Okay men, strip clubs & stay dos

I was once out for a quiet night out in Brighton with a small group of friends. A stag party turned up in the pub, and then shortly afterwards a stripper turned up and did her whole routine just in the main pub area, not in a side room - just right in front of the bar. I was astonished that the pub staff just seemed to ignore it, and I was very perturbed to have to watch what was going on. We left shortly afterwards.

I have never been to a pub and had a male stripper turn up for a hen party. No hen party that I've been to involved male strippers and no hen party I've ever heard of that my friends and family have been to have involved a male stripper. As far as I'm aware there are no clubs where there are male strippers with a female audience, whereas there are strip clubs with female strippers in many many towns and cities.

The assertion that women do it too is not relevant to what's being discussed here.

daily.. does he know you feel this way? No doubt he will say there's nothing to worry about, he loves you, it's only fun, all the boys are doing it yabba yabba yabba

Oh daily

daily

Boyf is going on one shortly. They sorted the strip club and have paid in advance for a stripper to do things to the groom in the club. It makes me feel disappointed and sad that men are still like this. I don't know how I'll feel about boyf. I don't think I'll want to sleep with him for a while. I'm not sure if I'll want to see him again even. I certainly won't want him to touch me.

I am another who is baffled by the claim that male strippers are more common than female strippers

I'll never forget the night I went with my arsehole abusive ex to his friend's birthday in the pub. About halfway through the night, one of the 'lads' went around collecting money for a 'surprise'. I didn't ask, ex didn't have cash on him so pilfered some out of my purse, no big deal.
The surprise was a stripper that all the guys went to watch in another room while the mugs girlfriends, me included, sat in the bar in almost silence. I couldn't quite believe it.
The things he said she did, and that some of the men watching did to her, I was truly shocked at. I do not shock easily.

I am not convinced about this thing of male-strippers being more normal at hen-dos - there is now this whole 'stag weekend' thing now, where groups typically go to Amsterdam or Prague - places known for their sex industries - I know a lot of men who have been. And the hen-do thing is more going around Brighton or Leeds or where ever in a limo wearing an L plate 'trying' to be wild have a good time. I haven't actually been to one of those myself - for some reason the hen-dos I've been to have involved going for a picnic before going out to get pissed - not exactly wild.

None of my mates or circle of friends go to strip clubs or have strippers at stag dos.

The only exception I recall was a stripper was arranged for the coach we were on to a venue about four years ago. We don't have drinks served by hired in naked woman. A club will often supply a "hostess" to look after your group of you are in the VIP are but that's just a pretty student earning a spare few quid by bringing drinks while fully clothed and if were a group of woman you would get a bloke doing exactly the same.

Male strippers seem to be much more popular on hen dos, woman's birthdays etc. Roughly one in three my wife has been to over the last five years has involved a bloke with his non out, and in several cases the "ladies" have been able to touch, stroke, lick etc as they please.

Based on nights out I have and people I talk to the stereotype that men harass female strippers and woman don't do the same is at least 15 years out of date, and if anything I would now say it happens more the other way around.

I am talking about the examples given of group events such sad stag do. There is clearly still a problem with single men using female services as individuals that I haven't seen evidence of existing the other way around.

I know more woman who have groped male strippers than the other way round

Really?? Please do tell me more... Lots of 'feminist argument killing' details please.... otherwise it might just sound like those bullshit urban myths that antifeminists say like 'woman screams at man for holding door open'.

It's not okay either way round

Agreed.

Sort of kills the feminist argument when I know more woman who have groped male strippers than the other way round though.

Ive been to 3 hen dos. 3 had male strippers. The brides to be both groped the male stripper...

But I do understand that it's not as common as strippers/prostitutes on stag dos

I was stag do for my brother in law not long ago. There were no strippers or dance clubs as several of the people going (me included, made it clear it either wasn't their thing or their other halves wouldn't approve.

The hen do was out a bar that was rented as a private venue for the occasion. "Buff butlers" male strippers etc. As apparently that way round it's just a laugh.

My partner and I are in this debate and have agreed no stag dos or hen Partys... as we both don't feel he need for one last blow out... but he does feel the pressure from mates to not only have a night out but even a weekend...

Of course it's widespread! There wouldn't even BE stripclubs if there wasn't a steady stream of punters.

To further Collidascopes excellent post, I am inclined to argue we are just as repressed sexually as we always were. Now bear with me here as it runs counter intuitive to the dominant sexually permissive narrative. Sex is great, it's pleasurable, it's relaxing and it bonds us. However modern sexuality is journey we're actually railroaded to walk alone.

Individual sexual fantasies are built solo to be indulged by a partner, rather than as journeys taken together with destinations shared. Our whole language is filled of things being done to people and not with them.

Casual encounters have entire staid and routine patterns. It always involves PIV as if that is the only conduit through which male and females can reach one another.

Yet if one doesn't buy into this vision that's prudish? Well I'd argue anyone that advances that is not only deeply sexually repressed themselves, but seek to repress any and all competing paradigm of human sexuality. If that isn't pure unvarnished repression I don't know what is.

Now let's take strip clubs a woman who can dance is sexy, so are men who can too, and whilst we have male strippers we haven't built anywhere near as many temples to the erasure of preferences of men as we have for women. As that what money does it erases the significance of preference. Sure the odd female stripper may enjoy doing it, but the whole enterprise is not contingent on her enjoyment. In fact we don't even really care anymore.

Our preferences ancor each other to one another. When we let money dissolve that ancor female sexuality gets a double dose of repression, and male sexuality spirals off in chaotic and destructive directions.

Mother "it's being made normal, it's not normal"

Absolutely spot on.

For me it has been the same xenophile - where the men I have spoken to have been most open about using prostitutes, they have been in the armed forces. Most of the other men I know have been to strip clubs either on business, groomed by a brother or friend who is really into it - so they didn’t choose to go as such, or they have been to stag dos where they go to red light districts and bottle out of/don't want lapdances or to use prostitutes, although there might be one or more of the party that crosses that line.

I have known men who actively take a strong stance against going to these places, but they stand out as unusual.

Figaro although you say you and your friends don't make a beeline for these places - but have you ever 'ended up' there?

If my DP does this for his stag do I wouldn't marry him (assuming I found out).
Purely because if he's the sort of guy who does this then he's not the man I think he is, nor the man I love.
It's vile IMO.

I also hate how on so many shows they make the strippers all 'want' to do this job, all doing it to make 'easy' money to support themselves to become a doctor or similar. Not saying some people don't (I have no idea really), but I'm not convinced that's the case. At the end of the day if your only way to make ends meet is to take your clothes off to be oogled at then something seriously wrong with the system.

I'm with you. If I come home from work to find my husband sitting on our sofa while a woman he picked up in a bar grinds against him completely naked and jiggles her tits in his face, I will of course throw him out and divorce him because he has been unfaithful.

If, on the other hand, he goes out with his friends and pays the woman to do this in a strip club, I should roll my eyes and be the cool wife because 'boys will be boys'.

As far as I can see, the only difference is that in the second scenario he's cheating and wasting family money in the process so it's actually bloody worse.

Agree with collidascope. Also, I believe that there's an element of male bonding in these things, so men who wouldn't think of going alone are happy to go with their mates. Of course, that then begs the question of why it is a bonding experience to objectify women...I'm sure we could write pages about that

Likewise, Xeno, my husband is also a veteran of rugby tours, and he says it does often happen. Not all the time, and not involving all the men, but it's not uncommon. It's not something he's interested in but he's not one to crack under peer pressure, so he takes off with other likeminded souls to do other stuff (though I'm sure someone will be along at some point to tell me he's lying and I'm deluded).