The effect of porn on teenage boys and young men

I think an interesting thing here (I'm a man btw) is that looking at porn used to be something that was shameful. Boys/men like to look at pictures and films of (certain types) of naked women or women having sex, but in the past this activity, which does bring them pleasure - was regarded as something to be ashamed of. Someone spoke about their son using porn and being caught - his reaction would be one of feeling ashamed of himself for looking at it, a dirty little secret is how it used to be. That is how I felt as a teen when my mum found a copy of Fiesta my mate had stolen from the newsagent. My mum was not moved to say anything about that, but these days it's a whole different scale.

In some respects the mass availability of porn strikes me, as a man, as somewhat inevitable given the desire men have to look at naked women. In the past it has been tempered by ideas of virtue and shame, those appear to have been relaxed somewhat.

Part of my work involves educating young people about porn. Few of their parents have ever discussed it with them. I would say nearly all have been exposed to it by age 11.

I am on mobile so cant fo links but childline and think u know have some good information on their sites and ideas on how to engage with young people on this.

speak well I can only go on what my Dh said. I think I have been pretty naive in the past regarding the prevalence of porn as a 'norm' in men's lives. It certainly came as a surprise when I first realised dh looked at it. I used to think he was a pretty decent guy with high moral values, but if he looks regularly and reckons most men do, it sounds like a large proportion of men just see it as normal behaviour and would therefore not challenge it. Pretty sad, really.
Why, do you think they would?

makeourfuture There is an economic element.
Yes- and this is likely the case in Italy too, where young people, males in particular, do not leave the family home until in their late 30s/40s even.
How can one have normal, healthy adult relationships with potential life partners when living at home? It was different in the past when the societal expectation was strongly against pre-marital sex.

Sorry- I didn't explain IsP thing. I thought there was a proposal for all UK ISPs to make access to pornography opt in only?

surely a good thing that any pornhounds are unable to maintain either an erection or a relationship no ?

Is the proposed UK ISPs option in thing going ahead?

I'm not sure what the proposal is but if you look at the attempts to make ISPs accountable for allowing access to pirated media it will almost certainly not have any meaningful effect. The powers that be can't even eradicate the online distribution of child pornography and there they have both the law and public opinion very much on their side.

Given the nature of the Internet, I believe education of our children is the only option we have. Unfortunately not enough is being done to provide us with the tools to do that. I had to deal with my son when he was a teenager both in relation to him being caught using porn and also to him having offensive chats with girls online. I used his sisters as analogies to get him to understand that the girls he was looking at or talking to were human beings. How would you feel if your sister saw that when using the computer? How would you feel if someone was saying things like that to her? Why is it alright for other girls but not alright for your sisters, etc etc . I think I got through to him but I was very much winging it. Nobody had ever briefed me as a parent how to deal with this sort of thing. We never had any communication from the school to advise what, if anything, they were doing to teach morality in the digital age or what we could do to support them. It is a massive and growing problem and it needs to be taken much more seriously than it is currently.

"Why don't you quit with the nasty personal insults speak and the claims to be able to mind read." I have no idea what you are referring to. Please report any post where I have made any nasty personal insults towards you or anyone else.

"I believe this is already starting to happen in Japan. The population is plummeting partly because Japanese male under-40's are decreasingly interested in sex with real life women."

Hikikomori. There have been a few things written about this. There is an economic element.

namechange do you think that most men wouldn't say anything in those circumstances? Showing naked pictures of a woman to work colleagues surely is inappropriate behaviour and ought to be dealt with with disciplinary action. Plus, surely it's against the law, somehow? I don't know enough about the legalities.

Why don't you quit with the nasty personal insults speak and the claims to be able to mind read.

This isn't fair.

Girl said that some men use masturbatory aids rather than have sex with real women. Which is a fact - some of them do. She didn't infer that to be a good thing.

Presumably some women use vibrators rather than real men for sexual satisfaction. Has anyone got a problem with that?

Oh for heavens sake.

You were using it to describe sex, not using prostitutes.

Yes, but you find any negative comments about porn "tedious", don't you, girl........

Eh ?

So what does this mean then speak ?

It is depressing that porn seems to have become an issue worth addressing because it's affecting men and their ability to perform sexually.

Yes, but you find any negative comments about porn "tedious", don't you, girl........

Good job no one on this thread has suggested that's the case then.

I guess if that's how you view relationships and sex, then moving towards robots

Actually men using women as masturbatory aids is a phrase used to describe prostitution that I first came across on here. Don't remember anyone getting offended about it then

So as a mother of both sexes (still at primary), what is recommended with regards to educating our children?
I discussed a thread with dh last night in which the OPs dh had a workmate who flashed around naked pics of girlfriends to colleagues. He (my Dh) was v blase about the whole thing and said even if he thought it was disrespectful he wouldn't say so and wouldn't expect anyone else to say anything against it either. (I can imagine a group of middle aged men enjoy getting a quick perve in at work ) So if the average family man doesn't see it as an issue, how can attitudes change? I am genuinely concerned about the kids future with this.

I also think it is rather tedious to claim that "the patriarchy" is now mobilised and is adopting a "what can be done about the porn problem ?" posture in response to one study about erectile dysfunction amongst young italians.

"boys/men use technological masturbatory aids rather than real women ?" Is it just me or is the phrasing of this utterly repellant? The idea that boys/men use "real women" as masturbatory aids. Urgh. I guess if that's how you view relationships and sex, then moving towards robots and technology isn't a surprise.

I'm sure they will be able to grow children outside of a womb in a few decades time. What would the world look like if the sexes had no interest or need for each other ?

This is exactly what will happen. The sexes will have no need of each other sexually or economically. That will constitute an unimaginably seismic change for human culture. Whether it will be a positive one or not is another argument.

Probably a completely alternative thread - but can anyone else imagine a future where boys/men use technological masturbatory aids rather than real women ?

I believe this is already starting to happen in Japan. The population is plummeting partly because Japanese male under-40's are decreasingly interested in sex with real life women.

"Japanese-American author Roland Kelts, who writes about Japan's youth, says it's inevitable that the future of Japanese relationships will be largely technology driven. "Japan has developed incredibly sophisticated virtual worlds and online communication systems. Its smart phone apps are the world's most imaginative." Kelts says the need to escape into private, virtual worlds in Japan stems from the fact that it's an overcrowded nation with limited physical space. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind."

yourbrainonporn.com/why-have-young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

It is depressing that porn seems to have become an issue worth addressing because it's affecting men and their ability to perform sexually. That's more important than the wellbeing and safety of women and girls. Depressing but not surprising.

I think that robototic masturbatory sex aids and virtual reality will make the kind of porn one could access in 50 years time difficult for us to fully comprehend - but it is feasible I think to imagine that it will be "better" than the real thing.