X is the first male Head in the school's 143-year history. On his appointment, X said: “Right from my first visit to (school) I have been struck by the school’s warm and friendly atmosphere, and how grounded and assured the girls are and how supportive they are of one another. I am passionate about ensuring all the girls reach their full potential and are not restricted in any way. The last 12 years’ teaching has given me a keen sense of the confidence and community which a girls’ only education can provide; I am delighted to be joining a school with such a positive and enabling ethos, which is both academic and rich in activities beyond the classroom, and with such good relations between staff and students.”

Also whoever came up with mixed toilets needs a good talking to.

I'm in my early 20s btw.

I posted my perspective of being at a girls' school, now, in detail.

The OP says most of the opinions are from former pupils and then goes on to say she's being more put off sending her daughter to one.

Literally every word I say is completely ignored.

Giles: I'm kinda wondering if it's because boys were generally some kind of alien species or was it because after years of speaking to and being spoken to by equals it was hard to find your place amongst people used to dealing with people who knew the "rules"

That's a fascinating comment, and has really got me thinking. I said upthread that I didn't think my all girls' school had affected me socially, but actually when I think about it my relationships with men have always been very much on the basis of "being one of the lads", not so much as a conscious thing, but as a default assumption that I am a human being, they are human beings, we just relate to one another as human beings - and I've suddenly wondered whether what I see as "relating as human beings" comes across to them as "trying to be/succeeding in being one of the lads" - i.e. the only way a lot of men can process a woman as an equal is to place her in the "honourary bloke" category (which of course is fucking insulting: I'm musing on this not as an endorsement of that view, but in a trying-to-get-inside-their-heads sort of way).

It would certainly explain why I am so rubbish at getting into relationships (or was - I'm 50s now so that ship has long since sailed) - can't flirt, totally fail to notice men coming on to me nine times out of ten. I have had quite a few relationships, but mostly ones I've kind of stumbled into by accident. This has actually been a blessing - barring a couple of disasters, pretty much all my relationships have been with good friends I also wanted to shag, which is a pretty solid basis for a relationship.

I went to an all girls comp and did well academically but hated the female environment and lacked social skills around boys afterwards. My dd is at a mixed school and has loads of boys as friends / is very sporty and enjoys academic success in STEM subjects (it is an independent school though not sure if that makes any difference re sport etc)

Ironically now I struggle to deal with women im.far more comfortable dealing with men.

Maybe it's because most if the women I meet are far smarter than me and most of the men i meet have been customers (those who aren't friends ) and a smile and a bit of banter and they are happy and far easier to deal with.

Now I'm wondering if the only "positive" side of co ed is that you basically learn your place and to put up or shut up alot sooner.

Giles, that was certainly true for me. It probably really all depends on the child and the school though...