Why do some feminists not want sons?

Sorry, it should say opt for girls. Subtle difference, but quite important

Most of the gender disappointment posts on MN are about wanting a girl, usually to replicate their own mother-daughter or sisterly relationships. Sometimes because of a notion of shared "feminine interests" - this is usually firmly debunked by other posters.

IRL all the women I know who've had multiple boys have expressed some sadness at not having a girl.

I always wanted a girl - maybe for the familial relationship reasons above, but also to raise my own strong feminist daughter to help smash the patriarchy, or at least dent it.

Having had a DS and then 6 mc, if I ever have another successful pregnancy then I will obviously be beyond delighted. In spite of this, I won't pretend that I wouldn't still be secretly hoping for a girl - but I will obviously be thrilled and grateful with either.

I found this article from the daily mail www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2699616/Growing-numbers-potential-parents-going-America-IVF-treatment-choose-sex-child.html. that claims that 80% of Brits travelling to the us for sex selection opt for boys. There are not all necessary feminist though. And not all feminist make all feminist decision all of the time.

I've seen more feminists claim not having children at all is more feminist, than I have saying having girls is preferable.

I've noticed a bit of a fist bumping attitude amongst the men if they have sons. Quite openly. A friend of ours has had two daughters, quite late in life. There is a definite attitude of you'll have to pay for two weddings, double the trouble, wait till they're 16, what about boyfriends. A certain rueful sympathy. (Not from him, he's besotted).

nolove

You being an ardent feminist, you probably notice sexism in teenage boys more than a lot of your peers.

I can easily imagine a teenage boy dismissing the idea of daughters. But that's because he's a teenager.

The above comment not withstanding, by the time they actually get to reproduce, it does change somewhat.

There is also an attitude, probably understandably, that daughter is a good idea because they are more supportive to their mothers long term.

I have two sons and I hadn't quite realised how 'male' the dynamic is in our house until my eldest acquired a steady girlfriend and she spent a lot of time with us.

The shift was subtle, but it was there.

I haven't seen you on any recent threads other than a new music one and an Aibu one where your posts were deleted before I saw the thread.

If you find yourself in an ante natal class you may well be surprised at the negativity at the prospect of having a boy. I was.

noloveofmine

You're only 17.. you can't possibly know what people who have had children wanted the sex of their child to be..

I was a "know it all" at your age too

No but I have plenty of evidence of polls and studies which show people would rather have sons, and favour sons when they do have them.

No one is 'piling on' Amy, and I've not noticed you posting elsewhere on MN TBH. But again, this thread isn't about you.

Do you have some experience or opinion on why some people have a preference for daughters and cite feminism as their reasoning?

blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/mother-son-preference-05312015-shona-sibary/

www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/07/29/more-evidence-of-preference-for-sons/

www.theguardian.com/society/2010/oct/06/most-mums-favour-sons-survey

It is quite notable how people pile on whenever anyone criticises me on here but when I'm defending myself on other parts of the forum no-one does. Interesting.

Okay fair enough. I'll report the posts for deletion.

As for "being so snippy" I noticed no-one had an issue with me being told I was "lecturing people", "not wanted", etc, yet again, as was posted at me last week, but ah well.

@NoLoveofMine I think you might be reading the tone of the thread wrong.

Yeah I would seriously ask for those to be deleted - they're not relavent to the thread anyway, the OP clearly wasn't asking about your family and it's not really on to post pictures of your Dad and brother without their permission.

The question wasn't "do some feminists not want sons" it was "why do some feminists not want sons" important distinctions - the fact that some women have stated they would prefer daughters because feminism wasn't up for debate, it was querying the thought process behind it!

Anyway FWIW I hear a lot of comments from my peers and older generations along the lines of girls are easier, much less trouble, loving the idea of 'girly' mum & daughter activities (shopping trips, pamper sessions etc), cute images of little girls going off to ballet class - essentially playing right into gender stereotypes and perpetuating all the societal expectations on girls that (my) feminism seeks to liberate us from. So not exactly clear feminist reasoning IMO. Perhaps they see feminism differently, or perhaps their reasoning is different - perhaps it seems more of a challenge/foreign territory to raise a child of the opposite sex, as it's not an experience you've had yourself?

You really should stop being so snippy.

This is not Facebook. You may not have noticed but very few posters post photographs and when they do, they are of themselves and faces are almost always blocked out .There are obviously no privacy settings on here.

It's up to you whether or not you post photos of yourself (personally I don't think it is a good idea, it rather defeats the point of having anonymous usernames) but it would be courteous to check with your brother if he wants his photo on Mumsnet.

NoLove, it is simply not the case that everyone wants sons.

IME (30 something, lots of friends have had babies), if anything there is a preference towards girls when pregnant. Probably because, as women, it's "what they know best".

I don't think it's a feminist issue. I also think spamming the thread with posts about how we've "no idea" because all women want boys, or are "disappointed" with a girl, is obviously untrue, and silly.

It probably upsets you that he's a younger sibling of mine, male and feminist because of my influence. Oh well!

But yeah Lass you try to criticise me in any way you can. I will report the post in question for deletion, but to try to insinuate I'm doing something against my brother's wishes just to criticise me, oh dear.

Does he ask my permission to post my photo on his Facebook?
Do I his?
Do my friends ask my permission to post my photo on Facebook?
Do I theirs?

Nope.

Your brother might. Did you ask his permission to post his picture here?

Haha I don't mind :)

Maybe ask MNHQ to delete the pictures!

My mum was Googling something earlier when we were all at the breakfast table and she said "oh I've found something about it on Mumsnet" which made me jolt into the realisation she could find my posts, if that had been 48 hours later she could find two of her children!

Unless by you guys you meant my brother and I in which case thank you