Using 'Mrs'

Too late, but interested.

I use Ms and Mrs.
Mrs because I never was 'Miss Surprise', the Surprise is a remnant of my marriage.
Ms Something-Else, but I never liked my maiden name.
As a proper old-fashioned feminist, I considered using my mother's first name as my surname, so 'TheElephantofTheRhinoceros'. But the then-extant mother objected because everyone who had been named after her had died fairly shortly afterwards.
So I use Ms Surprise or Mrs Surprise, according to my whim.

I don't know why we need titles at all.
I hate the Miss/Ms/Mrs question - none of them are intuitive to me. I'm married but it doesn't change who I am - in the same way it doesn't change DH's identity. Why should it?

Sometimes - eg medical records - they need to know I'm female. Very rarely they need to know I am married.

Just to add to Seneca's comments on the US, I also think that titles are used far less frequently here in Ireland.
I don't think they are used in any of my formal correspondence and have never had difficulty in selecting Ms from a drop down list.
To 'Mrs' is very old-fashioned.
I am early forties, and although many of my friends & colleagues have changed their surnames after marriage, I don't know anyone of my generation who uses mrs.
I didn't change my name after marriage (14 years ago) and I'm certainly not particularly brave or a trail-blazer.
I have a PhD but never use the title outside of a work context and would rather titles would just disappear altogether.

FunFact: Medieval and early modern French had an approximate male equivalent to "Mademoiselle." It was "Mondemoiseau." Used until the 16th/17th century.

Why does is matter if there are multiple titles for women - as long as they all remain available for everyone. It is JUST a personal preference

Then why are there not multiple choices for men ? Can you not see the blinding illogicality of that ?

And please don't counter with that huge red herring about "Master" for young men simply because one or two instances of misjudged and misused etiquette resulted in a boy child getting a letter addressed to "master".

That never happened to my son and even if it had, he is not at the age of 27 and unmarried, getting letters a dressed to "Master DelicateAir"

Re other languages is there any language other than English which has this ludicrous situation?

Why does my changing of my title to show the commitment I made need to be mirrored some way by my husband? I changed it for myself and my husband, not for anyone else

Why do you need to make a public declaration of this commitment? Why do you need everyone who now meets you to know you are married? If it's so important to declare this commitment on every occasion, no matter how trivial, why would he not want to declare it too?

It's hardly a rigmoral to answer one question that's being asked to ascertain your preferred title

It's an irritating, pointless and irrelevant question which your husband, because there is no social requirement for him to publicly announce to the world that he is married, never, ever, has to deal with. Yet every women over the age of 16 has to deal with on a daily basis simply because the "Mrs" of the world think the rest of the world needs to know they made a commitment to a man.

Your last post is one of the most illogical I've seen on Mumsnet.

This is how it is done in French and German-you become Madame or Frau when you are an adult, not when you are married. I constantly get mis-translated as Mrs on documents. I like the use of Madame and Frau in this way, but still cringe when people call me Mrs...!
My son gets official post directed to Master badg3rson so I wouldn't necessarily agree with pp that it's obsolete.

One of the reasons that it's an issue is that people (and institutions) don't always respect the woman's preference, for whatever reason but none that I can see are good.

It's hardly a rigmoral to answer one question that's being asked to ascertain your preferred title - and if any judgement is purveyed on my response, then that's a problem for the other party, not me.

As long as no one is forcing me to use one title when I prefer another, I still do not really see why energy is being put into making an issue of it.

I changed to Mrs because I liked that it felt special to make the change on a personal level, I did however keep my own last name because I prefer to. if anyone had commented on this I wouldn't have felt like I needed to defend it, none of their business - it really doesn't affect my day to day life, and unlike many other issues where I am not directly affected by them but support them and think action and discussion are important, I do not believe using any given title will hold you back from anything. It's just a personal choice.

Why does my changing of my title to show the commitment I made need to be mirrored some way by my husband? I changed it for myself and my husband, not for anyone else. He signed the marriage certificate and said his vows the same as me, making the same commitment, we choose to show that commitment in indvidual ways. Some women may. It change anything and that's okay too, whatever is right for them.

Some unmarried may prefer Mrs to Miss or Ms and that's okay too.

Why does is matter if there are multiple titles for women - as long as they all remain available for everyone. It is JUST a personal preference.

neither do they have to go through the "is that Miss or Mrs?" rigmarole every time they give their name

Which is very irritating.

It matters because while it remains normal for women to change their name and title on marriage society expects us all to do it whether we want to or not. No such expectation exists for men, neither do they have to go through the "is that Miss or Mrs?" rigmarole every time they give their name.

quite liked going from Miss to Mrs by marriage. It felt special to have something change to mark the commitment we made

What did your husband change to show the commitment he made? And to show that commitment to each and every person he met thereafter whether or not his marital status was of any concern or interest?

I quite liked going from Miss to Mrs by marriage. It felt special to have something change to mark the commitment we made.

People should just use the title they want to use - I can't see many scenarios when it matters if an unmarried woman uses Mrs or what it matters whether anyone uses Miss, Ms or Mrs? I don't understand the grievance behind the issue. What you call yourself and why is no ones business but your own?

I'm the other way round - don't wear a wedding ring any more. It got a bit hard to take off (not sure why, my fingers dont look fat) and dug in when I was doing stuff like sailing so I just decided to leave it off. DH has never worn one - blokes in his family just didn't- so why should I if it was a nuisance. I'm not aware of anyone ever having noticed its absence.

I use ms and am married. Some places have changed me to Mrs without asking. I don't care enough to change it back. I'm still registered as miss at many places and haven't changed that either. I didn't change my name at all, which many people find odd. I refer to my husband, say his name, then say mine and they often ask again whether I'm married. It's a bit annoying. I'm hardly likely to have mixed up whether or not I'm married. It's the kind of thing you remember. Some women love that I haven't changed my name. It isn't something I think about and people reacting to it in any way is always a surprise to me.

But I do wear a wedding ring. I didn't even consider not doing that. That's probably a bit of a giveaway.

I think the Quaker philosophy goes back to the time before Mr and Mrs (and Miss) were used for everyone, where you genuinely were addressing a "Mistress" or a "Master", or claiming to be one. It set some people above others, which Quakers refuse to do, because we all equally contain "that of God".

I have said before that I like the Quaker forms. In formal settings, they either use both names without an honorific (agree it sounds odd to our ears) or Friend John, Friend Jane. I had a professor who was a Quaker and addressed us that way (Friend Jane). It's easy to get used to.

Given that honorifics don't actually correlate with politeness

Not strictly true. I don't particularly want say the garage who did my MOT today calling me by my first name and calling me "first name and last name" sounds weird so Miss or Ms last name is appropriate.

I do like it when German websites get translated into English - you get confronted with tickyboxes for Mr/Ms

My experience of foreign websites (mainly Dutch ) is the option is Mr /Mrs not Mr/Ms.

I seem to have been Mevrouw or Mrv DelicateAir on many occasions.

I meant that Mr is an abbreviation of Mister and Mrs is an abbreviation of Mistress (which has been garbled into "missus/misses") so those words can be said, but if I read Mx I spontaneously, with my knowledge of the English language, can't say it. Unless I insert an I - which is my problem with Ms too. If I insert an I I'm not far off Miss, so then what's the point I feel.

No titles for the win!

banivani but Mr, Mrs and Ms are just letters too. It's pronounced Mix btw.

I do like it when German websites get translated into English - you get confronted with tickyboxes for Mr/Ms, then an extra drop-down to add any more titles you'd like (and end up as Ms Dr Not Citrus, though I'm tempted to pick a whole bunch of them!)

Given that honorifics don't actually correlate with politeness, I'd like to drop titles completely, but computers generally say no (eg the job site I just used this morning)

Well, quite!

Mx - I mean, how are you supposed to say that? That's just letters.

Or banivani's idea could work - just drop titles altogether.