I am a feminist and a sahm

If you do Facebook, there's a really good feminist SAHM page here

Of course you can be a sahm and a feminist. Feminism just means that you believe there should be equality of opportunity.
Now you can believe that equality of opportunity should be a given whilst acknowledging that we live in a world where it isn't and that therefore your choices have been affected by this.

The problem with sah is that men like your 'friend' don't see the unpaid/low paid but important work of looking after family/children as important. It comes with no social status and therefore isn't worth anything.
Sadly society only values paid employment and too many people gain their self worth from their career. This is as damaging to men as women and leads to depression when redundancy happens or when people cannot work for whatever reason.

Your friend is a product of social conditioning. I also think that when people don't have dc, they can't imagine their priorities might change wrt career or that the structure of childcare in this country doesn't always support 2 parents working full time and that it is okay to do what makes life easiest for your family.

I like sah. I have learnt not to care what other people think about it. My aim in life is to be as happy as possible and to teach my dc to choose what makes them happy. Life is too short to do something you dislike because someone else thinks you should!

Feminism isn't about choice, it's a liberation movement.

Having said that, there is no logical reason why you can't be both a feminist and a SAHM. Without women taking on unpaid caring roles such as yours, the country would grind to a halt. It's hardly your fault or your problem that, under Patriarchy, only paid work is classed as important or worthwhile. Without women's (and it is overwhelmingly women's) free labour, we would simply not be able to fund or provide all the childcare, elder care and community projects that voluntary workers do. Your friend is extremely short sighted if he doesn't see the value in what you do merely because it doesn't bring financial reward.

I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you to keep up to date with issues in your previous workplace and to ensure you have money available to you should the worst happen.

I am a feminist, I would love to be a SAHM but can't afford to do so.

I am a sahm. I am a feminist, I am also a Marxist. I no more see my decision to stay at home as a free choice than I see my participation in a free market capitalist system as a choice. It is my reality. I have constrained choices. I am not immune to the problems inherent in claiming feminism while doing wife work and being financially dependent. The life I have is a compromise that we live with and works well within the framework of the world we live in. I don't see the point in work for the sake of it, I like to be useful and will be returning to work in the course with the right conditions.

Being a sham is not incompatible with feminism, but I often feel like I have to justify myself (like now!) and I don't think it is fair to criticise a women for her choices, especially not coming from a man who can take credit for being a feminist while sidestepping the barriers created by a patriarchal society.

That's bollocks of course you don't have to have paid work to be a feminist.

Your friend has, perhaps unwittingly, absorbed the norms of capitalist culture- that 'work' only has a value if it is paid. Presumably if you went to work, and paid another person (probably a woman) to do your housework and look after your animals, then you would be a feminist in his eyes! If you enjoy what you do, and you are valued equally in your relationship/work as your husband then how is what you are doing not compatible with feminism? And anyway, even if you weren't happy in what you were doing you could still be a feminist as feminism is about working towards the liberation of women, it doesn't mean that you have to actually be liberated to count as a feminist. I'd thank him for mansplaining feminism to you and perhaps ask him how does he know that you aren't actually plotting the overthrow of the patriarchy whilst doing the ironing?

Ah yes, that special moment when feminism is mansplained to you.

^^this
I would have laughed too!

There is a difference between being a feminist and making choices that are not feminist. It is not mandatory for a woman who is a feminist to make only feminist choices. You don't have to be a perfect feminist role model in order to feel that feminist goals are very important.

For example, I wax my legs and under my arms. I fully recognise that there are dodgy patriarchy-driven reasons for this choice ie women-as-ornament, younger-women-have-less-hair-and-are-better-breeders and so on. But I still do it. And I feel I am still capable of being actively feminist.

So, if a female were happier at home, she should resist that feeling and go to paid employment?
Is that to help her , to make sure she isn't reliant on a male?

Rubbish. I am a sahm and I consider myself to be a feminist.

There's more to being a feminist than having a career/job. How sad that he can't see that.

Why are you home rather than DH? I'm gonna make a massive assumption that he's better paid? Feminism imo is not just about choice, but analysing why you made that choice.

I was a sahm before I got ill too btw (technically still one now, but DH is also a sahd ), I'm not asking to disagree with you :)

It's very sad that he can only find his self worth through his work/ job and judges others by the same standards. I would have been very annoyed if someone had said this to me.

By believe is that feminism is the radical notion that Men and Women are equal

Again, can't have equality while patriarchy exists. Get rid of that first, then we can start to work on equality.

Feminism is about choice

In an ideal world it would be but unfortunately we do not live in an ideal world - we live in a patriarchal one. I do think all women's choices have to be seen in the context of a misogynistic society.

I do not think being a SAHM is an any way incompatible with feminism but sadly the fact remains that a lot of SAHMs will be doing it for various reasons which are extremely un-feminist (for want of a better word, I'm tired!!!).

Feminism is about choice. If you were forced to work then that wouldn't be Feminism in my opinion as you'd be upset you couldn't be at home with your child.
I know what I mean, I just can't articulate it that well