Anyone know of any stats on name changing after marriage?

It's funny that prior to marriage I was a Ms with a double barrelled name and now I'm married I'm a Mrs with my husband's surname.
What is it about marriage that makes you do non feminist things? I know some people view marriage itself as non feminist but I don't see it that way, but why do feminist women happily take on non feminist attitudes when it comes to some things? Reading this has made me see that I could have asked my husband to take my name and I should have put up with the fact that I always found a double barrelled name a total faff (cue sarcy comment from doinit )

When I lived in Germany everyone was a Frau and I enjoyed that. I liked the fact that my name didn't prove what I am.
However becoming a teacher in a secondary school- I was relieved to change to Mrs soandso just so kids stopped calling me 'Miss'!

Some women freely choose to discriminate against others in the workplace - is that feminist?

A non-feminist choice is one that perpetuates inequality between men and women.

MyWine,

Did your husband change his name? No.
Did he give up work to have children? No.
Did he do the majority of the housework? No.
Was he financially dependent on you? No.
Does he shave his legs? No (I'm guessing).

These are all decisions that he freely made/makes. That must make him a feminist surely? By your definition.

And if those choices don't make him a feminist, why not?

Do you think that the society and culture influences any of our choices at all? If we were free from any outside influences then you would reasonably expect that 50% of men would change their names on marriage, 50% of men would give up work to have children, 50% of men would do the majority of the housework, 50% of men would be financially dependent on women, 50% of men would shave their legs.

50% of men don't do these things. Why do you think that is, given that men have these freely available choices?

What if a woman boss decided to pay some less for the same work-is that. a feminist choice? To not allow her daughters to go to university because they'll "just get married" Feminist choice? To make her daughters lhelpnwith housework but not her sons....?

I could go on...........

"The way that I see it, is that the simple fact of having a free-choice, makes any choice made a feminist one. "

Really?!

If I appoint a 30 something man over a 30 something woman to a job because I think she's more likely to take time off for pregnancy, is that a feminist choice because I'm a woman?

So any choice made by a woman is automatically a feminist choice just because a woman made it?

So feminism means nothing at all?

the idea that if a brother and sister are both named after their father the boy's surname is permanent and the girl's identical surname is disposable is clearly ludicrous

It is. I can't get my head round this idea that a girl or a woman does not have her own name. If nothing else my family does mean far more to me than my husband's family. I'm not part of his family, why would I use my father in law's surname?.

I asked about names on re-marriage - clearly every one who thinks it is impossible to function as a family unit unless you all have your father in law's surname never divorce or remarry.

If it's so vitally important that all the family have the same name what happens when a name changer with children divorces and remarries?

If you take new husband's surname then presumably the children of the first marriage have a different surname? Or do you keep your former surname?

What Bertrand said.

"The way that I see it, is that the simple fact of having a free-choice, makes any choice made a feminist one."

There are loads of choices a woman can make that are non/anti feminist!

And as a feminist, I enjoy the right to make decisions that others choose to view to be non-feminist.
If I had to keep my previous name in order to be viewed to have made a feminist choice, then that's not really a choice.

I have made plenty of other choices that some might deem to be non-feminist. I gave up work to have children, I did the majority of the housework while our children were young, I was financially dependent on my DH for a long time, I mentioned previously that I shave my legs. These are all decisions that I made. They weren't made for me by my DH or anyone else, there were other options that I could freely have chosen, but these were my free choices. Yet they are still considered by some to be non-feminist.

The way that I see it, is that the simple fact of having a free-choice, makes any choice made a feminist one. It's when the decision cannot reasonably be made by the woman that the choice is non-feminist.

I was around 12 when I decided that Miss was a ridiculous title and I would never use a title that advertised my marital status.

I've been Ms ever since.

At that age I thought there was no way women would still be using marital titles by the time I was an adult.

But Kel, you clearly are not a feminist.

You embrace and enjoy traditions that put you in a submissive and lower status position.

That's your choice to do in sexist society that imposes all kinds of hardships on women.

You can choose to be a part of that oppression and celebrate it in your own life.

Of course you can.

That's the easiest choice to make.

But it is a choice that accepts that women are not equal to men and shouldn't seek to be.

I kept my name. I'm Ms Darling.

I was recently being booked in at hospital and the Ward Sister said "I'm confused, you list yourself as married but your next of kin is Mr DH and your other emergency contact is Mr Darling. Is one your ex husband and the other your partner?"

When I explained that Mr DH my DH and Mr Darling is my father, she said "why are you Ms? I thought that was only for divorcees?"

When I said I've used Ms since I was 18 because it's no one's business if I'm married or not, I thought her head would explode.

Taking your husband's name and being Mrs doesn't mean you aren't a feminist. Of course it doesn't. But it does mean that you have made a non feminist choice. (Tempted to say "anti feminist" but decided on the more neutral term.)

Taking a husband's name and using the title Mrs does not mean that a woman is not a feminist. She might be or might not be. However keeping her birth surname and using Ms sends out a clear signal that someone is a feminist and I like that.

I don't see why it's such a big thing for people. Every one has a choice, and people make the choice they feel is right for them.
I know there's been comments about it being 'traditional', but for me I was a very traditional bride and kept most of the 'old fashioned' traditions at my wedding- dad have me alway and passed my hand to my groom, veil over my face until I reached my htb, then my dad lifted it back, my htb did not watch me walk down the aisle, he remained facing forward. I chose to do all these things because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.
The same with changing my name after marriage- we were expecting our first child, and it as important to us to be married before the baby was born- that was our choice and I'm not judging anybody. I always knew I'd take my husbands name after marriage, simply because I wanted to. I was proud of who I was, and as my dads only child I was the only one who could have carried on his family name. But for me, that was me before I got married. When we got married we came together, and I felt that taking my husbands name was important because it made me feel like we were the same, sharing a family name- our family name.
I completely understand why many women choose to keep their own name, or wonder why their husband isn't expected to take their name, but I think it's a personal choice, and I know for me taking my husbands name was the right choice.
(Plus there is another reason why my husbands name means so much to him, but it's private so I won't discuss it)

Making naming non-sexust wpuld make thibgs more equal in and of itself.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that tgat us the only thing that matters and naming equality would bring any otger kind of equality.

There are a few countries where the mother's name is more often passed onto the child. It has not made them any more equal or less sexist.
Of all the things we could do to improve equality, I don't believe that women not changing their name on marriage would make any significant difference.

I don't think Nichol is an Irish surname. An example might be McDonald being Ní Dhomhnaill.

"most married women ditch their birth surname on marriage. "

Exactly. The child had the mother's name, but the mother had the father's name at the time.

In the maternity hospital, my kids were given tags with my surname, not DH's.

So is Nicol or Nichol a surname meaning "daughter of.."?

Men had more influence in the development of the English language, so really we can't make feminist naming decisions until we invent an enturely new language in which to speak about naming.

Until then all words belong to men and women only borrow them.

We are actually mute.

The girls are similarly distinguished via their fathers.

Not ime, girls (and sometimes boys too) can be distinguished via their mother's line.

Máire Bhríd Máire every bit as common as Cóilín Phat Cóilín.

Also the use of those names distances people from their official surnames.

You make a good point about bringing Nic/Ní back into the English forms of the names.

None of them mean "son of first name" any more and haven't or generations.

Being the daughter of that family makes more sense than women carrying "son of" names.

The reason that most children have their father's surname not their mother's is that most married women ditch their birth surname on marriage. If more women kept their own name, more children could have their mother's surname and then the "it's still a man's name" argument would be null and void. Although it is anyway - the idea that if a brother and sister are both named after their father the boy's surname is permanent and the girl's identical surname is disposable is clearly ludicrous.

My first name was chosen, my family name was imposed.

Yes there are family names which derived from female occupations, and names from places, but people with those names are called that because their male ancestors have passed it down to them.