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Original poster

Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

339 replies

Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 18:33

My DS is doing A levels. In geography they have been put in a group of boys and girls - 5 students I think. They have to complete a project. The girls have organised and allocated th work, my DS has minimal work to do. He is GOOD at geography his input would help the girls. He is quite happy to let this happen as he can benefit from their efforts while getting on with other work.

His argument is that if they had asked him he would have gladly helped but they organised it and he just agreed. I really believe if the girls asked he and his friends would do the work to a high standard.

This has happened through out his school career, he and his friends almost expect it now.

So who is to blame the girls for not asking or the boys for letting it happen?

OP posts:
Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 22:05

Yonic - OK let me try this.

The girls have no responsibility, my DS is at fault. They are off happily doing their own thing. More power to them.

When they get to work and when entitled men take credit for their work what should they do. Because we all know it will happen.
When it has happened to me I have addressed it directly. I have found this works for me. I would like them to be able to do this, it's good fun. Could they practice first??

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Terrifiedandregretful · 10/11/2016 22:01

If you, his mother, can't get him to step up and do more work on this project, why do you feel girls his own age with no authority over him should be able to?

SpeakNoWords · 10/11/2016 22:01

Would you consider emailing the teacher?

Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:58

ethelb I think you will be an awful grandparent.

Oh hold on I can't say that because I know very little about you.

I do know you are judgmental based on one thread where I am happy to admit me and my DS are not perfect.

Thanks for the help and advice though. Oh you didn't give any.

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YonicProbe · 10/11/2016 21:56

"surely addressing the issue of a lazy team member is a valuable skill to learn"

AHHHHHHHHHH

Oh, jeff it. You might be a namechanger, but you might not. Interesting first post.

Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:54

Yonic - he mumbled something.

In a work environment you can't hope someone will just start doing the right thing. I have found directly addressing issues works well, "you are not doing x, please start", " y was not done please do it".

If the point of doing group work is to learn team working skills then surely addressing the issue of a lazy team member is a valuable skill to learn?

I am the one wishing the girls/the teacher/his peers would tell him. He has the utmost respect for the decisions the girls have made.

Also can I say again it is my understanding that is is common, if not the norm in schools. My DS is not the exception.

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ethelb · 10/11/2016 21:53

You are going to be an awful MIL.

Why can't you see the greater value in the organising work that girls in this did. He didn't take responsibility for being involved in the initial planning.

That was laxy and entitled.

Why does he feel he needs to be told what to do?

pippitysqueakity · 10/11/2016 21:46

I experienced
this kind of attitude previously. 'If you don't tell me, I don't know.' Just think, what would he have called the girls in the group if they had his attitude? What would he have said to them?
And yes, I'm agreeing with all the pps that it's not up to 'the girls,' to change his attitude, it's up to him to start to think.
Not sure how you get him to do that, probably needs to come from within...

Terrifiedandregretful · 10/11/2016 21:45

I used to teach in a mixed schools and teachers (including me) always put students into mixed groups, essentially to stop the boys pissing around. I've taught in single sex schools for years now (boys and girls) and I now think this is outrageous and grossly unfair on the girls in the short term, while also harming the boys' education in the long term by allowing them to freeload off the girls. If I go back into a mixed school it will be single sex groups all the way for me until the boys learn to pull their weight.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 10/11/2016 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YonicProbe · 10/11/2016 21:44

So you are in a position of some authority over your son and you told him to get up off his lazy arse and work on this project and he said no?

But you want the girls on the project to do it?

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 10/11/2016 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:43

Yonic not tonic

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Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:42

Tonic I left in the swears.Wink

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Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:39

Xenophile - or my son may be being honest with me.

I only know about this because he told me. The school don't seem bothered. If he hadn't brought it to my attention I would assume he was working away..

From talking to teacher friends boys really do not pull their weight in mixed group tasks.

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YonicProbe · 10/11/2016 21:39

"get off your arse and do some work you lazy tosser"

Have you said this to him? Without the swears.

Thanks for answering my fairness question.

SpeakNoWords · 10/11/2016 21:36

Yes you've been lucky. Many men would laugh at you and carry on, or worse, I suspect.

Xenophile · 10/11/2016 21:35

Xenophile I am really pleased your sons work well in mixed group tasks at school, my understanding is that they would be the exception to the rule.

Not really. I suppose it's the difference between enabling shitty behaviour and not.

Whatever, the girls are not responsible for your DS's behaviour. He is. And if he doesn't give his head a solid wobble, he will do badly at university.

SpeakNoWords · 10/11/2016 21:34

Email them then. I'd have been happy to deal with this outside of parents evening appointments. Or email to ask if you can speak to them on the phone if you'd rather.

Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:33

Buffy what he does or does not do is his responsibility. However, if we wish to change this damaging dynamic how do we go about it?

In my life I have found saying words to the effect of "get off your arse and do some work you lazy tosser" has worked well. In most cases the man involved has then worked. Perhaps I have just been lucky.

While the girls are not responsible wouldn't you like to see his face if one of them said that to him? I'd pay money to see it.

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BestZebbie · 10/11/2016 21:33

He can't deal with their illogic?
Tell him that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one or the few. :-p

JenLindleyShitMom · 10/11/2016 21:30

Tell him you are really disappointed in him, that you thought you'd raised a son with a better ethic than that. Shake your head slowly and with sad eyes For added effect.

SoHairyAndForeverSpartacus · 10/11/2016 21:29

Love it Buffy !

ChipsForSupper · 10/11/2016 21:28

Thanks. I expect I am. Most women don't really care about men with the same attitude as your DS.

Original poster
Weneedarevolution · 10/11/2016 21:27

Speak in all honesty at my 3 minute parents evening meeting before my sons A levels, no, I will not be raising issues relating to a non assessed revision task. But we have already established my poor feminist credentials on this thread.

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