I'm not the barista's "my love"

One of the barrista at my local shop calls me love. I hate her a little bit for it but I bear it as I believe she doesn't mean any harm.

Meh. We should enforce standardised use of the English language, remove local variances and formalise greetings to:

"Hello, fellow human being".

(I always find "hows it hanging?" an amusing one)

It depends, it can be okay or it can be patronising.
Considering it bothered you, I'd guess it came across as the second so yanbu (I know this isn't Aibu )

Hmmm. I'm guilty of this. It's a colloquialism. I'm an East Londoner and it's a thing.

I used to be a bit about this until I moved somewhere further north and realised it's a regional thing. Really doesn't bother me anymore in most contexts. I know women (seriously feminist women to boot) who call everyone 'love' and 'pet', male or female.

I call everyone my love, honey, chicken .. because I'm from Yorkshire - I don't mean anything by it and sometimes men find it weird when you call them love (especially if you're a man too-I'm not) so they often get mate.
Get over yourself it's just how we reference people. Would you rather I called you ma'am?

Yes and I can contribute what I want in response to them.

venus

This isn't AIBU though.
Anybody can contribute how they want to, on any thread.

Branleuse said....
"im a feminist and i absolutely do not give a shit about the fact that some people clumsily try to be nice or use pet names.
Now if it was someone in a position of power calling me darlin or my love, then thats got different connotations, but a workman or a barista, theyre just being friendly and you were being rude".

Interesting that you notice that it is often (not exclusively) about the power dynamic between the two people.
My experience is a big part of the offence is about people seeing such familiarity with people they see as below them that winds them up. Having worked in the service industry in the North I have noticed that when using love or mate it is far more often the people that get out of the Audi TT in the car park and not the Ford Fiesta that bristle and take offence by it.

In my neck of the woods it's "me duck".

If it's London, then men use mate to other men seen as equals, and love to women, the elderly, and children. Which is patronising as hell.

If the person is just using it as a figure of speech I ignore it (but often call a man love or petal back, which flummoxes them), but if they clearly are trying to be patronising then I will definitely use the most patronising terms I can think of in exchange. "I'm not your love" never goes well.

There's a young woman where I work who calls everyone "My lovely" regardless of age, sex or corporate seniority - I find it quite cheering!

im a feminist and i absolutely do not give a shit about the fact that some people clumsily try to be nice or use pet names.
Now if it was someone in a position of power calling me darlin or my love, then thats got different connotations, but a workman or a barista, theyre just being friendly and you were being rude.

It depends on context for me. At work there was one particular canteen worker (from a highly patriarchal culture, if it matters) who'd always address me as love or darling while looking me up and down. After a few months of this I said something like "Please don't call me darling. My name is X." For the rest of my time at that company I got an icy "Ma'am" and probably spit in my soup.

I really wouldn't get offended by this. I'd say he was just being friendly and polite.

What an odd reason not to agree with feminist principles. Chatting about how people refer to women in the UK doesn't stop you from also knowing, caring about and acting to help women in other parts of the world who are suffering. It's not one or the other.

Do you go onto most AIBU threads and say the same, mummabear? Do feel free to go away and read some articles about Yemen.

This is exactly why, as a woman, I absolutely do not identify as a feminist. The pettiness and self righteousness is just astounding! Maybe, for a little perspective you should read about the starving children in Yemen. Or maybe the children in Vietnam still living with the horrific affects of Agent Orange or the women of Afghanistan who are truly do suffer suppression.

My experience is that over a certain age, and not attempting to look attractive, you just get called "Madam" or by your name, or nothing. Which I prefer, tbh.

I think i object to the term barista more than 'my love' but I've never been a coffee drinker.

I can't bear love and have called people out about it at work on several occasions. I defo get a 🙄 but I couldn't give a stuff!

It's nice to be acknowledged and for people to be polite and pleasant. Better than being ignored or him being rude.

This doesn't really bother me, as I understand it's just a friendly way of addressing people. I don't read anything into it.

I don't do it myself, but i live just outside London and whenever I have workmen in the house ( we've been renovating) I get called everything from doll to darlin.

Things like me " here's some coffees for you" them " thanks doll" .

Shrugs.

I can't get worked up about it either. I bet he was .