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Original poster

How can I reconnect with feminism?

192 replies

Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 12:48

Sorry for any mistakes-this is my first thread and I'm using the appSmile

Im in my very early twenties, and I really struggle to connect with the feminist movement. I'm absolutely pro-equality and ensuring the global rights for women, but my experiences have left me feeling uncomfortable about calling myself a "feminist".

When I was at school, women's issues and feminism were never discussed, so my first awareness of the movement came from websites like Tumblr and EverydaySexism. These websites were quite radical, and I struggled to identify with issues such as 'man spreading', 'mansplaining' and the general man-hating subculture that seemed to be present. It felt to me like a group of quite privileged, fortunate western women looking for reasons to complain despite there being so many serious women's issues to deal with around the world, and there was a lot of talk about the western world supporting "rape culture", which I don't believe to be true, so I grew up feeing like feminism wasn't for me.

When I got to university, I attempted to get involved in the feminism society, but found that most of the events/talks centred around 'trans liberation', 'micro aggressions' and trigger warnings/banning topics or events that might be triggering. When an infamous male misogynist was scheduled to have a talk at the university, I was excited at the opportunity it would open for a real debate on gender and equality, but the feminist society held a rally and protest that ended up causing the visit to be cancelled, which I felt was a waste of a good opportunity and probably not a great move in terms of free speech. I eventually left the society when I was openly mocked at an event about future ambitions for saying that I would like to be a young mother. Over time, I completely stopped calling myself a feminist or having anything to do with the feminist movement.

Recently, I've discovered Hannah Witton's youtube channel, and although I don't agree with everything she says, I have found her videos talking about sex, relationships, women's bodies and what it means to be a woman to be really interesting and encouraging. I've been inspired to read more books and interact with more information about feminism and women's issues, and I really want to start reconnecting with my own female identity and feeling proud to be a woman again.

The only problem is that I really don't know where to start. Can anyone recommend some influential women, works or materials that I can look into, or tell me some of the things that make them proud of being a woman and a feminist?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/04/2017 14:14

Everyday Sexism and Everyday Feminism are completely different.

GenderEqualityAdvocate · 03/04/2017 14:14

Hooray. Chemicalromance that is the most sensible thing I have seen written on here. You win the internet! Best person on this forum by a mile.

Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 14:12

It looks like I've been a bit confused regarding everyday sexism/feminism - when I interacted with it, everyday sexism was popular on tumblr as a category that people tagged their own experiences under. From a quick search, it looks like this has perhaps morphed into the everyday feminism movement, as everyday sexism isn't quite the page that I remembered.
Thank you for clearing that up for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 14:09

Additionally, to respond to people who are asking why my experiences of abuse aren't reflected in my views - I will admit that I have always viewed my abuser not as a man, but as a person who was abusive. A woman was also involved in the abuse (although not the physical aspects) so I suppose that has given me a perspective that it isn't solely men who are the issue, but just bad people in general.

OP posts:
IAmAmy · 03/04/2017 14:09

Not to mention the risk of stalking. For example Shana Grice, who reported her abusive ex-boyfriend to the police for harassing her. The police responded by giving her a warning, he then went on to murder her.

Chemicalromance Everyday Sexism and Everyday Feminism are completely separate. I recommend the 'Everyday Sexism' book.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2017 14:09

Everyday Sexism is a British site about individual women's experiences. Everyday Feminism is an American magazine site about intersectional feminism, and has nothing to do with ES and never has done as far as I'm aware.

ILoveDolly · 03/04/2017 14:08

I definitely identify as a feminist but all this no gender nonsense, what? It's just not grounded in reality. I love some men, you know, the ones who aren't horrible people, misogynistic or pushy sex pests.
You can be a feminist just by happily living life and trying to bring your children up to love human kind, and strive to be what they want. I don't see that harm in gender as a concept as long as we accept that gender, sexuality and self-presentation are a spectrum not a binary.

Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 14:06

I've received quite a few replies and I'm getting a bit lost in regards to what I've replied to and what I haven't, so I just want to thank you all for them.
I really hope I'm not coming across as aggressive - I came to mumsnet hoping to be exposed to new perspectives and that's what I've received, so I'm very grateful!
I want to learn more about the movement, and your messages have shown me exactly what issues are considered important by feminists, so that gives me a good basis to do further research and perhaps have my opinions changed in the process.

I really am grateful for every response, so thank you very much (even if you think I seem like a bad person - maybe I'm just a bit ignorant after years of not being exposed to material about women's issues, so I will fix that!)

OP posts:
GenderEqualityAdvocate · 03/04/2017 14:02

Amy it goes both ways. There was the mother who was spared jail after attempting to murder her ex boyfriend. She left him with permanent brain damage but the judge ruled that to jail her because she had a child would just ruin one more life.

Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 14:02

@AssassinatedBeauty as far as I'm concerned it used to just be one movement, but I might be wrong so I will look into it! As I said, I haven't delved into the world of online feminism for a while just because I felt somewhat disillusioned with it.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2017 13:58

Do you mean EverydaySexism or EverydayFeminism? They're very different sites, and EF is nothing like my kind of feminism.

IAmAmy · 03/04/2017 13:58

Only last week in Britain a man was spared jail for beating his partner and forcing her to drink bleach. The judge also spoke of her not being "vulnerable" in legal terms due to her having a degree and a network of friends.

Eolian · 03/04/2017 13:58

Women in 'civilised' Western society absolutely do still suffer for being born female. Your posts read as though you don't believe that, which is particularly strange as you say that you were a victim of domestic abuse.

It is not acceptable to minimise or deny the daily sexism in this country just because women in some other countries suffer sexist abuse which can be more extreme or commonly accepted. You would not minimise the suffering of an abused child just because there are other children in the world who may be being treated even more badly.

Getting involved in helping women around the world would be a great thing to do. Rejecting other women's comcerns because you think those women are too 'privileged' (by which I presume you mean white and not poor) is misguided. Why should some women give up fighting for equal rights and treatment in society because of their bank balance or which neighbourhood they live in?

Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 13:57

I can see that I have not explained myself well, so I'll expand Smile
What I meant about privileged western women on sites such as everyday feminism was not that I don't feel any women in the western world are victims of inequality or abuse. What I was referring to, and I'm sorry that I didn't make this clearer, was the amount of anecdotes I saw on these sites referring to a man talking over someone, being called a female-associated slur, and anger at the way men sit on trains. While, these are, when considered solely within western context, issues to be discussed, I don't believe that movements focussed on these small inequalities should be a big focus at a time when women all around the world are being oppressed in terms of work, ability to vote, ability to go to school, child marriage, etc. There are serious women's issues, such as abortion rites, that need our support as nearby as Ireland, after all.
I haven't looked at the everyday sexism movement for a few years now, so if the direction of the movement has changed to include more tales of female abuse and oppression, then I apologise for not acknowledging it Smile

OP posts:
IAmAmy · 03/04/2017 13:56

to say that British society encourages or accepts rape or violence against women is ridiculous

I don't think it is at all. I've heard and seen so many rape jokes/memes, so much victim blaming, so many cases of rapists being given lenient sentences, sympathy given to for example the man who avoided prison recently for "having sex with" (raping) a 12 year old girl, the list is endless. Also some of the most staunch feminists in Britain are WOC. Nimko Ali for example does incredible work fighting FGM and is also a supporter of Everyday Sexism and friend of the woman who set it up.

GenderEqualityAdvocate · 03/04/2017 13:55

I think I love the OP. Younger women just have a better appreication of gender issues.

BertrandRussell · 03/04/2017 13:53

"Feminist men know their place? They must not speak out or have an opinion as that is an act of oppression.

Must not disagree with women...."

Yes, that's right. Well done. That is a perfect encapsulation of what feminists think

TitaniasCloset · 03/04/2017 13:51

I enjoyed reading The Whole Woman by Greer and How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. Easy reading and really interesting.

DJBaggySmalls · 03/04/2017 13:50

I dont want an Orwellian world free of descriptive terms such as male and female, it would make having children or discussing some types of disease impossible.

Original poster
Chemicalromance · 03/04/2017 13:49

@DJBaggySmalls I do believe that rape cultures exist, but to class the general culture of, say, Britain or Northern America as a rape culture is, in my view, ridiculous and belittling of the experiences of women in cultures that actively support, promote and reward the abuse and objectification of women as a religious or cultural norm. While some communities that support rape and abuse practices do exist in western countries, to say that British society encourages or accepts rape or violence against women is ridiculous.
It is true that rape convictions and legal justice for women is lacking still in the west, and this appalling, but a case being dismissed due to a lack of evidence or ability to declare accountability is not, as far as I am concerned, the same as a case being dismissed for the woman not being of a high enough social standing to deserve justice, a woman being killed for daring to report a rape, or a woman being terrified to report a rape in case it encourages men in positions of power to abuse her more.
The issues we have in this country, I would argue, are not a reflection of a public support, approval or acceptance of rape, but instead the result of a failing legal system that needs a significant alteration, which feminism can campaign for and encourage

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 03/04/2017 13:48

I'm confused as to why you think Everyday Sexism is 'radical'. It isn't. It is a playback of women's experiences. Is it radical to share experiences now? You may not have experienced many of them but lots and lots of women have and for them it is useful and reassuring to know that they aren't the only ones. To dismiss their experiences as "man-hating" is particularly insensitive. It really isn't those women doing the hating. They are just naming the problems. Each incident may be small (a lot of them aren't) but cumulatively they illustrate a wider issue. And you don't know that they were white. WoC are likely to suffer more abuse than white women so there is a big chance that many of the anecdotes were from BAME women.

DJBaggySmalls has given you some great links above by some women who really do know their stuff.

Your opening post did come across as "I'm all right, Jack, why isn't everyone else?" I know you probably didn't mean it in that way but disregarding women's experiences and how men behave towards us shows a bit of a lack of empathy. One of the things that feminism has done is allowed women to share experiences and be able to identify themes such as rape and other male violence; street harassment; domestic abuse etc. Once the problems have been named then we've then be able to work collectively to sort out refuges; change laws etc. Imagine if those experiences by women 30, 40, 50 years were just dismissed as "white, privileged western women" moaning? Because they were - for centuries. women have had fight for every right they now have, every law change, every recognition. Men haven't just said "Here you go. You're right".

GenderEqualityAdvocate · 03/04/2017 13:46

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IAmAmy · 03/04/2017 13:44

Good men wouldn't tell women "ah well you'll never be free from the risk of sexual assault, but stop blaming men". How on Earth are women supposed to know which the "good men" are to surround themselves with, seeing as so many sexual assaults and general violence against women is perpetrated by someone known to the victim?

Also the "good men" in my life are feminists and wouldn't lecture women on how they should feel or act.

GenderEqualityAdvocate · 03/04/2017 13:43

I care little for feminist definitions. I want a world free of gender terms. Male/Female. Father/Mother. Brother/sister must go.

I have a dream

BertrandRussell · 03/04/2017 13:40

"What I am looking to achieve, just in case I haven't made it clear, is to get involved with a movement that supports members of my own biological sex around the world who suffer simply for the sex they were born as. I am looking to join a movement that encourages members of my biological sex to be content and confident in our bodies, our bodies' biological processes, and what makes us different biologically to men."
Sounds like feminism is the place for you!

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