Okay men, strip clubs & stay dos

I went to a social event when late teenage and a stripper came on stage who I was unaware of. The dynamic from the male audience was 'we've "bought" you, now dance.'. It was a startling experience for a good 17yo Catholic boy. The woman was a commodity and offered herself for sale and had been bought by a group. I even wondered how much actual sexual excitment was happening for the audience.

Never been to anything like it since. All sounds grim and depressing as has been said. But then I've never been on a 'stag do' where this would happen.

Great post Collida. The interesting thing that people who espouse evolutionary reasons why men need to spread their seed around because we're animals, the same as any other, also forget that in the vast majority of the animal kingdom, there are relatively few male animals about and other than one - three adult males, males are shunned by the social group once they are grown up enough to fend for themselves because of the risk of violence from superfluous males.

That's really odd Figaro, because the years I spent with the army were the ones where most of my friends/neighbours/co-workers had made a beeline for the red light district. In fact, in some parts of the world, brothels are specifically run for military types.

I think you may be making the mistake of assuming a majority of men do these things. We don't.

I spent many years in the army, been on countless rugby and cricket tours and from my view point have not seen this as widespread behaviour.

Now I'm not saying that spend much time discussing Plato or the Tempest. But we don't make a beeline for the local red light district!

Eurgh, totally agree OP. I hate the thought of what happens on stag do's, I try not to think too much into it though or my inner psychopath comes out

Great one collida

Collidascope What a brilliant, well thought-out post.

Collidascope

Excellent post.

I think men have spent a long time propagating a myth about their sex drives, about how insatiable they are, about how it's harder for them to be faithful than it is for women (backed up with a load of evolutionary bunkum), and about how they crave different women, and it isn't fair to expect them to limit all that wonderful sperm and lust for one woman. I think men themselves now believe it and a fair few women have fallen for it too -you hear something enough times and you start to believe it or at least it doesn't sound as daft as the first time you heard it -and so concessions are made.

As a society, we accept that at certain times (stag dos etc.), men ‘need’ to be allowed to unleash their 'inner caveman' as a brief respite from the pressures of behaving like a rational, respectful human being most of the time. We kid ourselves that men having a lap dance is just a transaction, and the fact that one party is being paid to present herself in a sexual way certainly does make it less likely to develop into the love affair of the century -which is possibly why some women are less threatened it. Also, those who are in control of the sex industry have spent a lot of time throwing mud at people who object to it -anyone who isn’t cool with strip clubs is a prude, women should be able to choose to empower themselves by making money from men using their sexuality, etc. So a lot of women will try to show that they’re cool with their partner getting a lap dance because they don’t want to seem like possessive, hysterical puritans. And men will do it because they can.

I've never been to a strip club, and I've avoided any stag dos that have included them. Nothing to do with my relationship status though. They sound like deeply depressing places.

But in this day and age we're all supposed to be so open minded and liberal when it comes to sex and erotica we're in danger of our brains falling out.

It is that 'tradition' of the 'final fling'. I think some men even use prostitutes or are goaded to.

It is obviously cheating to have a lap-dance/use a prostitute and I would even say ogling at a naked woman or wanking over porn. But some people, like swingers, aren't that bothered about 'cheating' as long as there are certain parameters agreed by both.

If the couple aren't swingers/polyamorous/open relationship types and the 'hen' doesn't grind against a Chippendale on her do, then there is obviously sexism at play.

I feel exactly the same as you and I'm consistently baffled by people not seeing my point of view. It seems odd to me that I appear to be in the minority. That said, there's a significant number of women I know who say they don't care and actually they do, whether to save face or to appear to be relaxed, I don't know.
My DP is well aware there's no way I would accept that behaviour from him. He doesn't see it as a great loss luckily.

I'm a bloke and I think this is grim. And yes, I think it counts as cheating.