Fighting body shaming and stereotypes in infants school

The Mrs Thatcher comments reminds me of my younger dd's astonishment at finding out my brother was a teacher when he was 'only a man'

What sort of area is the school? Neither of my dds (8 and 10) ever had anything approaching this. A mum who is an engineer gave a talk to dds year 3 class the other day now all the girls are going to be engineers and design bridges.

It does seem bizarre that the Conservative party has had 2 female PMs and the only female Home Secretary.

Sleep "I tried to chat to some of the other mums at school drop off this morning.
Most couldn't see the problem"

I think Wonderflonium's advice could work for mums (and dads too)!

" Instead of "well, grandma's a doctor, dude, stop chatting absolute guff!" try "what job does grandma do?" or "why do you think that? what proof do you have?"

So you could say "Would it worry you if you felt your child (I'd try saying child rather than daughter, just to see if it made any difference!) felt there were certain jobs they could not do, could not even try out for, and that these ideas were fixed very early in life?"

I recon most parents would say yes, it would bother them.

"Would it bother you if your child was made to feel embarrassed or ashamed about their body, and that it somehow wasn't good enough?"

Most parents would probably find both those things worrying. But once it is couched in 'feminist' language some parents might switch off! (NO idea why that is but there you go!)

Also I didn't believe men were allowed to be prime minister. Mrs thatcher clearly had made a strong impression on me.made a strong impression on me.

*In the 1980s, my dad (a teacher) mentioned James Callaghan, the previous prime minister, to his class. One boy asked, "Are men allowed to be prime minister too?" Having a female pm definitely helps!

My mum is a doctor and I recall about age five getting into a row with other kids who insisted their doctor was a man. Not possible I said.

Though I've not had similar arguments I automatically picture medical staff as women as my mum's a dentist and a couple of her (female) friends who've always been round regularly also are, so I always saw them as "the dentists" growing up, plus have only ever had women as my GPs so only seen women if I've gone to the doctors.

Things seem to have regressed hugely in this respect now, I've read a few anecdotes of people similar to the OP finding their children say "doctors have to be men" and rigidly enforce completely outdated sex stereotypes. I even read a piece by a (surprisingly, Tory) MP just after Theresa May became Prime Minister saying he hoped it'd help "prove" to the schools he goes to do talks at in his constituency that women could become MPs as many had asked him or suggested only men could be.

My mum is a doctor and I recall about age five getting into a row with other kids who insisted their doctor was a man. Not possible I said. Also I didn't believe men were allowed to be prime minister. Mrs thatcher clearly had made a strong impression on me.
The world seems different now, sadly

I'm a teacher (middle school), and I find that when a child has the wrong end of the stick, it's easier to talk them round by asking questions than by making statements. Instead of "well, grandma's a doctor, dude, stop chatting absolute guff!" try "what job does grandma do?" or "why do you think that? what proof do you have?" I know she's five, but that sort of thing.
I think it's a short stage of working through the conditioning all around her and she'll come out the other side. Bloody scary though.

thing not think!

Just keep talking to your daughter/other children if you have them, explaining and refuting. You did the right think pointing out the 'fat' issue to the teacher. I had to do that at my daughter's school as she came home insisting she was fat. I did go on a bit of a feminist rant to my daughter about having to be a decent healthy size to be strong, just like boys, and would the same comments be made about a boy the same size? The school were pretty good and said that they would have some discussions about it as they didn't want that sort of thing going on at school.

It is odd how kids end up with the gendered division of labour. A friend's daughter said that women couldn't be doctors. My friend (female) IS a doctor!!! I guess lots of books, tv etc tend to have mainly gendered roles.

I think if you carry on being quite firm in your views and explanations things get easier as they get older (well in primary school at least) as your daughter will have the tools to question things herself. My kids have been brought up to believe that the only thing boys can do that girls can't is pee standing up, and they take great joy in repeating that.

It's worrying when this happens, and it makes me angry that children pick up on these stereotypes, but I think in most cases it's a phase they grow out of pretty quickly. I remember being gobsmacked at my younger dd assuming a female doctor she saw must be a nurse - especially as half our female friends are doctors!

Both my dds came out with odd things like this aged about 5 or 6. Now, at 14 and 10, they're fiercely feminist. Don't get flustered, just keep calmly and casually pointing out people doing non-sex-stereotypical jobs, and they'll soon work out that the things people are telling them are nonsense.

I had a similar issue with ds when he started school. All of a sudden anything pink or glittery was disgusting because it was girly, girls were horrible, boys were better than girls and girls can't run or play sport as well as boys. We also had lots of questions about what "gay" is.

I continued with the mesage I'd always given that colours are just colours, anyone can play sport and be good at it if they try hard and that everyone is different anyway. Also explained that some people use gay in a mean way but it's not fair or nice to be mean to people because of who they are.

Ds is nearly 7 now and has found his voice and discovered he can have his own opinions. He a great advocate of the fact that boys and girls can love other boys or girls and that's ok, he sees excellent female and male sports people at the sports clubs we go to (martial arts, swimming and my roller derby club) and while he still has a personal dislike of pink, he now (thankfully) accepts that a plate is just a plate even if it is pink and that doesn't mean it's just for girls.

I think I will raise it with the teacher. She's pretty sound on this stuff.

Karlos I would've raging if Ds came hone thinking that!

In my experience this is coming from the other kids rather than school itself, teachers and ht are excellent and promote the message that you can be who you want to be.

I think it can come as a shock when your kids go to school to realise that in many homes, gender stereotypes are still quite rigidly policed. And kids bring that into school.
My dd went through similar but at nine has largely got past it. What worries me now is two girls with very silly clean eating mothers have joined the class and she is now coming home querying whether she should have cheese "because their mummies say dairy is bad".
Sadly there is no school that will protect your child from rubbish spouted by idiots!

Ds is coming to the end of reception and I've been amazed at what he's picked up as well.

Only boys like superheroes, girls like princesses. Boy tv vs Girl tv, Boys don't have friends who are girls etc. We're navigating it ok, I just tell him that girls and boys can like whatever they want and be friends with whoever they want - he mostly accepts what I say. I do think it'll get worse as it gets older though. We've already had one parent only invite the girls to a party - despite the fact her daughter is closer to many if the boys.

Have you asked her who is telling her those things?

I have boys - and the eldest is away with the fairies, so these things rarely hit home anyway, and the youngest is 3, and very firm in his love of pink and sparkly so will not hear any different. BUT, when I've had these conversations with DS1 I've put on my best confused and befuddled face, and asked him why blue would only be for boys (helps that they all know my favourite colour is, and has always been blue) or pink for girls or whatever - and generally they can't come up with an answer, so I reinforce that with something along the lines of 'all toys/colours are for anyone that likes them, why on earth would only some things be for some people'

and they wander off happy again. That's not going to work for a kid that cares more about what people think though, only for my head in the clouds/unbelievably stubborn two.

It's awful isn't it? I get really cross and upset (not with her, with the world) when my daughter says things like "only boys can like superheroes" or "boys are better at x".

We explain anyone can like anything (and I think it's important that she knows boys can like things that might be considered girly too), talk about how mummy likes superheroes and things like that.

One thing I think has helped her recently is starting crossfit. She has seen me do it for a while, so started to understand girls can be strong. Now she does it herself she tells people what she's achieved, says she's getting stronger, will show off her muscles and shows the boys at school how to do burpees. I think it's really helped her confidence.

Thanks NoLoveofMine.

OP the hair thing is an option. I rarely shave. Anything. But I pluck my facial hair. I would have a hairy chin if I did not.

I don't think one has to do either, or not do either, it is a choice. But in order to fully understand choice one needs to try things a bit. Just remind her body hair is a long way off! My 6 year old keeps trying to force my head into his smelly armpit! What he fails to realize is it smells sweet, because no body odour yet.

There will be plenty of time for things growing up 'issues'. Remind her to be an awesome girl before she is an awesome women!

Don't share this with your dd but just for you.... You really oughta think

There's also been talk about boys making comments about seeing the girls pants and commenting on their "fat" legs and tummies. I have made the teacher aware to pass on to the lunchtime supervisors.

I very much hope the teachers can do something about this but it's rather disturbing how early this kind of behaviour and view of girls is taking hold now, normalised at such a young age.