Men watch porn to help them get 'ready'

A good teacher should always be willing to admit they cannot answer a question and will have to do some research.

Children will respect them more for that than for coming up with some shit on the spot.

So the question was why do people look at porn? And the answer was men use it to get ready for sex?

With no qualification??

It's one of those questions, I'm afraid, where the answer is not that simple. And if you can't answer it in one sentence don't answer it at all. Make provision for further discourse.

God. That woman sounds woefully under qualified for any question on sex.

If you throw open the flood gates with such abandon, you must be prepared for any eventuality. Particularly with regard to sex.

Children will ask the most difficult questions - what's a prostitute, for example. You must be prepared for the entire conversation and how to tackle it.

Utterly appalling and unacceptable.

As PPs have said: ascertain your facts, and lay out calmly but in NO uncertain terms how completely wrong this was and why. It may be that teacher was unprepared or inexperienced, in which case point out to them that that's a good reason for the whole school to do an immediate review into how it teaches this subject with all the necessary training made compulsory. And not just for that teacher but for all of them. You never know when a kid may approach a teacher that they like and trust to broach an awkward question, rather than the one that is actually taking the lessons.

Girls also need to taught what pornography means, and what feminists mean when saying they are against porn.

I have often seen the word "porn" used for erotic fanfic, which lots of young girls write, and which they of course have no problem with, but it is factually incorrect, and means that they won't understand what a person who says "I'm against porn because it is unethical" means.

I've heard it all now. If this is really what was said it is horrifying. Let us hope that your DD had misunderstood what was meant and there is some way of clearing this up and making sure she and the others get to hear the message of loving relationships. I would be incandescent - I would see it as a violation my my child. She cannot "unhear" this now - it has become a part of who she is; and you are left to pick up the pieces.

Everyone can make mistakes and be caught on the hop. But it is a very serious mistake, if true, to say such a thing to 11 yr olds which would need to be acknowledged.

Vestal you are right, and that is a much better way of putting it, but who among us has never said something that hasn't come out quite the way we intended?

Sadly, some men (and women) do use porn to 'get ready' for sex and that is clearly unhealthy and not to be encouraged, while not being an inaccurate reason why some people use it.

But i think the context of the comment is going to be important here. If the teacher has explained it as though 'that is what happens' then it's really not on.

This is incredibly disturbing. I suppose this is a potential result of pornography being so commonplace and normalised (I know a number of girls who say they have no issue with pornography which frustrates me somewhat) - women who think it's completely natural for men and boys to want to access it to get aroused. Such a dangerous lesson to teach anyone but especially to such young children who are probably becoming exposed to pornography anyway (largely violent and degrading to women) and will now think it's natural for men and boys to watch it.

I very much hope you hear from the school and they take action on this.

She may not deserve the fury and outrage being rained down on this thread!

I am sure no one advocates for the OP to just walk in there and start yelling at the teacher.

But even if it was in answer to a question, it still means the teacher thinks it works like that, which is very weird and worrying.

People who don't know what porn is like would answer "Well, people like to have sex, and watching others have sex is the next best thing", or something to that effect, surely?

Yikes!, definitely find out exactly what was said - and challenge.

If necessary tell them what your DD has learnt from the lesson and ask them if that was what they intended to convey.

Please calmly find out what was actually said before you go in all guns blazing.

If that has been said then of course it's unacceptable and needs to be challenged. Even if it wasn't said in that way, then it's important that the teacher realises that that was the message that was taken from the lesson.

It could have been an ill thought out comment in response to a question about why people might watch porn. Maybe the teacher is inexperienced in teaching the subject and wasn't prepared. She may not deserve the fury and outrage being rained down on this thread!

Lesson one:

In order for a man to have sex with a woman he has to watch how to sexually degrade them first.

Ffs.

Good point Vestal. For some of these women at least it was going on before kids, but now the baby is here the guy knows She Ain't Leaving. The porn watching particularly seems to go a bit crazy, which then leads to the forcing enactment of porn stuff.

Sorry to derail the thread OP

Maybe you should ask if the next lesson is going to be on rosebudding, or some other horrifying thing that porn is apparently normalising.

You know, I almost suspect they already had the "and when you start to grow body hair, here's how you can remove it for your man's pleasure" talk and possibly even the "And if your inner labia grow during puberty, don't worry, you can have surgery for that" talk.

Mothers who I consider no more than acquaintances tell me and a couple of other women sat around, the horrific things their DH does and then the others nod along and say things like well that's men for you

Now I wonder what horrors are going on directly in front of my nose (well, not exactly, but you know what I mean) and I have no idea about it!

It is also interesting that women only tell other mothers about it.

Might well be the fact they overshare with people they feel they have something in common with, but to me, it gives the impression of ..

... like, joining a religious sect, finding it pretty nice and friendly, and then, after you donate all your money to it, and are unable to leave, the other members are finally allowed to tell you that the cult leader chooses a human sacrifice from the members each year, and everyone is required to watch the killing.

Basically, there's the fact that men often start to abuse when their wife is pregnant or has given birth, and with that in the back of my mind, it looks like women are following, unconsciously, the same rules. Not telling you before you are trapped.

The only acceptable lesson on pornography is about how it objectifies women. How dangerous it is for women. How the commodification of women's bodies is detrimental and degrading.

this!!

Maybe you should ask if the next lesson is going to be on rosebudding, or some other horrifying thing that porn is apparently normalising.

Should say I appear pretty non judgmental. My mumsnet posting history will attest the secretly I am quite judgemental

Vestal I lived in a feminist bubble before having babies.

I'm a bit of an agony aunt figure in real life, don't know why, people tell me things. I'm pretty non judgemental I guess and tend to just let people talk and get it all out.

Mothers who I consider no more than acquaintances tell me and a couple of other women sat around, the horrific things their DH does and then the others nod along and say things like well that's men for you and I'm internally screaming OMG I want to be sick in my mouth that is rape. But I tend to gently say things like 'if you don't want to have anal sex you don't have to' and 'if you don't want to watch those videos you don't have to. You don't have to have sex to porn like that if it makes you cry' etc etc.

I'm a veteran of it now but when it first started happening I thought what the fuck kind of twilight zone have I stepped into.

Often new mothers overshare - your pre-baby friendships are all over the place, your world is upside down and you need someone to talk to who gets it. Makes sense but my word it's opened my eyes to a whole world of women who have normalised stuff like this.

Teeny tiny disagreement - I'd also teach that use can lead to erectile dysfunction

Yes! That Italian study? Adolescent boys suffering from erectile dysfunction because of their overuse of porn.

Definitely hammer that one home in an SRE lesson !

(What does SRE stand for? Is PSHE no longer used?)

I'm speechless.

"The only acceptable lesson on pornography is about how it objectifies women"

Teeny tiny disagreement - I'd also teach that use can lead to erectile dysfunction

imthelastsplash

When they call back, have your response already. Write down bullet points. Be coherent and calm.

You can say at all. All of it.

Have they seen what it out there?

I used to believe that the pro-porn women actually hadn't seen porn and thought it was just depictions of people having sex in ... well, ways that don't harm the woman by any other way than STD and pregnancy. (Which cannot be said to be harmless, but, you know, that was the old normal)

But now I wonder whether they have and consider it acceptable.

(I used to believe people who were pro-transactivism just didn't know all the facts or hadn't thought it through. Then I was made aware that yes, they want to force traumatized women to share rooms with men.)