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Original poster

Aibu to think rape is not merely about power and sometimes is just about sex?

234 replies

CheeseBubbles · 23/06/2017 12:04

I see it said a lot and I'm not convinced. If rape is solely about power there's no point teaching men about consent is there? If anything they might use the knowledge to better abuse their victims. Isn't it possible that for some men they simply want sex and don't actually give a shit one way or another what the victim is thinking. On the relationship board you'll see men who try it on nicely at first and then move on to coercion which makes me think again that this is just sex for them because they'd happily get it the easy way if possible. I don't know if it really makes a difference but I worry that if we assign this one motivation to it we draw a line that doesn't really need to be there and maybe make men who used garden variety coercion or a really drunk woman to think they didn't actually rape, because for them it wasn't a power trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseBubbles · 23/06/2017 12:45

cause children are growing up in an environment saturated by sexualised images with violent pornography mainstream and normalised in which women are degraded and demeaned routinely. Many boys and girls think this is normal and what sex is, shown by how many girls experience this kind of thing on a first sexual encounter at such a young age.

Your answer here sounds similar to the point I'm trying to make unless we're merely disagreeing over generations? As in you could see what is essentially rape being seen as normal by a young boy now in the future. But not see it that way for a man now?

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NoLoveofMine · 23/06/2017 12:36

You don't need to argue that it's wrong to me, I'm using standard to mean, prevalence. You can get SM gear from Tesco now. It's no longer kinky

I'm glad our nearest supermarket is Waitrose in this case.

NoLoveofMine · 23/06/2017 12:35

But in this instance would he have even asked in the first place? To me it seems like being prepared to take sex in the easiest manner and then moving on to rape because he didn't get it easily.

Yes he would. In this instance, he wanted sex. He was prepared to exert power and control over the woman and move on to rape. He may have "wanted" sex in the first place but that's not what then took place - which shows the desire to have this power over a woman he was in a relationship with was there. If he wanted sex, he'd initiate it again another time when the woman was more into it, or wait for her to.

Original poster
CheeseBubbles · 23/06/2017 12:34

You don't need to argue that it's wrong to me, I'm using standard to mean, prevalence. You can get SM gear from Tesco now. It's no longer kinky

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseBubbles · 23/06/2017 12:32

elationship, the man would accept the woman's response if she wasn't feeling into it at that point rather than persist knowing full well she wasn't in the mood. That persistence and going on to rape is him exerting power over her.

But in this instance would he have even asked in the first place? To me it seems like being prepared to take sex in the easiest manner and then moving on to rape because he didn't get it easily.

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NoLoveofMine · 23/06/2017 12:32

I agree with all of that but at this point that's not even rape anymore it's almost standard vanilla sex.

No it's not. Just because we're growing up surrounded by this does not mean we accept it as "standard" even if pressured to.

Original poster
CheeseBubbles · 23/06/2017 12:30

Also, with the way porn is going, I think more and more men are binding sex and domination/power/abuse together, and can't separate them. The women are always passive and being "rammed" or "destroyed", and their reactions are blurred between pleasure and pain. And then men have this extremely pleasurable experience -orgasm- as they watch stuff, reinforcing that power over women is good.

I agree with all of that but at this point that's not even rape anymore it's almost standard vanilla sex.

Do you think there is any point in teaching consent to boys and teens as if rape is about power and always a specific choice made then there's no point? (If I'm making myself clear).

To explain we teach boys to confirm that a girl wants to have sex and is enthusiastic as we are assuming they might not even realise they've done something that is basically rape right?

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NoLoveofMine · 23/06/2017 12:30

It's about a complete contempt for women and inability to see women as human beings in any context. I think all rape is at some level about power and control. It's not about sex as it isn't sex. If it was about sex then in the instance of rape within a relationship, the man would accept the woman's response if she wasn't feeling into it at that point rather than persist knowing full well she wasn't in the mood. That persistence and going on to rape is him exerting power over her.

Teaching about consent is vital because children are growing up in an environment saturated by sexualised images with violent pornography mainstream and normalised in which women are degraded and demeaned routinely. Many boys and girls think this is normal and what sex is, shown by how many girls experience this kind of thing on a first sexual encounter at such a young age.

Collidascope · 23/06/2017 12:24

I was thinking about this a couple of days ago. I reckon with the men who try it on with their partners and then commit rape when that doesn't work, it's not that they're actually getting off on the power of rape, but power is still very much a part of the crime. In that situation the man has to be assuming that the woman belongs to him on some level, that his feelings are more important, that her body should be there as his receptacle, regardless of her feelings.
Also, with the way porn is going, I think more and more men are binding sex and domination/power/abuse together, and can't separate them. The women are always passive and being "rammed" or "destroyed", and their reactions are blurred between pleasure and pain. And then men have this extremely pleasurable experience -orgasm- as they watch stuff, reinforcing that power over women is good.