Feminist but confused

Lass, because short hair is more practical, and toddlers tend to not care about their looks

That does not answer my question. At toddler age it's presumably the parents who are deciding how they want their children to look- why should OP have to question why her daughter's hair is long but not why her son's is short?

And having had long hair and had my son's hair fairly long too I'm not buying "more practical" argument.

Even if that were a factor why does " practical " trump everything else?

Amy, You have far more choice than your brothers in what you wear.

You could go shopping with them in say the Levi store , buy exactly the same jeans and sweatshirt, put them on and no one would care or notice. You could pop into Converse or Dr. Martins and buy exactly the same pair of shoes.

If you did the same in Top Shop and Russell & Bromley at best your brothers will get funny looks and at worst , well, a lot worse.

If you worked for me you would have to be smart in appearance. You could wear just about anything which isn't denim or sportswear or clubbing gear and it would be fine. Your male equivalent would wear a suit and a tie (which indeed you could too if you felt like it)

I'm not a fan of gender neutral. I often think it doesn't mean "gender neutral" but "stuff that boys can wear without getting stared" or as NobleGiraffe said "identical bowl haircuts and grey overalls".

Lass, because short hair is more practical, and toddlers tend to not care about their looks.

This is something I think about in terms of myself and my brothers. We played with a lot of similar toys, I always loved toy cars, Lego, generally were brought up in a gender neutral way in that sense. But we do for the most part "conform" to how you'd expect children to look depending on being a girl or boy. I have long hair and dress often in what would be called a "feminine" way and my brothers have short hair. Growing up I always had quite long hair so not sure if it's always been a conscious decision or parents had input. Also though I feel I dress and appear in a way I'm entirely choosing, who knows how I would if we existed completely free from any gender stereotypes. The main thing I think is to empower all children with as much free choice as possible in these things and oppose a culture where children are pushed towards what's considered appropriate for them depending on their sex.

Was it your decision to keep your daughter's hair long?

And your son's hair short. Why is it only the former which is problematic?

It's not how you dress them but how you treat them that's important. Your DD is a girl and your DS is a boy, so I don't see any point in trying to hide that with identical bowl haircuts and grey overalls.

But, if you dress your DD in a dress do you then tell her she can't go on the climbing frame in case she gets it dirty? Do you tell your DD she looks pretty but not comment on your DS's appearance? If yes, you might need to reconsider. Otherwise it's fine.

How old are your children? Was it your decision to keep your daughter's hair long? And what do you mean "dress mostly as per their prescribed gender"?
Do they dress that way, or do you buy their clothes that way?

I have long hair and shop in the women's section - considering that I approve of long hair on men and the clothes I buy are mostly jeans and t-shirts, I consider that in keeping with my feminist ideals. I cannot personally defy ever gender stereotype ever.