Debating With Arsehole Men: need a how-to guide!

You can't argue with misogynist men because in their opinion, what you say is wrong because you are a woman. They won't listen to you because you're a woman. Your facts will be wrong on some level because you are a woman.

I read some pop-psych article recently that said the best way to get someone to change their minds about something was to energetically agree with them.

I haven't tried it out yet.

I think the best advice I got was from someone who has to handle this kind of stuff in a professional capacity. It was "remember, you're not actually talking to them, you're talking to the audience" (for audience, read lurkers on threads, etc.) You will never convince them, but if you can show them up for the idiots they are in a dispassionate, informed way, you may sway some people who were on the fence, or who simply hadn't realised what the issues were, or how important they were.

(It is of course advice I personally have honoured more in the breach than the observance - Josef's "feeling aggravated and unable to sleep" is a feeling I recognise all too well. )

I hear you OP.

I genuinely think that there is something wrong with men inside their heads that makes them incapable of empathising or understanding situations other than those they take part in themselves.

However, I do agree with Jenny, It's a futile and mostly pointless exercise.

I am just speechless at the 'I hate "posh" women because they can get more casual sex than me' Josef. I'm not offended or anything, more just WTF?!

But I agree with Jenny, why bother?

1. don't bother.

I think it's very difficult trying to change anyone's mind online. Almost inevitably, exchanges concerning contentious topics get very heated very quickly if two people start off on an adversarial footing.

Certainly, if you're engaging with Men's Rights Activist types online then they'll be spoiling for a fight and won't concede any ground to you.

It happens to me too, although being a man it's perhaps a bit different.

The other day on another forum I was trying to find find some common ground with a very illiberal hard Brexit advocate, but everything I said was met with accusations of being a 'Remoaner' or living in an 'elite metropolitan bubble'. I tried to explain that I definitely don't live in an elite metropolitan bubble, but he wasn't having any of it. For mysterious reasons he mistook me for a woman and called me a 'posh bitch'. He said I can probably have sex with anyone I like and look down on working-class men like him who lack the advantage of being posh and having access to casual sex. This was his manifesto. He very clearly didn't like women very much. Or Muslims. Or anyone who reads the Guardian. In fact, anyone who didn't share his entire worldview was his sworn enemy. He believed that Donald Trump and Brexit would lead to a victory for ordinary men like him against all the Guardian readers, posh bitches and Muslims.

The thing is though, I found myself getting really annoyed too. As the exchange escalated I could feel my pulse quickening and my neck tightening. 'Dumb Brexiter' I called him. 'Racist', 'Sexist'.

When I was lying in bed later, feeling really quite aggravated and unable to sleep I thought 'What was the point of that?'

I had a twitter argument with a man last night which ended when I offered to set him some critical thinking homework.

Failing that I just offer up the feminist prayer "Grant me the self belief of a mediocre man"