Okay men, strip clubs & stay dos

And, frankly, anyone who uses the "oh, women are just as bad-you should see them in hen nights" line is either stupid or being disingenuous.

I cringe when I see women doing the male stripper thing, happily. Like just this weekend gone, a friend posted photos from a "naked waiter" birthday party.
Clearly it's not as widespread as men and female strippers though. They did look to be having a giggle, but they were touching & licking him.
Strip/lap dance shouldn't be a normal thing for a stag or hen do, and I wouldn't go to one which had one, neither would DH (but he doesn't have any friends who would either).

"I think you may be making the mistake of assuming a majority of men do these things. We don't"

I don't think most men do either. But I am often one of very few voices on threads saying this, being mocked and called naive by the vast majority who seem to regard men going to strip club and using porn as perfectly normal, practically universal male behaviour.

Magical I agree that there is a male-bonding thing going on.

A lot of males I know watched/shared porn together/ or went to peep shows in their teens, with their little euphemisms and nicknames for things which I found weird - but the penny dropped that it is homoerotic for them. They are just using the woman as a 'thing' to allow them to legitimately get turned on by each other without admitting they are actually bisexual. I really wish they would just suck each others cocks or do whatever it is they want to do deep down and leave prostituting women out of it.

User- no I don't think most women would be interested. I have never seen a male stripper and don't want to, but get the impression its more about being rude and having a giggle and has little to do with female sexual desire. I could be wrong though.

daily - it's Ok to give your DP an ultimatum that if he participates in the sex trade while he is on this stag then he won't be in a relationship with you any longer.

DH knows that this is the biggest of thick red lines for me, and when stags and sports tours have gone in this direction he says no, I'm not being part of this and goes and finds another bar to drink in. He is never the only one to do so either, plenty of other men don't want to watch strippers or "have a dance" (doesn't that sound so innocent?)

Motherknowsbest My backfired response would be...................................................

And yet its women who have an organ thats PURELY for sexual pleasure alone so surely we should be the ones fucking around.

Sashh... You're still fabulous.

Would women do it if they could?

dervel great post and I agree
(It's on p1 but I've only just rtft)

My first wedding was binned when he went missing on a stag do and the story unraveled. I've massive issues with stags!

Sort of kills the feminist argument when I know more woman who have groped male strippers than the other way round though.

No, it really doesn't. Even beyond the many excellent points made by others on this thread, you may have missed that there are strip clubs where women strip for men in every city and plenty of towns in this country and most of the (at least western) world. Men go on stag nights, on business or just for nights out. Must have missed the places women can stroll in round the corner from them to view men doing the same.

Most of the other men I know have been to strip clubs either on business

Sorry if this has been covered as I've only read the thread until this point thus far but I think this is as bad as going to one on a stag night. It's a way of keeping women below a certain level at work, excluding women or, if women are invited (I've read they often aren't), putting them in the situation of having to either go along and feel uncomfortable and/or demeaned (potentially) or decline and lose out on progression or success in the workplace.

I think you may be making the mistake of assuming a majority of men do these things. We don't.

Thank you for mansplaining that to us. Could you tell us which other reasons/excuses are used?

I mean if it isn't stag dos then it must be something.

Or did you mean going tot he clubs?

Well you know the women's Wimbledon tournament? Not all women take part.

Women's football - the same.

Not all men earn more than women, but the majority do, with fewer qualifications and often less experience. The point is women are paid less, it's nto about the men who don't earn more.

Not all men are rapists, but all rapists are men so when discussing rape is it fair to say we are talking about male violence? Male violence directed mainly at women?

Not all cases of breast cancer occur in women, would you like to go for screening?

I used to be a sex worker and it was very, very common for groups of men to book escorts as a group and do things in the same room as their friends. It always felt as though the motivation was the guys bonding and having stories to reminisce about later rather than any real sexual desires being met.

It's so weird. Women would never ever behave this way.

I'd be tempted to tell the wife.
I mean no offence but if like to know the man I'm marrying has no regard for my dignity.. His mates are basically laughing at her..

This is a big part of it IMO. They're bonding by getting one over on the bride. And to a lesser degree, all the other wives and girlfriends. There's something very hostile underneath it all.

Your relationship is up to you daily but you could point out to him that he has free will, and he can say "This isn't how a man should treat a woman". He could be asking himself (but will most probably avoid it) whether he personally wants this event to happen, or if he just feels under pressure to follow his mates. A fair number of nasty things that you hear about in the news wouldn't have happened if someone had said, "No, this is wrong, I won't go along with it."

Maybe not but I've never met them. I'm hardly going to poke my nose into a strangers relationship. Also, I wrote it the wrong way around- stripper is paid to let the groom do things to her. Not sure it makes a difference tbh

I don't know any of them. I'd keep out of it anyway, as for all I know the wife-to-be could be ok with it. I have no idea; never met them.

He knows I'm not over the moon about it. I told him that I may be a bit off with him when he comes back. I'm certainly not going to go into more detail than that, otherwise it could sound like an ultimatum. I don't want to stop him going; it's his choice to go and it's my choice if I can be with him afterwards. He said it's not his scene and he won't be getting a dance. I'm not that naive though. I'm not sure if he'll tell me if he had a dance. I'm not sure if I'd want to know either.

Quite, Mother. Sadly that was nowhere even close to the worst thing he did but honestly, if my DP did the same, he'd be out the door.