My ex is trans

From what you say your ex personally is no threat to you as a woman at all, and I wish her well in her transition.

If the only transwomen around were a small handful of people like her I don't think transgenderism would be much of an issue. Alas, it is not so...

Tbh whereyouleftit I agree with you and the research. It's very difficult to actually do anything constructive as an outsider if that is someone's path later in life (in their 40s)

My post most probably wasn't constructive either as its not my story to tell but I don't believe he will ever be threat to anyone other than to himself. It's a very sad story and I just hope he finds peace too :(

I'm sorry if I've upset anyone as I understand the aggressive trans activist stance too.

Owllady I linked to this Australian newspaper's arrticle regarding a psychiatrist saying that few of his would-be-trans teenaged patients are actually gender dysphoric, and gave as an example:

^"Psychiatrist Dr Stephen Stathis, who runs a gender clinic, said he had seen girls who had been sexually abused and wanted to identify as transgender. Psychiatrist Dr Stephen Stathis. Picture: Jamie Hanson
“The girls say, ‘If only I had been a male I wouldn’t have been abused’,’’ Dr Stathis said." And you say of your friend I completely understand why he would want to forget his old life and become someone new."^ Which doesn't seem to me to be that far from those abused girls.

I hope your friend finds peace and security by living as a woman. But I do worry that if someone like your friend does't find this is their answer, where does it leave them? I worry it could leave them feeling worse about themselves . I hope it is his answer, and having good friends like yourself around can only help him. Best wishes.

I was abused as a child/young adult and have had further traumas in my life. I wouldn't have posted what I did 'lightly' user
I don't think in my friends case it has anything to do with sex. I think it's about escapism tbh, but very complex.

I know you all have strong feelings relating to this and I'm not belittling it at all. I feel the same in respect to lots of associated issues to with this tbh.

Scary, I will read up and stop being ignorant to this subject

I'm sure transpeople have an awful time of it. It must be shit. You don't fit in, people look at you suspiciously, you may have to have complex surgery, a lifetime of medical treatment and a lot of the time you hate yourself. There's an 87% chance that you have comorbid mental health issues, the highest of which is narcissism. Your sense of self is fragile and an episode of misgendering can devastate you. If you have AGP porngraphy will play a massive part in your life and you will be filled with guilt and shame in equal measure. And gender dysphoria is bloody awful.

All of this needs highly specialised treatment.

What it doesn't need is extra civil rights! Nor should the treatment be a wholesale demand that everyone else on the planet colludes in it and redefines the meaning of language for what is an infinitesimally small number of people.

owllady lots of us have traumatic experiences. Generally what's needed is lots of therapy. Is 'changing sex' the answer? Having your genitals mutilated, possibly losing the ability to feel sexual pleasure and have sex without a great deal of physical discomfort, finding out that lesbian s just don't fancy you and neither do straight women? How does any of this make the individual feel better?In fact, I've never met a happy, contented trans person. The main beneficiaries seem to be pharmaceutical companies and surgeons.

Everyone who knows a trans person claims they are a gentle lovely person suffering from dysphoria. Nobody seems to know those with Autogynephilia.

what is it about the situation that requires sympathy or compassion from the board?

The person is the OP's ex, so it's not the OP who requires sympathy. The ex isn't here, so they don't require sympathy. I've loads of compassion for people with gender dysphoria, but not so much for anti-feminist transactivists.

Even now I've read the posts properly (and I've apologised for my error, and asked MNHQ to delete), I still don't know what the OP is really asking for here. We get a lot of people swinging by to tell us we're transphobic and horrid, and a thread that opens with "this trans person is not threatening" makes me think that's where it's heading, as in "my friend is lovely, so what are you all on about here?" Maybe it's not, I don't know. OP, maybe you could enlighten?

One of my old friends has decided to live as the opposite sex. He's had such a traumatic life, really awful, life changing traumas, so in a way I completely understand why he would want to forget his old life and become someone new. My heart used to break every time I saw him tbh so I hope he finds some peace under his new identity. He's not out to hurt anyone.

Otoh I think the trans activist thing is concerning. I imagine it's concerning for the vast majority of people who are transgender toowho meet enough hostility and criticism as it is, whilst just going about their own business.

There is scarcely an iota of compassion or sympathy on this thread. Some people are even trawling the OP's posting history to undermine what she's saying.

Sorry, my mistake, you say your ex and not your husband. I'll report my own post and go and find my glasses.

Chamomile, in another thread you posted on yesterday, you refer to your husband as "he".

Did he trans over night?

Hmm. Let's look at this a different way. What if someone else said this:

"My Ex is Male
Just as the tile says. He is the kindest most thoughtful person I had ever met, and looking back had a low sex drive and was very private.
The thought of him being threatening to anyone is beyond me."

How nice one single person is (although I must say I do question how 'nice' it is for someone to enter into a relationship with someone without telling them something so important,) doesn't mean that the demographic as a class is without issue.
I know many lovely men, but I still know that men as a class are oppressive to women, and are a threat, and I wouldn't dream of saying "the men I know are lovely, therefore I don't understand everyone else's concerns."
I totally sympathise with feeling overwhelmed though - it's a very heated topic, and there are so many posts and comments on the subject. This might be a good starting point for further reading? www.feministcurrent.com/2017/03/07/jenni-murrays-statements-womanhood-not-bias-truth/

Jaxing, it's not about one individual trans woman causing discrimination to women as a class, it's about the law no longer recognising women as adult human females.

I've nothing to add here, Chamomiletea, except that I hope your ex is happy and at peace with herself.

OP, there are plenty of women who are perfectly happy with your ex being whoever she feels she is. You will find extreme views in every direction on the internet.

I personally don't think she is causing any problem and is far more likely to suffer personal discrimination and attack for who she is than the female population are going to suffer discrimination as a result of who she is.

Whereabouts are you, Chamomiletea, if not UK? Hove you and your ex any support?

Excellent post, Datun.

Chamomiletea

Although your ex probably isn't aware of the implications, what she is doing is detrimental to women. She is saying that how she presents herself is how females present themselves. She can't just be a man who likes to wear feminine clothing. She is saying that wearing feminine clothing is making her a woman. Thereby reinforcing female stereotypes.

I understand how presenting as female could alleviate her symptoms. But a man with gender dysphoria is not the definition of a woman.

Transsexuals have been integrated in our society for years, sharing our bathrooms without a problem. It's the politicising of this issue and the insistence that they are women that is causing the difficulty.

There is no such thing as someone born with male genitalia with male DNA printed into every cell of their body, who happens to have the brain of a woman in their head.

The swapping of the term gender dysphoria for 'born in the wrong body' has turned a neurological blip into some kind of sci-fi nonsense.

No one here thinks gender dysphoria isn't real and highly distressing, they do think it does not make someone a woman.

Transactivists are now very fond of saying they are actually biologically women. (You can see how they don't want a public debate about this, it would collapse like a house of cards).

And of course, if a man says he is an actual woman, lesbians should have no trouble sleeping with him, despite the presence of his 'lady penis'. Which IS a female organ as it is attached to a woman.

If you say, um no. You are called a transphobic bigot and told to check your privilege. If that's not misogyny, I don't know what is.

And this isn't fringe, this isn't some dark corners of the Internet, this is bloody everywhere. I could produce hundreds of links for you, but they are already in the threads on mumsnet.

I can understand how you find it overwhelming. As it doesn't tally with your direct experience. If the issue hadn't been politicised and allowed a whole bunch of undesirable men to make demands, it wouldn't be a problem.

AllOutPeak

Transactivists have done a sterling job of promoting transgenderism as something similar to the rights of LGB people. It's completely different, it's not a sexual orientation, it's an identity.

They vehemently shut down any debate and any dissent. The ideology does not stand up to scrutiny and they know it.

Take a wander around the feminist boards here and look at some of the trans threads. Mumsnet is one of the few places online that allows free speech around this issue, so I'm not at all surprised that you have remained unaware.

But be warned, it will set your blood pressure soaring.

The erasure of women's rights is happening already. On a grand scale. Starting with the definition of the word woman. Legally there is no definition that describes them any longer. As it now includes men.

Women cannot gather officially in a public space without the presence of a man, if that man says so.

Things you think are ridiculous and can't possibly be true, are true (but still bloody ridiculous).

(You may require alcohol).