Terrified of aging

No but I am afraid of dying/death.

I was a bit miffed to find a long, lone grey hair the other day though (I'm 26?!?), hopefully it was a one off.

You need to find something you love. Art, gardening, DIY, cooking, history, makeup lessons whatever. Oh and exercise. The best advice of all This focus on your looks is pointless.

I'm assuming that you are thus far attractive? Look after yourself, eat well and find things that interest you, find ways to be happy! Happy people are attractive. Botoxed expressionless people are not attractive. Enjoy your life.

If you have nothing to lose I would really consider doing something radical...what is your job? Can you take a year off on sabbatical or transfer to an office in another area or country? Go and have some fun! Work on a cruise ship or in tourism somehow so you can be paid to travel, get live-in jobs so you can save up more effectively, or volunteer for a charity overseas...really if things feel this bad any change is a good thing - try something new - you can do it - break away from the grind and have an adventure!

My DM used to sing that to me when I was a child Pies

She was always an old woman, I think she was born an old woman. At 40 DM moaned about her knees and told me to take care of myself as she was old and would be gone soon. She is now 80, still fit, well and mobile, but has been saying that shit for 40 years

I had my only child at 39. I am now 45, reasonably fit and healthy and as far as I can see have a good chance of the same amount of time over again. I will not spend it moaning and waiting to die like DM.

Often life doesn't work out how we plan it. I wanted lots of children but turned out to have a medical condition that meant I lost many pregnancies. I could sit and cry for what I don't have sometimes I do but instead I try to focus on the future. There are new hobbies to try, places to go, people to meet. I have plans and they help me look forward instead of grieving for the past.

Sorry you are feeling so down, OP

I am 68 - I have no problem whatever about how I look - I still happen to have long dark brown hair and hardly a wrinkle - but, even if this were not the case, I do not care about how I look. What I do care about is the pain - hips, back etc., and other physical buggerations that loom large in my life which mean I cannot do the things I would like to do and be as active as I would wish.

I also have moments of sadness in knowing that my very dear GC will grow up and I will not see what they become. Sigh.

A classic midlife crisis is something like wanting a sports car.

It isn't worrying about lack of meaningful relationships, a job, family, a pension, a roof over your head in old age.

OP, I listen to Nina Simone's 'Ain't Got No' to cheer myself up.

I hate ageing. Really, really loathe it. My knees struggle on stairs every day, my hips give me constant pain. I'm tired after about 6 o'clock and angry that I can't stay up late enjoying myself.

I feel physically vulnerable and I worry about falling over. When I have fallen over or down the stairs it's agony, I have a very low pain threshold. It takes ages to recover from tiny injuries. I can no longer enjoy wine or eating late without heartburn and hideous hangovers after 2 glasses.

My mind is entirely out of step with my body. I am interested in everything, crave knowledge and delight in the smallest thing. I literally love life and living. I could read, walk, watch TV, have interesting conversations all day and never get bored of life's infinite variety.

And I'm also clearly vain as I'm not keen on the wrinkles, grey hair, wobbly bingo wings that accompany it. And I resent the extra primers, foundations and hairdressing trips to look 'ok' or 'normal'. It all takes extra time, money and effort. It was fun when I was young as it was enhancement, now it's maintenance to not look bag lady-ish.

*I dont think Id be half as upset about being this age if my.life vaguely resembled something Id want.

I haven't done anything you're supposed to.*

This sounds like classic mid-life crisis doesn't it?
Doesn't (almost) everyone hit 38-42 and realise their youth is behind them, missed opportunities, etc?

Niki, I am in my early forties and have immense feelings of maybe regret or failure.

I haven't done all the things that you are 'supposed' to have done by your forties.

I am scared of aging, because I am running out of time to complete the things that make life secure and worthwhile.

I assume that many people, and certainly many women, must feel that way. Because it is actually very difficult to have children, other adults who love you, fulfilling experiences and minimum financial security in old age,

Never mind what you are 'supposed' to do - what do you want to do? What do you want from your life?

What are you "supposed to do" anyway? Who decides these things?

Start thinking about what you'd like to do.

Seriously, go to Peru or something. Or Spain. learn a language, have fun.

There is not need to live your live entirely by other people's rules.

What would you really really like to do if there were no barriers? Where would you go?

at 38 with no kids the world is your oyster,

You could move to Colombia, Germany or France (just a few countries where I have lived where women are sexy and chatted up at ANY age...if that's your thing )for a year and teach English or whatever (travel), find yourself a lover (or two) and enjoy your freedom.

Really, you can do anything. Doesn't have to be a 9-5 job and live in the UK (if that's what you are doing).

Open your mind!

As to the ageing thing, I am 45 and whilst I sometimes feel a small sense of loss regarding my legs (saggy and veiny and wrinkly knees) deep down I enjoy this age. So far so good.

I hate our age obsessed society and can not understand why we are not like other cultures who value their older members. Have you ever listened to a group of teenage/early twenty somethings chatting? Imo they talk bullocks half the time, I find older people much more interesting now (probably cause at 44 I am one of them!) and apart from the looks thing, I have no idea why men leave their 40/50 year old (interesting!) wives for much younger women?! Take away the sex and life must be very dull for them?
Op if your lucky enough to look younger just lie about your age

I like the invisibility. Its women over 40's superpower. Its liberating to me. I can walk into somewhere and not feel like I am being judged on my looks or breast size I can happily saunter past workmen and know that I,m not going to get catcalled or jeered or told to 'smile love'. I am a lot more confident. I dont give a shiny shit what anyone thinks about me anymore. Life is definitely a lot less stressful when you embrace your age.

Why do you think no one takes you seriously? I don't think it's true - quite the opposite. I think women are more likely to be taken seriously once youthful good looks are less of a distraction. But not all women, and not as much as similarly aged men, many of whom don't deserve to be taken as seriously as they are.

I have found once you're past the age children are a possibility, it gets easier. Also, I am a lot more confident about myself, and give far less of a damn about what others think of me. That side of aging is definitely a positive.

freeniki, you sound really down and defeated - I am sorry.

Just to offer you an alternative perspective, I'm mid-40s and have no children and am perfectly content with that. Try not to beat yourself up with the could-have-beens - easier said than done, I know. It's hard when it seems like society is always cramming down your throat that you can never be happy unless you have children, that you'll never know love until you do, but it's just not true. You can be fulfilled and happy with or without.

As for being single, when they survey people on lifetime happiness, single women come out generally happier than married women, so that's something to think about too! (and there is very little difference for women with and without children).

For myself, I don't mind so much the visual aspects of aging as I do the physical ones. I've always taken more pride in my body for what it can do, than for how it looks, and as I age I'm less able to do all the crazy sports and challenges that I've always done, and I am periodically get quite bitter about that. Thanks a lot, early menopause

In my head 'aging' refers to wrinkles, grey hairs, liver spots etc
Whereas ' growing old' refers to aches and pains, being dependent, dementia

So 'I'm terrified of growing old' would mean worried about future health problems and getting set in my ways whereas 'I'm terrified of aging' would be loss of youthful beauty.
So I can see where the jumping to conclusions comes from.

But that distinction may just be in my head