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Original poster

Men bashing

512 replies

PirateQueenie · 01/05/2017 14:57

Hi all,

I don't have a real purpose to this thread other than to just voice my confusion and possibly hear some other opinions.

I would identify as feminist - although for want of a better word, I would rather say I'm an egalitarian. I enjoy reading these threads, and comment on some. But what really disheartens me is all the man-bashing Ive seen. I have a male partner who is my world ♥ wonderful male friends and family members, and when I read some of the things on here I can't help but feel very defensive of the men in my life.

Is this the new wave of feminism? Or am I missing something? When I was growing up (with my mum as an avid feminist), I never heard "men this" or "men that" it was always about how women can strengthen and empower themselves WITHOUT putting men down.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 01/05/2017 15:24

I very rarely see men bashing on here.

I do see posts about how men are responsible for all rapes and almost all violent attacks on women, but that's just facts.

StewieGMum · 01/05/2017 15:23

Sorry. You called victims of rape and domestic violence 'weak' not 'meek'. Because calling victims 'weak' isn't all misogynistic and, quite frankly, lacking in empathy. Or any kind of semblance of reality.

picklemepopcorn · 01/05/2017 15:23

A small number of men abuse a disproportionate number of women. They are likely to get a lot of attention on an advice forum. Women seem to be very vulnerable to abuse. It is not weak to be unable to maintain your physical and emotional safety against someone who is determinedly chipping away at it.

Society still seems to reinforce the structures which make women vulnerable to abusive men.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 01/05/2017 15:20

Elephant - I didn't say it was?? I said this is about the women I've read making sweeping generalising statements and not just being specific to their one experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
PirateQueenie · 01/05/2017 15:19

Whoahhhh... When did I say women who were raped are meek victims?!?!
And yes I agree that all of those stats are shocking and awful. Every man I know would stand up against all of those things, as would every woman I know! I just feel sad when there is this divide between men and women. Cant we all just stand together as humans?

OP posts:
TheElephantofSurprise · 01/05/2017 15:18

It's not 'bashing' men to describe your experience of them, even if the experience is unpleasant.

StewieGMum · 01/05/2017 15:13

Women who are raped are not 'meek victims'. They are victims of a serious crime.

StewieGMum · 01/05/2017 15:11

95% of violence is committed by men.
Men are responsible for the vast majority of domestic and sexual violence and abuse.
Men are responsible for the sheer number of children living in poverty due to their refusal to pay maintenance. Why do men who kill their partners and children still get called 'good fathers'? Why are we expected to feel sad for men who claim their feelings are more important than the safety of children?

And a whole lot of men are silent about these issues when they are in the position to challenge perpetrators and change the culture of violent hyper-masculinity. As the saying goes, if you stay silent you are part of the problem.

So, the question isn't why feminists talk about men as a group, but rather why don't men as a group stand up to perpetrators; call out men who rape, men who kill.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 01/05/2017 15:08

Mermaid - I don't think I've read any of your posts, but sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time at the moment Flowers hugs!
Hmmmokay - it's not even something specific, just in various threads and comments, people suggesting that men on the whole are dangerous people (without being specific) and painting women as victims. I don't know, it just for me seems to go against the principles of empowering and building up women, rather than making us all seem weak victims x

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 01/05/2017 15:02

I've been fairly shocked on here about the behaviour of so many men. I also recognise things that the nicest men still do and think are ok, because of socialisation. Some of that I've only really noticed since coming on MN, to be honest.

That said, I fully recognise women can be awful too. I don't meet too many awful people, or find out how awful people are in their private lives, because let's face it we all mask the worst in RL.

I'm not at all anti men, I have two lovely sons, who seem to have managed to avoid the majority of bad attitudes so common these days.

HmmOkay · 01/05/2017 15:01

Which comments do you mean?

Can you link to them?

Mermaidinthesea123 · 01/05/2017 15:00

The only reason I'm man bashing at the moment is becasue I'm going through horrible divorce number 2 and husband no 2 has really worked me over for example dumping me to go off with someone else right before a major operation with no money, no car and nobody to look after me post op. So you can't blame me right now really.
I have sorted the situation using my own strength and ingenuity so I don't consider myself a victim.
However for those of us feminists with sons man hating really isn't on the agenda as we love them and hope they will grow up to be decent people.