Nothing quite like online dating

I presume Ava means "sexual attraction" by "chemistry" (I'd always thought that was what most people meant by chemistry, but it seems DrMorbius has always taken it to mean "emotional connection"
If that's the case, I find it quite ironic that a man sees "chemistry" as an "emotional connection" and a women sees "sexual attraction" as chemistry. I wonder if this in any way representative?

I presume Ava means "sexual attraction" by "chemistry" (I'd always thought that was what most people meant by chemistry, but it seems DrMorbius has always taken it to mean "emotional connection" - so presumably it's not as obvious as I thought). But in that case, you could both be right but be at cross purposes - because sexual attraction is a must-have for a FWB arrangement, but DM is right that possibly emotional connection is not something you want (beyond liking the person and feeling a reasonable degree of respect for them as a human being).

In what way would it be better?
Isn't a FWB a "random" you shag with no emotional connection?

Do you need chemistry? I would have thought a FWB arrangement is better without chemistry.

In what way would it be better?

Well, that dude fell through. He turned out to be just as nice as he seemed on paper (smart too), but the chemistry was zero
Do you need chemistry? I would have thought a FWB arrangement is better without chemistry.

I guess the other thing that irks me is that men never set their age range more than a a couple of years above (if that), but significantly below this is true. It seems to be the way OLD has developed. My mates all late 40's/early 50's. Have a sort of ongoing competition on how young their current date is.

Ha I'd be happy with the above op, OLD it awful. Stupid profiles are the least of it.

I think it's premature to talk about parenting of future children in an online dating profile! But it would be interesting if a woman were to say "I've got a feminist outlook"; I wonder how many men would be turned away by that, and if the right one would respond positively. And would any man dare to say "I try not to be sexist" (or whatever the poor fellow could actually say) and should any woman trust him if he did?

Hi Ava - I met my fiancé on an online dating website so while I can't speak for anyone else I do have some personal experience.

I don't think it's necessarily the case that an absence of chat around future parenting or male privilege on these people's online dating profiles necessarily means that these issues are not important to them. (Clearly it won't be important to some or perhaps even many of them, I'm not saying that either.)

Really when you are creating a profile, all the advice which is also bourne out by my experience is to keep it light. Your profile is really just a way to generate a bit of interest and also give "hooks" that the other person can use in any message to you ("I see you like northern lights, what did you think of the subtle knife?")

That being said, if all a guy has on his profile is pictures of himself topless on the beach, then I think you are quite right to make inferences from that about his personality and you may well conclude that it is unlikely to be worth your time messaging or replying. The good thing about OLD is there is always another profile which might be of more interest to you.

Sorry what? Why would someone mention parenting of future children that would only scare off most people.

It's online dating everyone wants to show themselves and attractive and fun try looking at women's profile just as many cliché duck faces, the same looking downwards at an angle camera shots, the same interests etc

If you don't like what's on the quality of men or what the majority of them like you are free to look elsewhere they don't owe you anything

I think it's quite telling that they rarely mention opposition to misogyny/sexism yet do speak of other forms of oppression. This is something I've noticed from some as well; (rightly) appalled by racism etc but see no issue with sexist comments and so forth. I think Corbyn spoke out condemning the DUP for LGBT issues this week but hasn't said anything at all about their staunch anti-abortion position (I hope I'm wrong but have read that from a few people). Women's rights and equality seem to be so far down the list of priorities even to many on the left which renders them easy to be cast aside.

I stay well clear of online dating, it all seems so, superficial? Then again, and I think this is true of both men and women
; the attributes and character traits you need to attract a potential partner are often in an entirely different category to the attributes and traits you need to make a relationship flourish and thrive.

Whilst those two things are not in alignment the whole of human romantic endeavours will remain a minefield.

What makes them think that a display of them obliviously swimming in their privilege is conducive to attracting a female mate??

Because it's probably effective in most cases?
I also think it's weird that you think they should mention future parenting. It's generally regarded that discussing future children on a first date is a massive no no, male or female, so to mention it on a dating profile?
I can almost image the AIBU or Relationship thread now, about how presumptive men are talking about future children in a dating ad, like they are just looking for a walking womb or something .

Oh, I am quite happy they don't know how to attract women. They're being honest.

Nothing would be gained from them promising that they'd do an equal share of parenting when they wouldn't actually do that.

There's enough lying on online dating sites as is.

I get that it is frustrating that there's no eligible bachelors, but being single is better than being tricked into a relationship by a liar.

Perhaps you can try a different approach. I recently read a text by a very disillusioned radfem who decided trying to educate men was hopeless, and suggested we should try and fix the problem via evolution - selecting smaller and physically weaker men so male violence would do less harm in the future.

Of course, we are not likely to reap the benefits of that approach anytime soon, but it is an interesting thought.