Want to talk

And the suggestion that feminists would blame a child for his abuse because he was male really hacks me off.

Blimey. Is that the subtext I was missing?

User, this is not an appropriate place for this conversation. Either start another thread or seek real life help. People will support you - most of us on here will support you. But on this thread I, and I suspect others, are finding it a bit difficult to get past the "you all hate men" vibe. And the suggestion that feminists would blame a child for his abuse because he was male really hacks me off. Which is not fair on you. So, start another thread. People will help.

Thank you.

Of course user. She should be prosecuted. Abuse is never the fault of the victim.

It sounds to me as though you have not processed this. I urge you to take steps to do so, however difficult.

Here is the link again from pencils post above. Child abuse can have devastating repercussions. But it's never too late to heal.

napac.org.uk/

The guilt should be in her, not in me????? Yes?

So she's the bad person? Not me?

user

I'm not sure whether there is some kind of subtext to your question, but of course the fault and blame lies entirely with the person who abused you.

Whose fault was it?

As QuentinSummers said a couple of pages back, 1 in 4 women will be raped by a man ... 2 women a week will be killed by a man.

Every single one of those women is a unique individual. None of them wanted to be in the 'class of women who have been raped' or the 'class of women who have been murdered'. Every single one of those women has a name and a story.

If we only see these women as individuals with unique stories all these rapes and murders look like isolated, inexplicable tragedies. It's only when we compile statistics and do class analysis that we begin to see patterns and it becomes clear what is going on on a huge scale.

Only then can we have any hope of fighting it.

user you might find talking to NAPAC more useful than derailing threads on here.

No, it wasn't.

Then whose fault was it? Tell me.

user

You seem like an intelligent and articulate person. Do you seriously have to ask that question?

No, it wasn't.

Any more of the same is just going to look like goadiness. And a demand to centre you and your problems.

Why aren't you asking the men on the dadsnet section? Could it be that you suspect women are conditioned to listen and nurture?

You are demonstrating the accuracy of class analysis, despite thinking you fall outside it.

Was it my fault?

user

It is a horrible experience, but it's not unique. It also does not contradict class analysis in any way.

You are coming from a very specific place, with specific circumstances. That class analysis does not help you specifically, does not render it incorrect.

You think you don't have male privilege, because you are unhappy. But we can recognise your male privilege by you ignoring what this thread is about and making it specific to you and your individual circumstances.

Why don't you find a place to discuss this with those who specialise in this area?

I know lots of women have these experiences.

A dear friend of mine was raped by her father. She is in a similar condition to me.

The person who abused me was a woman - a friend of the family who was supposed to look after me.

Whose fault was that? Whose fault was what happened to me? Was it mine as a male?

I was eight.

That's awful user. And no wonder you struggle.

If you browse Mumsnet, you will find many women who have had the same experience. Perhaps reading those threads could help you address it?

I suspect that perhaps sharing your experience might benefit you more than specifically questioning class analysis on the feminist boards.

And many of the women on these boards have had a similar experience. Hence feminism.

I don't want any power or privilege Quentin; only a quality of life fit for a human being, and to be seen as a human being.

So you are basically whining to us because you don't have the privilege or power you believe you are entitled to as a man? Fuck off.
Maybe rather than spending time on th8s board complaining to us about our political views you should get in touch with a charity like MIND and try to get your situation sorted.

I am sorry that happened to you.

Might I suggest, if you have not already considered this, that one of the ways you might find help with this is by getting support from organisations that help those who have had similar experiences?

What do you think the cause of your victimisation and disadvantage is?

As a child I was used to gratify an adult's deviant sexual feelings. And I was beaten.

Again, and for the last time.

Men as a class - as a group, have privilege over Women as a class. ie. on average.

That doesn't mean that all men have privilege over all women, that doesn't mean that no men have it hard and no women have it easy.

Class analysis, hell, averages in general, are a way to enable people to analyse a group of individuals.

By using averages, Macdonalds knows how many chicken nuggets to send to a store. If they just took every day as an individual, they would never realise that on a Saturday, they need more than on a Thursday. Yes, some Thursdays perhaps they'll need more, some Saturdays they'll need less, but it's a good rule of thumb.

If a service knows it's more in use by women than men, and they know that those women tend to have children, they'll know that they should prioritise having women's toilets, family toilets, perhaps a larger than normal changing area. Perhaps I arrive without my kids, perhaps my partner arrives with my kids - it doesn't change that on average, a woman with kids is the majority user, and it doesn't offend me at all that they provide facilities that don't have me in mind.

What I'm trying to say is, feminism isn't about you. Feminism is about women, not everything has to be about you, even if your life is hard, doesn't mean that feminism has to abandon class analysis because you exist. Most people do not conform perfectly to a class. Doesn't stop classes being useful any more than most people's bodies are funny shapes and sizes negates having named sizes for clothes

No, I'm not talking here about people who do well despite belonging to an oppressed group, I'm talking about people who belong to a privileged group who do not do well.

Why? Why are there men on the street if they have power?

My question is this (and it is a theoretical one, not an attempt to elicit sympathy or blame any group of people): if I am a man and have privilege and power, why have I been victimised and why I am disadvantaged?

Your question has been answered many times. Read back through the thread.

*So we should see you as an individual but you are free to lump women all together and blame them for your crappy circumstances?

I have done no such thing.*

So, why are you here on the feminist board? You already said you didn't want to discuss any issues actually affecting women.

Head >>wall. Out now too.

'My question is this (and it is a theoretical one, not an attempt to elicit sympathy or blame any group of people): if I am a man and have privilege and power, why have I been victimised and why I am disadvantaged?'

What do you think the cause of your victimisation and disadvantage is?