Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

Well, you slap him down sharply for using the word bossy, you assure him there is nothing feminist about this attitude and you point out that he isn't being slightly self centred, he is being hugely egotistical and lazy.

In fact, there is not a single positive word I could find to describe his behaviour. he is being absolutely anti-social. And as such he'll find himself on his own in short order, as no-one wants to be friends with someone so monumentally selfish.

If he claims to be a feminist have a discussion with him about the concept of "bossy" and how it's nearly always used negatively towards women. Men behaving the same way would be described in positive terms. The girls were proactive, organised and enthusiastic. It looks like they made a correct assessment of your son's attitude to work and managed the risk by allocating him a small part of the work.

Firstly tell him to stop referring to girls as being "bossy" for doing something a boy such as your son would be called "decisive" or "a leader" for doing, Christ.

The girls are not responsible for your son's input. He is, he is choosing to do fuck all.

I would counter with asking him why does he need to know why they did it. He surely knows it's wrong and an unbalanced allocation of the work. So why didn't he insist on doing more or point out to his teacher that he was only doing a small bit of the work.

Have you seriously just asked why the girls let the boys do this and then go on to say that your son knows he could/should do the work but doesn't bother? Seriously?

Oh here we go, the usual sexist attitudes. Your son is referring to girls as being "bossy" for doing the work they're asked to, they'd never refer to boys like that. Why not call him out on his sexist attitudes?

If my suggestion of him asking nicely to do his fair share of the work is "tosh" according to you then what do you suggest? Your son is sitting back and benefitting from the girls doing the right thing. You claim your son is so much more high achieving than these girls so why doesn't he do what he's supposed to, help out and contribute? Oh and thanks for being rude when I was giving a perfectly fair suggestion.

I would ask him how it came to be that the girls were the organisers? Was it because the boys left a pregnant pause so the girls would jump in and start organising because tactically that was always how it worked in the past? Because generally unless you are traibed as a people manager, the organisers do tend to get more work because they feel bad asking too much of others.

I mean generally in group work there are various unspoken dynamics by which it's decided who will organise and who will do what. And generally it's driven by a wish to co-operate and strengthen friendships, as much as by the actual need to get the work done. There are a whole lot of social dynamics underlying who does what. Obviously in some groups regardless of gender, it doesn't work so well, and someone is lazy, or feels left out or whatever.

But if consistently through their school lives the boys and girls are not really collaborating, this suggests to me they don't see each other as socially important, or at any rate not as equals who share friendships and ideas and tasks with each other. That would worry me a lot.

Does your son understand the concept of society ?

I don't particularly want to pay taxes but I accept that there's a bigger picture and that it's the right thing to do.

Boys vs girls or group dynamics with a leader who is a girl and the rest passive, including your ds? It's more about group dynamics I think.

I think ChocChoc has an interesting point - your DS doesn't seem to be worried that he will miss out or be less valued if he doesn't get involved - why is that?

Well maybe you should tell him that teamwork shouldn't just be about what he gets out of it or whether or not he 'needs' to do the work. It's his responsibility to step up and take his share of the work, not the girls' job to give him work.

And I disagree - he absolutely is being lazy. Your reasoning that it's not laziness because he'd do the work if it was being assessed doesn't make any sense. It's both lazy and cynical. "I'm not going to bother doing my fair share of the teamwork because nobody's actually forcing me and I'm not going to get a grade out of it, so what's the point?" - not a very commendable attitude.

So he's put off by them telling him what to do. I would suggest asking them one more time to redistribute the tasks and if they won't, then he should speak to the teacher to ask them to resolve it.

What's his response to the fact that his attitude is crappy? He isn't bothered about what the teacher thinks of him? What about any university references that his teacher might write?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks I never see boys being blamed for this kind of thing, with boys it's "leadership qualities" and "isn't it impressive how he takes charge". Boys doing what these girls are would probably be praised for getting work done and showing such great potential. Girls are, of course, criticised for it and then blamed for boys failing to do their share.

So he only bothers to work when it's an assessment? But a task has still been set for this group? And he's only interested in himself so he doesn't see any point in putting himself forward to do any work, he's just passively waiting to be asked? Have I got that right?

Nope, still doesn't make him sound any better. The relationships board is full of women bemoaning men with exactly this attitude.