Anyone know of any stats on name changing after marriage?

155 replies

anotheronebitthedust · 30/10/2016 17:26

I'm at the age (28) when facebook suddenly makes the change from photos of nights out to endless wedding albums - but scrolling through it today I suddenly realised that pretty much every single woman close to my age I have as a 'friend' on fb has changed their name after their wedding. Not most, not even almost all - every single one!

Most of these friends are from school/uni/work/travelling so are within 2-3 years of my age, some left school at 16 but majority have at least a degree, lots with masters, post grads, etc. They come from, and now live, all over the UK, so some still in the smallish town I grew up in but many others from all over the place. Several either have previously, or currently do, live abroad. So a fairly wide spectrum of my age group.

It really surprised me. When I was in my late teens I thought it was getting more and more common a) not to marry at all in a ltr and b) not to take the husband's name. However in the last few years it seems like both trends have completely reversed and I wondered if anyone knew of any stats that back up if my personal experience is/isn't reflective of the UK generally.

I'm not necessarily bothered by it - although some of the reasons I had from the friends I asked about it did make me ) I would imagine most of them have made reasoned decisions why they name changed and are happy with it. It just struck me that if it was a true choice, then the likelihood would be that not everybody would happen to make the same choice and that therefore, for whatever reason, perhaps it isn't as much of an actual choice... - I know this is incredibly badly expressed but hope you get the gist of what I mean!

OP posts:

Felascloak · 30/10/2016 17:55

light I had a different surname to my eldest for a while (not married) and I hated it. Was a big factor in why I changed my name after marriage, until then I said I wouldn't. Was impossible to double barrel so I changed. It wasn't bollocks to me

Original poster

anotheronebitthedust · 30/10/2016 17:52

yep I think that might be my main issue with it. If somebody said "the name I had now is my father's name and he left when I was small/is a twat and I don't want to be associated with him, I really love my DH's family and like the idea of having the same name as them'...okay fair enough. I wouldn't necessarily do the same thing but it's a well reasoned point. Same if the bride's original name was actually Miss Hitler or something - yes I could see why the groom's name would probably be preferable (although if you hated it that much you could of course have changed it yourself at any point before getting married).

But as you say nobody does seem to give that sort of [actual] explanation.

Obviously I don't know the reasons behind the ones I'm not close friends with, but the ones I did asked ranged from 'He sulked when I said I wasn't going to so I gave in,' to the truly baffling 'We discussed changing both names to double-barelled but he's an only child so wanted to name our future kids the same name as him because otherwise he's the end of the line and his surname would die out with him.' Particularly baffling as the surname was along the same lines of 'Thomas,' in terms of popularity so not in the slightest danger of dying out worldwide, even if this one hypothetical child 'ruined' the family line by becoming 'Thomas-Green,' or whatever.

OP posts:

itsbetterthanabox · 30/10/2016 17:43

They can't explain it. I ask people.
They all have the same weird reasons that don't make sense.
He conveniently had a better name
'Tradition'
He wouldn't like it
Kids need his name.
Etc
I do know a few women who didn't change their name or where both of the people in the couple went double barrel (it doesn't count if only the woman double barrels!).
I'm getting married next year and he is taking my name. I was happy to keep our own or double barrel but he likes the subversion.

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 30/10/2016 17:36

Or maybe it makes them feel properly grown-up to be a Mrs. That's the most depressing explanation of all.

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 30/10/2016 17:34

Because people are sheep? Or they don't really think the whole thing through - just accept it's what you do? Or tell themselves a bunch of bollocks like 'it'll be difficult to have children who have a different surname'? Or they have disappointingly throw-back partners who would frown? Whatever it is, it makes me despair.

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