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Original poster

Should I complain to the school?

168 replies

junerat · 28/06/2017 13:01

My DD4 is due to start school in September. It is a brand new school - her year will be the first ever reception class, and I'm really excited about helping to "build the ethos" of a whole new school. I really, very much want to be an active part of her school community, not just someone who moans!

I am also very sensitive to feminist issues, and my DD is too - she will always notice when there aren't enough female characters in a book, for example.

We have just been sent the induction packs for her new school. They have a house system, with the four houses named after local famous historical figures. Every single one of the four houses is named after a man.

I sort of understand (but still hate) it when a school has been established for x number of years and has a patriarchal system, but this a brand new school, and they seem not to have taken the opportunity to start off on an equal footing.

When I met the headmaster, I mentioned to him that the "girls' uniform" didn't include trousers, was my daughter welcome to wear them? He was fine and flexible with this, so I do think he's a reasonable person. Though it is a part of an academy trust, so very, very likely not his decision re: house names.

It may be too late to change the names of the houses (literature has already been printed), but if it is an academy trust, could speaking up stop this from happening at the next school that opens?

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue, but I hate that my daughter will see four male "role models" as the pillars of the school, and not even a nod to the (very eminent) female historical figures from this area.

I categorically do not want to forge a poor relationship with this school though and do not want to become "that parent". Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 20:09

@WellErrr, I don't want to be too outing, so you'll forgive me for dodging your question slightly, but basically: Victorian politician; author; sportsperson; inventor. Two of them extremely well-known, and the other two a bit more obscure.

I sent an email which was somewhere between my original missive and the slightly more strident versions suggested here.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 28/06/2017 20:06

Good luck! What did you send?

And who are the houses named after, out of interest?

Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 20:02

I will absolutely update you when I get a reply from the school. They normally reply almost immediately, so the fact I haven't had a reply today suggests they are giving it some thought, which is good.

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 28/06/2017 19:04

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue

Easy for him to say when he has lived his whole life seeing his sex being depicted as leaders and authority figures. Show him the study about girls feeling inferior from the age of 6. Where does he think they learn those attitudes?

Well done for saying something OP - it's depressing that you had to.

Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 18:58

Thanks all. I do wonder if I had posted this in "Chat" instead of "Feminism" whether I would have had the same supportive response, or whether I would have got a lot of "first world problems", "oh, you're that parent", "pick your battles" etc. etc.

I agree with "pick your battles", but it's heartening to hear that most of you consider this a battle worth picking.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 28/06/2017 17:55

Well done for challenging junerat and you're absolutely right to - I hope you get a positive response from the school and let us know what they say. I think it says a lot about attitudes; those who chose the figures to name the houses after are almost certainly not sexist themselves nor would they want to limit girls at the school, but unthinkingly defaulted to picking male figures from the local area when there were women from your area alone who could have been picked. This kind of thing is extremely important and for girls (and boys) to see only men as people houses were named after is potentially damaging and could ingrain in them the notion only men achieve such status. It's also probably part of what leads to this kind of thing: www.theguardian.com/education/2017/jan/26/girls-believe-brilliance-is-a-male-trait-research-into-gender-stereotypes-shows

On uniforms I completely agree it's ridiculous some schools still insist on skirts for girls. On the plus side the private girls' school I attend doesn't and has no dress code at all in the 6th form. I also know of other girls' schools friends attend one of which has no uniform or dress code at any age and another which is the same as mine. However, I do know of schools which insist on skirts for girls.

froomeonthebroom · 28/06/2017 17:48

Sorry, just seen you have emailed. Good luck!

froomeonthebroom · 28/06/2017 17:47

Our house names were recently changed to be more up to date and relevant (and less sexist). I'm sure the Head would be amenable to suggestions.

FlorenceLyons · 28/06/2017 17:31

Well done for challenging this, OP. You're definitely not over-reacting - this stuff is important. Not sure what your final email said, but I'd definitely make a clear request that they have two male and two female house names - especially if there are two obvious local female historical figures to go with.

You may choose not to pick up this fight at the same time, but re the uniform, more enlightened schools are these days just going for a single list of possible uniform components, rather than feeling the need for separate girls' and boys' uniforms.

Finally, if it's a new school being set up by an existing multi-academy trust, it might be worth exploring the websites of the MAT and its current schools to get a feel for the politics. Some MATs are quite controlling, with decisions like uniform policies and house names made centrally. Many others leave these decisions to individual schools.

Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 17:09

@Mycarsmellsoflavender My private girls' school not only insisted that all pupils right up to and including 6th form wore skirts but all female teachers had to as well!

I still remember the day one brave history teacher broke ranks and came in wearing a trouser suit. Other staff swiftly followed. This was the late 1990s!

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 28/06/2017 17:06

Slight derail, but why do some schools still insist that girls wear skirts, not trousers?

Because there's still people who will send their daughters to such schools. They should be boycotted. Or, really, sued. Isn't sexism illegal in the UK?

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 28/06/2017 16:28

Slight derail, but why do some schools still insist that girls wear skirts, not trousers? We are considering a private secondary for DD and this really puts me off. Only 6th formers allowed to wear trousers. If we go down that route, I think I'll be 'that parent' and start a petition.

TieGrr · 28/06/2017 16:12

Fwiw, I liked the tone in your original email. Well done for doing something about this. Even if they can't change the house names, they might take more notice of their own unconscious bias the next time something comes up.

grasspigeons · 28/06/2017 16:03

Well done. It will be fine. It's a legitimate point, politely made.

BertrandRussell · 28/06/2017 16:00

"I hate that I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and/or starting off on a sour note"

It's not a molehill- it is a mountain. And they really need to know that they've screwed up on this because you won't be the only one to challenge them. Think of it as doing them a favour!

Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 15:45

Email sent. Feeling nervous like I'm going to be summoned to the head's office. Grin

I hate that I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and/or starting off on a sour note.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 28/06/2017 15:29

No full on rage necessary, of course. But don't give them the opportunity to weasel. "Thank you so much for your email - we will certainly consider your points carefully. Can I thank you for your continued interest in the school- I am very much looking forward to meeting Esmarelda in September"

Original poster
junerat · 28/06/2017 15:14

Thank you all - edits much appreciated. I have had a very positive dialogue with the school so far, so don't want to go full-on rage before DD has even set foot through the door (though simmering inside).

To clarify on the uniform - trousers were an option for girls' winter uniform, but only dresses were listed for the summer. I asked if girls could wear shorts like the boys and was told yes, if DD wanted to. She has previously been a dress-refuser, who just this week (typically) has now expressed a desire for skirts.

I suspect the academy trust will get a copy of the email anyway, as we're currently emailing a business office rather than the school itself per se, until the school opens.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 28/06/2017 15:07

Bertrand's is good. I would also, at some point during this discussion, ensure that the uniform requirements are altered to make it clear girls can wear trousers.

You are quite right to raise it.

Lancelottie · 28/06/2017 15:02

My shortened version would be:
Dear team

I have thought hard before emailing, as I really don't want to be "that parent"! However, I noticed in your prospectus that you have four houses, named after local historical figures - but they are all male. I am a firm believer that "you can't be what you can't see", and I am dismayed at the message it sends out to the girls that the four pillars of are all men.

. I had hoped that a brand new school might have taken the opportunity to weave equality throughout its fabric of the school rather than reflecting the bias of less-enlightened times,

As half your school population are girls, please consider naming half your houses after prominent female figures. I noted whilst looking for my own interest that are from .

Kind regards

Junerat

Good luck; our school houses are three male, one female. Better, but still why not make it actually equal??

(Their excuse, for what it's worth, is that they wanted to include 'a range of ethnicities, occupations and orientations' -- i.e. one black man and one gay man, plus that pesky token woman)

FurryGiraffe · 28/06/2017 15:02

I agree it's far too apologetic. You're making an important point- don't offer them reasons to ignore you!

I think Bertrand's redraft is great.

BertrandRussell · 28/06/2017 14:55

I think you should be much tougher.
Dear team
I noticed in your prospectus that you have four houses, named after local historical figures - but they are all male. I am a firm believer that "you can't be what you can't see", and I wonder about the message it sends out to the girls that the four pillars of are all men.

I had hoped that a brand new school, without inheriting systems created in less-enlightened times, might have taken the opportunity to weave equality throughout the fabric of the school.

I noted whilst looking for my own interest that are from .

I look forward to hearing from you. I am sending a copy of my letter to the Head of the Academy Trust.

Kind regards

Junerat

OlennasWimple · 28/06/2017 14:51

What dangermouse said

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 28/06/2017 14:50

Also- ridiculous not to have trousers or shorts on the list for girl's clothing. I didn't even ask at primary, I just sent my dd in shorts in summer.

TheCrowFromBelow · 28/06/2017 14:50

I completely agree, I don't think you're "that parent" at all.
And if all you can find in one category are men, then why not change the category?!