I've had a difficult relationship with my father since I hit adolescence. In some ways I'm proud of his acheivements, he's done well for himself in an industry that contributes to society, he's well read with a good sense of humour and enjoys life. But he sees women as only helpmeets. He's not kind, even to his wife, and he's not kind to me. He let me down during a difficult time in my life and he NEVER praises or congratulates me on my success. This is despite some pretty special successes recently. He always manages to undermine, dismiss or belittle anything I do. Sometimes on the basis that it's "a bit women's lib" He's said plenty of stuff in the past that reveals he has a bad attitude towards women and girls.
He's very interested in what my husband does and my sons but he doesn't usually even ask how I am when I phone or visit. If I try to te;l him anything from my life he sort of ignores me, or responds very slightly. I've recently been trying to maintain something of a relationship with him as he's getting older. I don't want him to die with us on poor terms. I only visit and phone maybe once every two months, it's not a massive commitment.
My question to my fellow feminists is how can I relate to him without his attitude upsetting me, or getting to me. I can't be the only one with misogynists for relatives. I've just come off the phone with him and I'm feeling pretty upset even though it wasn't that bad. I don't need his approval but I want him to not be a dick because he's my dad and I'd also really like a bit of support and encouragement occasionally. I do realize this isn't going to happen, my question is more about how to handle my own continually thwarted desire for him to be a bit more pleasant to deal with.