Aibu to think rape is not merely about power and sometimes is just about sex?

Why is it so wrong to acknowledge that the motivation behind rape can be physical sexual satisfaction, as well as power? Who does that hurt?

I think most people can acknowledge that. I'm just not sure what to do with it?

I don't want to pry, but how does it help you exactly to know that?

The title says sometimes rape is just about sex. Implying no involvement of power at all in some rapes. I think most people are pointing out that's bollocks.
There is no harm in admitting the motivation is sexual satisfaction as well as power. The harm is not acknowledging that without the power differential it would not be possible for men to commit rape. The power differential is there in all rapes, that's why rape is about power not sex.

"Yes except those prevention tips too often come to women."

Which isn't what's being discussed here. Women can't prevent rape, but society can prevent rape via better sex education, and education around consent, and teaching boys respect for women as human beings.
That won't prevent rapists' whose motivation is power from raping, as they're generally sociopaths. But it will prevent those men who may rape because they feel entitled to sexual satisfaction.

"It seems that a fairly insignificant detail is somehow of paramount importance."

I've explained how the "rape is always about power" attitude harmed me. It wasn't an insignificant detail to me. It mattered in how I framed my experiences.

Why is it so wrong to acknowledge that the motivation behind rape can be physical sexual satisfaction, as well as power? Who does that hurt?

Understanding why people do the things they do could be useful in preventing others from doing those things, I would have thought.
Yes except those prevention tips too often come to women. See this recent example: www.vice.com/en_us/article/ev4e8a/cosby-juror-says-accusers-bare-midriff-implied-consent-vgtrn
When there are indications men are actually listening to prevention tips I might agree.

I'm very confused by this thread. It seems that a fairly insignificant detail is somehow of paramount importance.

The 'rape is about power, not sex' analysis has been very useful for women and a Godsend of a lightbulb moment in terms of them understanding why and how they have been raped.

The motivation for some men might well be sex. But I fail to understand how an analysis of their motivation helps women, or helps prevent rape, when the only tool required for rape is power.

Rape wouldn't exist without power.

Sex would.

"It's sad actually, that so many women want to absolve their rapists."

Is someone on this thread suggesting absolution?

Your opinion is entirely subjective, rock, so please stop claiming it is objective and erasing the experiences of others.

Honestly, it's really disappointing that discussing the differing motivations behind men committing sexual assault gets one labelled a harmful rape apologist, and told not to say such things.

Understanding why people do the things they do could be useful in preventing others from doing those things, I would have thought. That's not rape apology.

Excellent post rock
It's sad actually, that so many women want to absolve their rapists. Get angry! Who cares if their intention was to get sex or to demonstrate power over their victims? The end result is still the same.

I think that if you have to repeatedly clarify what you are not saying you probably need to have a hard look at what you are saying.

It might help you to categorise your rape experiences, but that is not a helpful thing in a wider sense because it is dangerous.

When a woman is raped she should never have to consider the motivation of her rapist.

The moment that sex is refused and the man continues on, it is no longer sex. That is the message we need to be teaching men and boys. That once they are ignoring the wishes of the other party, they are committing rape and they are doing so through power. The original motivation is gone at that point because when the woman loses her right to body autonomy, the man loses his right to frame the discussion as to what it was all about.

Why is this not going in? Why are we still seeking excuses for rapists? And that absolutely is what is going on here no matter how many protests that it isn't.

Its a fallacy to think that men will stop raping if we stop calling it rape.

"Your faces and your calling out of other posters until you realised we had been raped too is sickening."
All I said was that perhaps other posters may not have experienced both types of rape.
And the faces are because I find your dismissal of my differing experiences as harmful to be really unbelievable.

And no one is making excuses for rapists, ffs.

No one is saying rape doesn't require power.
No one is saying that rape that is motivated by sex is any less harmful.
No one is saying that there aren't rapes motivated by power.

But as Cheese has said, to frame rape as "about power" rather than "requiring power, but sometimes about sex not power," can make it difficult for victims to recognise rape as such.

If rape isn't about power, but just about sex, why aren't there huge numbers of women sexually assaulting men?

Not going to add too much to this thread as the excuses being made for rapists are making me angry. Just want to say venus I agree with everything you say.

Sadly once I opened my eyes to it I see it everywhere.

YY.

I know I have known two rapists. The two men who have raped me. I have probably met more than that, I realise that, but I can't say because I don't know. The women I know who have been raped, I never met their rapists. I don't see that this is relevant. Some men rape and others don't. Why do you think the ones who don't, don't?

The point is that if it's possible to educate boys about rape then it's possible to educate boys that rape is an act of power and entitlement and different from sex.

And don't say that you can't talk about it and are being silenced Cheese. This whole thread is predicated on the idea that I shouldn't say rape is about power, when I believe it is. We disagree. I feel the emotional blackmail is coming from the other direction.

I have very few men in my life. My reaction to being raped has been to tighten my circle and no matter how irrational it may be I generally find men intimidating and I find their superiority complex hard to take. Sadly once I opened my eyes to it I see it everywhere.

I get the point you are trying to make but I consider it to be a dangerous one. While I don't consider you to be a rape apologist I think you are skirting very close to it.

So if you tell a husband who repeatedly rapes his wife that he is a rapist even though he didn't think he had power, you really think he is going to identify with that?

Really?

A man who disrespects his wife enough to repeatedly rape her, whether by force or through coercion is not about to turn himself around because we allow him to clarify his motivation.

Come on. I get the semantic point you are trying to make, but do you honestly believe that there is a place for this discussion that will never overlap with rape apology? Do you seriously believe that telling men they weren't meaning to exert power will make them own up to being rapists?

I have known one rapist in my life. Every other man I know is a kind, caring and sensible person. Most of them believe rape myths and most of them are clearly misogynistic by default due to the way they have been socialised. But they still manage to not be rapists.