When you know it is sexism / because you are a woman, but ...

Good point Flavia. I think the same could be said for lots of aspects of pregnancy/childbirth- especially the way it is dealt with in the workplace. I'm not someone who expected to be fawned over when pregnant and was quite happy to do my job as usual. However, I got rather fed up with being expected to work incredibly long hours, travel constantly (including to training courses which I could easily and more effectively been on after I returned). If men had to do something that made them very tired, have hip pain etc in order to grow the next generation of people I suspect this would be treated as Very Important (and not an irritating thing that women will insist on doing) and a few small adjustments made (without it having any impact on their career opportunities of course). I also think that if men gave birth they (and their workplaces) would also expect the other parent to do a lot of the work after the child is born (and would support this, and recognise/value the skills that being a parent involves).

Mine is medical. I do wonder if I was a man rather a woman who's given birth, would the hip pain I get be taken more seriously? I really think it would.

The older I get the more I realise this is "the patriarchy" is action - we feel it in all these subtle ways. It doesn't have to be big in your face sexism - it is subtle, pervasive, persistent and impossible to avoid.

I can no longer listen to Chris Evans - the world may shout at me "he's not sexist, it's just his manner" but he is unbearably sexist - he can't help himself. It patronizes every woman he encounters on that show. And he's probably the most listened to Radio DJ in the country.

Oh I have another one.

A few years ago DH was in a job with an utter cunt as a boss. I had my equally important, just as full-on (but not quite as well paid) job elsewhere. DH's boss expected me to be the one EVERY SINGLE TIME to take time off if one of the DC was ill or had a dentist appointment or whatever. He actually said the words "Why isn't your wife doing that?" He definitely knew about my job. He was just a sexist prick.

This post literally couldn't have come at a better time. I applied for a new job yesterday. My partner felt all guilty because he has been moaning about my shifts, I snarled and said "my new manager is a misogynistic prick and I need out". He stands that bit too close to me, getting in my personal space, and mansplains over the top of me. Every day sexism at it's finest!

For me it was that, despite wearing ordinary, non uniform clothes, a stethoscope, pager and badge that said Dr Poppyred I still got called "nurse." Or the assumption that the male doctor I was doing a ward round with must have been my boss (it was the other way round.) I still get it now outside of work if I say something that makes people think I may be medical. "Oh, are you a nurse?" Often this is from other women.
I did once get pretty cross with a patient's son who kept calling me "girlie" while I was trying to explain his Mum's condition to him. When I challenged him on it he tried to pass it off as saying it was a northern expression that we didn't have down south. There was no way he would have addressed a male member of staff in that way or with the patronising tone he tried on with me.

This is really interesting. I've had many many incidents where I thought a man would have been treated differently but, as you say, because it's just one incident anyone I mention it to minimises the situation (especially at work). Just a few examples I've noticed (and been told are definitely not due to sexism) are:

• At work everyone is busy. Yet whenever there someone leaves/has a baby/gets married etc a woman from their team is asked to go round the office collecting money and buy (and wrap) a card and gift. Despite over 50% of the staff being male I have never seen a man do this job. Apparently this is just because the particular person asked to do it has done it before and knows what works best. If there was a tedious job that a male colleague happened to have done once before, the usual response was that they should not be asked again as they had 'done their bit'.
• Similarly most HR related tasks seem to be handed out to women (recruitment, performance management etc). I'm not belittling HR work, but in our industry we are all asked to meet financial targets and clearly time spent on HR issues does not bring in money. Again, apparently people asked to do this are asked because they are seen to have suitable skills. I did once make a bit of a fuss about the fact that I was expected to do this but did not seem to get any formal recognition for it and the (male) boss added a recruitment target to my objectives for the year, but left all the other objectives the same as my male colleagues (on the same pay).

I was asked if I had childcare in place if my children got sick, by an all women panel. I was shocked. I told them my husband. They laughed.

Yes I was looking at him the whole time with my "WTF are you actually saying & do you even know" face on.

Cognitive dissonance indeed.

Batteries Yes, I understand your point. He hasn't approached me or DH with work since we learned this - it would leave a very nasty taste in my mouth to be doing work that DH doesn't have to do. I don't think I would/could. But I also have to pay the bills and I can't afford to piss someone off who could badmouth me. I need to handle it carefully whenever he's next in touch.

DH and I have for the first time ever been asked to pitch for the same project (on the same terms!) and we're currently engaged in an amusing discussion over whether to compete with each other or one of us bow out. When we discussed this theoretically we thought it would be fun to compete, but now he's backing out! wuss

Like the cognitive dissonance of a man pushing a pram but objecting to boys playing with buggies and doll babies.

My mother bought my son an ironing board (and Hoover and toy kitchen) when he was a toddler that he was delighted with.

MiL was aghast. DM politely (icily) pointed out 'well, how else he going to learn how to take care of himself?' MIL opened her mouth to reply, glanced at me, then mumbled something incoherent and went off.

Like the cognitive dissonance of a man pushing a pram but objecting to boys playing with buggies and doll babies.

My mother bought my son an ironing board (and Hoover and toy kitchen) when he was a toddler that he was delighted with.

MiL was aghast. DM politely (icily) pointed out 'well, how else he going to learn how to take care of himself?' MIL opened her mouth to reply, glanced at me, then mumbled something incoherent and went off.

Well done that DD!

Like the cognitive dissonance of a man pushing a pram but objecting to boys playing with buggies and doll babies.

I was going through the lost property at school yesterday when a Dad and his 6yo Dd come along.

Bit of chit chat re lost property then he says "it's the mothers fault all this lost property." Yeah I bit.

Apparently women drop children off at school, and are trained to look after clothes and if they don't they aren't doing their jobs properly - stream of bullshit stuff.

I said I think the word he was looking for was parent, and anyway no one has super powers to avoid kids losing clothes.

He insisted it was mothers work and mothers fault. And mothers take children to school! Oh the irony.

Then his daughter piped up "but dad you bring me to school and you look after my clothes with mum too" and she blinked at him questioning.

I mentally fist pumped her.

And added him to the "dickhead" spreadsheet.

I agree Batteries, but IME when you do challenge it there's a serious backlash so you have to be prepared for that. In many cases women can't afford to risk that backlash.

Regarding 'something to prove' I know it's because if sexist attitudes and wasn't trying to say it isn't.

But the fact remains that if we women don't challenge it who will? If I knew that a man in my industry was giving men work off the back of lunches I would damn sure be inviting him for lunch and doing what I could to make it known I knew what was going on.

I saw it when I worked -women would say oh Man A expects women to write the pitch (the work) and men to give it (the credit). I would just say...no and challenge it. Because if not me then who? It's not right to be subject to sexism and to have to challenge it but refusing to play the game of second class citizen is important I think.

The head of our organisation tends to accuse staff of being too emotional (it is on an emotive subject). We've started to notice...he only ever says that to female staff, never to male...

How about expectations?

MIL, whom I love dearly, is sending me idea after idea and link after link of things for us to do when we visit them next week, packing tips ("don't bring too much"), requests for a shopping list so she can make sure they are stocked up with food and toiletries that we like. Extremely nice of her but
(1) She wouldn't even think of sending any of this stuff to DH, her son. The expectation is clearly that I am the mum, the woman, therefore in charge of all the Wifework like packing and planning family days out and knowing what brand of shampoo my 13 year old likes, and
(2) FIL has Not. One. Clue. about any of this stuff - expectation being that a man of his generation does not need to bother his head about caring about these things or being a good host. So MIL has a Wifework expectation on her, too.

Hope that makes sense.

AAAAGH this drives me insane. Personal bugbears are 1) being expected to arrange team building events and socials. Never once seen a man get asked to do this and ofc it's not valued despite being a royal PITA 2) assumption you will be happy to minute meetings/share notes. Drives me mad.
The other day a guy I worked with decided to tell me all about how he's doing really well by talking through his ideas with the director, I can emulate his success by just talking to the director. The director looks at me like I'm pond scum and can barely manage a veneer of basic politeness (I have had to introduce myself 3 times). Yet my male manager totally can't comprehend the advantage he has just by the manager being prepared to listen for a minute. It's hard for me to see it as anything other than sexism

I've made a conscious effort not to buy from people who behave like this.

One of the reasons we have our current car is because, after weeks of people talking to DH about things of which he has no clue, the bloke at Jaguar heard one comment from me and fetched his boss, who discussed suspension and superchargers with me while DH and the underling discussed paint colours. The only place that didn't have to do a double take.

I have been completely ignored in other places. DH just laughs and says, "your mistake mate, she's the expert" and we move on.

This definitely resonates with me, it's a massive problem where I work and in my specific role. it's getting me down too and I have the same issues when I call it out. Something has happened very recently and I'm at screaming pitch.

Back in the mid 1990s I had a male secretary for a year or two. Really uncommon then.

It afforded both of us endless hours of amusement. Although I was in my 50s (I am retired now) and he was only in his 20s it was astonishing how many men (and some women) who didn't know us could not possibly fathom that I was the boss and he was the secretary.

Occasionally I was irritated enough to offer the fact that I could even do joined up writing

Here is a link for the helpful website for this topic, "Everyday Sexism": everydaysexism.com/ , already mentioned on this thread by other people. I think this website is a very good resource documenting the sexism faced by women and girls around the world, in our everyday lives.

I do not recommend the "Everyday Feminism" website, also mentioned on this thread. It has a very different agenda, featuring too much misogynistic content and it often prioritises male people over female people.