Does having sex with a prostitute constitute rape?

Re. being like a job - ItalianGreyhound posted this link on another thread which I thought was insightful.

So you're coming from the "prostitution is a job like any other" angle.
Which is something I disagree with given the risks involved (abortion, STI's, being murdered, the criminal aspect of it all)

A job is a job. You are protected by your union or legislation that forces compensation for accident or your family are by law compensated for death on the job.

No family has ever been compensated for the murder of a prostitute.

You must be blind not to see the grey area surrounding this so-called consent in prostitution.

Interesting thread.

However, none of that changes the fact that consent, as a concept, is totally incompatible with being a purchasable commodity. The very nature of consent is such that, in order for it to be genuine, it must be freely given. It is not for sale.

Does this mean that anyone doing a job is not consenting to do it ? I don't understand your comment. Given the definition of consent as permission or agreement - I think you're wrong about it being incompatible with being purchasable surely ?

I'm bumping this after mentioning it in AIBU, hope you don't mind.

Another one who finds it uncomfortable reading.

and not said a word afterwards.

...and there's the difference. Your DH did say 'a word' afterwards. Why?

He's obviously laughing about it now, but he was moved enough at the time to say he wasn't happy and felt pressured.

"Tough shit mate"? Bloody hell. I'm in agreement with those that are uncomfortable with that.

And if we were desperate for a baby and had to do it at a certain time, I would have done it anyway despite feeling ill/headache/not being in the mood, and not said a word afterwards.

Except good luck hope this try is the one that works.

Well, he wanted the baby didn't he!

But, according to the posters on this thread, I have 'raped' him (or female equivalent)

So I will go and hang my head in shame... not.

The part where you had sex with a partner who didn't want it, Maggie.

I sympathise with your fertility struggles, but if he said he felt weird about the sex afterwards, how is that about making you feel bad, rather than about the fact he felt bad about the sex? Would you feel so sanguine if he had made you when you felt ill, or stressed, or just plain not wanting to, because of timing?

Anyway, this is way off topic, so I will not comment further.

It would be distasteful, but if a long term partner revealed he'd used a prostitute as a one off say on a stag do a long time ago or something, it wouldn't make me split up with him.

I don't really care whether anyone found my post uncomfortable or not. I do think you are being extraordinarily insensitive to someone who was undergoing fertility problems, and whose husband had agreed to TTC. Then when she found out she was ovulating for the first time in months asked for' sex there and then as it wasn't practical to wait, and was told afterwards that he hadn't been in the mood... really, that makes you feel more uncomfortable than the fact that he made me feel bad for trying to conceive our baby at the only time I could?

What part of it makes you feel uncomfortable? The fact that I thought 'tough shit mate' (thought, not said)

Well, whatever. It was a lot more 'uncomfortable' going through fertility problems and then being made to feel bad for demanding a shag, believe me.

"I am all for men's rights but find on these boards that often they are disregarded in the name of 'feminism'.

Really?

Being a feminist doesn't mean that you defend all women's behaviour, all the time, at the expense of men.

Another who found the "tough shit mate" post uncomfortable reading.

I think if a couple really really want to have a baby and there are fertility issues, they have to accept that sometimes they will have to do it when both or one is not in the mood. It's a means to an end. I mean really, what's a quickie when you don't feel like it in the grand scheme of things compared to conceiving a much wanted child?

I didn't actually say 'tough shit mate' to him btw. I just thought it!

Honestly, it hasn't happened yet, so I'm not sure. I think I'd probably (selfishly) go in a bit late and lie about the boiler or something, or arrange a long lunch for us both to get home. (I appreciate those would raise eyebrows from most on Mumsnet though, so obviously not claiming to be perfect!)

I do get the "Quick! On the bed now! It's time!" feeling though, or thoroughly perfunctory sex.

Possibly tone is everything. Your dh probably felt weird as he wasn't in the mood, but didn't "not" want to do it IYSWIM. That's a bit different from being pressured into stuff for someone's pleasure I think.

It's all very shades of grey and difficult to put black and white rules on. That's probably why our legalistic interpretations of rape have been (and still are) quite inadequate.

Listening to women who have been in a similar situation than maggie, I can promise you that having sex because you ought to and not because you want to is the norm for most couples with fertility issues.
Which is the reason why fertility issues can create such a big strain onto said couples. Sex is a mean to be pregnant, has to happen at X and y date etc... not something done for pleasure or fun.

But yp, asking a man to have sex because they should/will be nice or whatever is always seen as ok because they can't do it if they have an erection. And they can't possibly have an erection if they aren't arroused/want to have sex.

That's forgetting that when women are raped, some of them do get aroused /wet too. Does it mean that actually really they wanted sex too? (I know it's not the case but I also know it is an idea that is being branded around and a reason why some rape victims feel so guilty)

klassy if you didn't have the time to get into the mood, if you were ovulating and it was the correct day but you had to leave early for work would you not do it, rather than do it and not both me in the mood?

I guess it did touch a raw nerve as I felt DH was being unreasonable in that situation to make a fuss about not being in the mood when he knew how stressed I was about TTC and then discovering I wasn't ovulating etc etc. I felt a bit like 'so what if you're not in the mood - conceiving is far more important!'

I hope you have success in TTC. I am all for men's rights but find on these boards that often they are disregarded in the name of 'feminism'. So it was surprising to see everyone suddenly defend my husband.

I asked him if he actually felt 'raped' in that situation (or female equivalent) and he laughed, so I guess he didn't really mind after all.

I'm in a similar situation maggie, where we've been trying for years around the "right date" when it's here, but dh has never once said he felt pressured or weird. We take our time to get in the mood. So I'm genuinely 100% sympathetic, but also a little uncomfortable at the description. Sorry if that bothers you or your husband - glad you both had success though

(Incidentally, being a feminist does not mean dismissing men's rights. I had an abusive mum and know only too well how men can be victims too.)

Awww the poor little man, being jumped on by the woman and asked to have sex with her because she's just found out she's ovulated for the first time in months.... how could she?

My husband is sitting next to me and finds this all hilarious btw.