Terrified of aging

As for me, I struggle to really understand the whole time limited nature of my own life. I know how stupid that is but it really gets to me. Ageing is like sands through an hour glass and I feel like this whole enterprise will end before I've really understood it.

Isn't it interesting that the op did not mention her looks or wrinkles and yet the conversation almost immediately veered toward the topic of beauty

I thought it was odd, not interesting. I thought the poster who asked that made a strange and unjustified assumption from the opening post.

And literally as I just walked into the kitchen to make a drink this little ditty rang out over BBC Radio 2:

Keep young and beautiful
It's your duty to be beautiful
Keep young and beautiful
If you want to be loved

I didn't know whether to laugh or hang my head in sorrow.

I mean OP did not mention looks until specifically asked a question about them of course. Even then there was little detail other than she does not look her age/has no wrinkles. This was not her main concern. I think this really shows how conditioned we are, jumping immediately to a conversation about beauty when the fear of ageing is discussed.

She is quite right that men are treated quite differently and this just angers me so much. In fact I should probably not discuss that or I shall start the day in a bad mood and society will like grumpy old me even less

Isn't it interesting that the op did not mention her looks or wrinkles and yet the conversation almost immediately veered toward the topic of beauty, which obviously society deems as 'faded' past a certain age. She appears to be more concerned about the actual number and other things it implies, the worry of not being able to start a family at such an age (biologically but also because we are taught that men only want to procreate with young females no matter what age they are) and just the general decline in a persons' worth that comes with a number.

I think this really highlights the effect of our culture and it's obsession with youth equaling beauty, and little focus on anything else. Even those who are not bothered about losing looks still have this issue at the forefront of their minds whenever the word ageing is bandied about. Of course there are lots of things we lose as we age, so much we have to deal with, but this appears to be the sole focus.

I'm about to turn 32 in a few months and am sickened by how I spent much of my twenties (always looking for approval based on my face on body) and even more sickened by what I am about to go through over the remainder of my life having realised how I am going to be treated by people (men and young people especially.)

I have lived with BDD and an ED for much of my life resulting in low self esteem and depression/anxiety. Since I turned 30 I have done all I can to change my brain and allow my 2 year old dd to grow up with a healthier mind, but it feels utterly futile. Youth and beauty and validation based on these things seems to affect everyone in some way, even those who manage to ignore the noise. It seems impossible to escape.

Yes and no. I am 42 this year and yep wrinkles are appearing but I like myself better at this age. Watching the media, youtube etc can get depressing. I feel like there are no role models for my age.

I have a wrinkle and I despise it .. I'm not ready to go downhill when I have never achieved my ' best self' . Fucking wrinkle I am 22 and know women who're 45 who don't have wrinkles and I hate hate hate it. Right ... slight meltdown over.

I'm not going to embrace my inner crone as I don't have an inner crone. I'm 57. I don't think I'm past my best.

Career wise I'm doing better than I ever did and my profile is far higher than when I was 30.

Looks wise I wish I could lose some weight. I was beautiful when young. I don't think I have lost my looks- I'm just older.

would you say that your feelings of self worth and self esteem are based on your looks rather than your personality / intelligence / skills and achievements?

My sense of self worth was and is based on looks, intelligence and skills and achievement.

I probably wouldn't fear aging so much if it wasn't for MN and the media.

for you all. This is making me feel better

Felt a bit wobbly nearing 60 but not bothered about losing looks. What I hate is my body wont work properly anymore!

I will be 60 this year!! HTFF did that happen?.. I admit i strugged a few years ago , but I have accepted myself ( pretty much now..) its actuall y quite liberating.. I am fortunate that the old geezer I am shackled to is also reasonably pragmatic about getting older..

We are doing it disgracefully.. (and ooer missus !)
Its not all that bad, really and what is the alternative?

I'm not thrilled at turning 50 but I do love the person I've become and my life.
I had aggressive breast cancer at 27 so I'm so lucky to be here.
I do like the fact that I eat well (ish) and exercise for health rather than vanity now.

How old are you? I'm nearing 50 and I'm not scared of the next couple of decades (health permitting). I've been 'past my best' according to societal standards for a while now and TBH it's a bit of a relief. I think I'm just approaching my personal best

I'm terrified of being very old and needing personal care though.

Having never been seen as fuckable I've been invisible my whole life anyway so quite like the fact I'm getting older.

This country is to obsessed with youth.

Nope but I have noticed people who are what society perceives as beautiful struggle more with ageing. I have never particularly fit the mould and seem to be getting happier in myself the older I get.

Do t be daft... Embrace your inner crone. Seriously though, I do think really beautiful looking women possibly find aging harder than more ordinary looking ones. My Mum has !oathed getting older and her looks changing but I think it has blighted her life for several years now. I don't want to care that much and hope to find something good jn every stage.

I like that too.

Yes.
I've started to notice women in my age bracket (40s) getting sidelined at work too any the cynical feminist in me thinks it's because we are ageing out of being perceived as fuckable and therefore pointless.
It's so fucking depressing. I wish I could accept it more gracefully bit I can't.

I like being more invisible. Used to be quite attractive and gots lots of hassle, letching and grim sexual comments etc. Now I don't - result!

No.
It depends what you think 'your best' is.

Me too.