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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

When your friends drank the Kool-Aid

53 replies

VestalVirgin · 31/03/2017 11:55

There's many threads by parents whose children have drunken the Kool-Aid ... but what do you do when a (female, somewhat feminist) friend is a genderist?

I have met so many young women who try, at the same time, to maintain feminist ideals and justify forcing women to share showers, prison cells and toilets with male-bodied persons. Loads of cognitive dissonance there.

So far, I have been following the advice for being friends with people in abusive relationships - i.e. I have not tried to make them justify their ridiculous beliefs, as I fear they would then cling to them all the more. Especially as most of those women move in social circles that only consist of rabid trans-allies who they know would punish them for questioning the dogma.
But in the end, they are adults, and they know, deep down, that the genderist nonsense is nonsense. So, if they are ready to leave, I told myself, they will do so.

But perhaps that's not the best way?

Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do?

OP posts:
GuardianLions · 31/03/2017 12:25

Hi Vestal I am not in quite the same situation, but I do find my mouth just runs away with me and I can't help it, so I do tend to confront. I get the feeling some people are probably a bit wary of me and avoid topics that might set me off - but I could be imagining it.
But for me it is more other well-meaning mums, rather than active feminists that this happens with.
I've been inspired by seeing how older feminists handle it myself though - just politely and warmly refuting whatever statement and moving on to what they are here to do.
So that would be my suggestion - don't seek out conversations about trans, but if anything comes up that you disagree with, just politely refute. Eg-
"Did you know that Kate's son is trans?"
"I personally disagree with the whole notion of transgender - i think it re-inforces stereotypes and transgendering children is a form of child abuse in my opinion. Anyway, are you doing anything over the Easter holidays?"
If they want to discuss it further fine, but stating my case and moving on is enough for me.

IAmAmy · 31/03/2017 12:12

I have met so many young women who try, at the same time, to maintain feminist ideals and justify forcing women to share showers, prison cells and toilets with male-bodied persons. Loads of cognitive dissonance there.

As I've said on here before, this accounts for the majority of my school's Feminist Society, unfortunately. Some time ago I challenged it in quite a minor way, but I've since realised this is unacceptable so I only discuss the issue with a couple of friends who agree, to my considerable chagrin.

Datun · 31/03/2017 12:05

Good question vestal. Not been in that situation, so nothing to offer. But watching with interest.