I'm not the barista's "my love"

Yes to all your post Hippo.

That's your interpretation. I don't think it is patronising. I'd hate to be called "mate"

Same. I ordered a takeaway once, opened the door without putting the light on in the hall and the delivery driver said, 'There you go, mate.' I was inexplicably offended

I'm oop North and don't (normally) get worked up about this. Everyone is 'love' up here. Although, bizarrely, there is a hierarchy on who can use the term, but it's an age rather than a gender thing. Someone over the age of 30 won't like being called love by someone who is still at school, for example.

It's very hard to know a non-offensive way to be warm and human and greet others.

It's really not. You can just say things like, "Hello," "Good morning," "Hi, how are you?"

I can't think of a single case where saying something with a term of endearment can't also be said politely without one. What's wrong with, "Here's your coffee," instead of, "Here's your coffee, love," or "Here's your coffee, mate"?You're going to be addressing a person rather than just randomly shouting at a crowd - and if you do do the latter, how does a term of endearment help? It's not distinguishing in the way and individual name is, so it doesn't help show who you're talking to.

On the other hand my dhs best friend started calling me love about 5 years ago (I've known him for 15years) something about the way he says it makes me want to punch him in the face. I get on well with him so told him but he still slips up sometimes.

*The real Queen can go by Queenie

I like Queen.

A bus driver in Liverpool called me Queen once. It was the best thing ever. I now work with a woman who uses it regularly and it never fails to cheer me up.

*Feels like no one is actually reading what we're writing..

I was. I simply cannot get angry about this. Like several others I rather like it. To be honest to interpret it as a comment on your "fuckability" seems , to me, bizarre.

Oh and before someone calls me out for hiding under a different name (which always happened when I did use to change) I'm Lass. I've forgotten my log in for usual name.

I think sometimes if you live, breath and constantly post about a subject you see it everywhere, including where it isn't. Absolutely

The bus driver called me "flower" the other day.

DH came back from a beer shop the other day, bemused that the woman who served him had called him flower, my darling, sweetheart, and half a dozen other endearments.
He's 42 the woman was younger, in her 30s maybe, so not the usual older/younger dynamic.

I've lived all over the UK and have never heard a man call another man love.

Obviously not all over - because I have, and others it seems too.

why must (mostly) women accept this behaviour from (mostly) men

I honestly don't think that's the case. Anybody buying anything or interacting with someone in a customer facing role gets called love. Honestly don't think women get it more.

I'm not wanting everyone to agree with me - again, missed the point entirely. Feels like no one is actually reading what we're writing...

The bus driver called me "flower" the other day.

I thought it was rather cute

WhatwouldKeanu - I wasn't patronising; I was responding to VP's remarks about not going to uni.

Some people are spectacularly missing the point, I don't know if it's willfull, ignorance or lack of understanding

No, they just don't agree with you.

I like it generally and way better than I would like 'Madam'.

Some people are spectacularly missing the point, I don't know if it's willfull, ignorance or lack of understanding.

Also, I don't think it's kind/friendly/nice to insinuate that women who do find this uncomfortable are paranoid/not kind/friendly/nice! The kind/friendly/nice thing to do would be to accept people's feelings and respect them, surely?

Some people find this uncomfortable. They are not wrong, that is how they feel, whether you understand why they feel that way or not. They are not hurting anyone by feeling that way. No one is saying that anyone is wrong, or a bad feminist or whatever, if they don't mind these uninvited terms of endearment. We're just saying be mindful and respectful of others feelings - why is that so unfriendly?

I get called 'my love' by women just as much as I do men - in shops etc.

"Everything is sexist and you have to point it all out"
A Sarkeesian.
For my two peneth
I think sometimes if you live, breath and constantly post about a subject you see it everywhere, including where it isn't.

Some very paranoid people on here.

I use endearments a lot. With friends and family. Often starting a text to a girlfriend with hallo lovely.

Personally I think it's all about context. I used to find the word 'dear' very irritating. But I often use it now in a slightly ironic way with m'dear.

Someone shouting 'oi, love' has a slightly different feeling to 'thanks, love'.

I'm trying my hardest to see if it is sexist and/or patronising, but I don't think it is. It can sometimes be inappropriate, but that's context again.

He probably means well.
Think of a funny nickname to call him back for a laugh that's what I would do. Next time he says my love say ok duckie or something lol

It's a stark reminder that these men are seeing me as woman first, and essentially commenting on my fuckability

I'm pushing 58. I very much doubt they are commenting on my fuckability. Women say this too you know? Are they checking if I'm a lesbian?

I don't use endearments to anyone other than DH, DD and the children I work with. It would just feel fake for me to call a stranger/acquaintance "love" or "dear". Some people are just more friendly than others I guess.

Ehasmy you don't need to go to university to say that..

Patronising in case you didn't know.