Nothing quite like online dating

But I need no tricking! I'm gagging for it with the right bloke! No pink, romantic goggles whats over and I'm upfront about it. Just wanted a wee bit of respect to help me relax.

Yes but that's no fun for those sort of men. I think the "tricking" might be half the motivation. Seriously, look in to sites specifically for hooking up. At least then you both know where you're at.

I met one like that too, ava. Years ago now, but it sticks with me.

We met up via OLD and arranged to meet for a couple of drinks. When I got there, right out the gate I just didn't fancy him, at all, but we had our drink anyway. Then he told a racist joke, I told him I didn't find racism funny and decided that was the time to say that I thought it was best if we just cut the date short and went our separate ways with no hard feelings.

Well. He went OFF. Called me all sorts - can't even remember what, but around the theme of being stuck up/above myself/arrogant. He finished by assuring me that he was never going to fuck me anyway, then flounced off, sticking me with the bill.

Dodged a bullet there. But it 100% was about him and his insecurities and his unpleasant character - though it took a while for me to get there as I'm not always super confident and in those days I believed that whether men thought I was fuckable or not was a measure of my worth .

Good luck in your search, it's a jungle out there!

I realise it's a counsel of perfection, but try not to give him too much headspace. You behaved impeccably, politely giving him the brush off rather than ghosting him, he then revealed his true colours and showed himself to be a twunt, no further analysis required on your part. It wasn't you, it was him.

Ava I think the ability to forget about idiots and move on to the next person is essential for not letting OD get you down.

I met DH online. As a single twenty - something someone going on about what a great father they would be would have been a massive turn-off to me. However, he certainly does 50% of the parenting now that we have a child.

Also, I wouldn't have been impressed for someone to say on their profile that they weren't sexist (or racist or homophobic) as if it was something to be proud of!

Actually that may not be a bad suggetsion - I've heard people say on the OLD threads that counter-intuitively people on Tinder are more respectful than they are on sites like POF. Everyone knows they're there for hook-ups therefore doesn't pretend to be looking for hte love of their life only to ghost you after one shag, or get snippy if they're knocked back.

I agree, there are plenty of sex hook-up sites, probably more suitable than OLD.

I've thought about political lesbianism too!

Absolutely classic response btw - "I'm outraged you could turn down my mighty penis so I'll throw a hissy fit and in any case even if I was gagging for it 5 seconds ago I'll now also tell you that you look like the back end of a bus anyway...." They (bellends that is) all react this way.

I think you would be better off going directly to a site for sex. OLD is for men who mostly seem to be trying to trick women in to having sex with them. I think you want someone sensible who knows what they want and is honest about it and where you can be honest from the start too.

I agree about online dating. It wasn't a thing when I was young. It seems massively hit and miss.

My son has done it. But the lack of context when picking somebody seems tends to lead to a high failure rate of an actual relationship.

In my experience, most people meet someone either through work, or through a friend of a friend. I wonder if having a virtual presence, where you can be in contact with an unlimited number of people, all of it based on a fairly superficial profile, makes people's expectations higher than they would be normally.

My most effective relationships generally started in the traditional way - get rat-arsed, shag someone then mutually decide the next morning (while drinking full-fat coke to deal with the hangover) that maybe this one was worth giving it a go.

Online dating seems so horribly transactional - it's such a tick-box exercise (probably why I don't even bother any more).

Even when I was young and dating, it was all a bit fraught. Nightclubs where you couldn't hear yourself think, much less stand a chance of conversing with someone.

Pubs and wine bars were a bit better. But then you always limited to the people therein, I suppose.

Given what a huge amount of time and thought dating takes up, you would think someone would have come up with something more effective by now.

You would be amazed at how many strange options there are - grey sexual (which apparently does not mean someone like me who's started to find grey pubes), sapio-sexual (what in old money we used to call an intellectual snob)... you name it, there's a silly name for it.

I think "demi-sexual" is indeed a way of signalling you don't do one-night stands. Someone on here posted a brilliant spoof of coming out to your parents as demi-sexual: "Yes, mum, I know you were really looking forward to supporting me through all those rites of passage, like my first visit to the clap clinic, and, knowing how chatty you are and how you love meeting new people, seeing a different bloke at breakfast every morning for the whole duration of the summer holidays... but... I'm afraid... I'm not like that... I'm... oh god, this is so embarrassing... I just want to meet one person I feel special about and wait a while before shagging them. Are you terribly disappointed in me?"

Totally agree - bring back tea dances.

Interesting M0stly. Would a person put that they are a demisexual in their profile? I would've thought that was quite limiting. Given that emotional attachment isn't always instant.

Or perhaps it's just a way of signifying you don't do one night stands?

Everything is so up front and on the table these days. I suppose that's a product of online hook ups though.

It's a means of weeding out people you don't think are suitable, I imagine.

God, what a faff. Bring back tea dances.

Probably not representative, Dr. There tends to be far more overlap between the sexes than there is difference. (NB, I personally like my sex with emotional connection - but chemistry for me is that initial "phwoarr, fancy a bit of that" feeling, without which I wouldn't even bother to explore further. Or wouldn't have done back in the mist of prehistory when I was young and did dating/relationships).

I believe the "yoof of today" even have a terminology for those of us who like our sex with added emotional attachment - we are, apparently, "demisexuals". (Tumblr has a label for everything it seems).