Anyone know of any stats on name changing after marriage?

OP if you're still interested in some research on the topic discoversociety.org/2013/11/05/whats-in-a-name-gendered-naming-practices-and-identity-in-britain/

"for reasons grounded in sexism and the man insisting"

I agree that the reasons are grounded in sexism, but I'm not sure how many men insist, vs it being more of a societal expectation/norm.

I wouldn't want to change my name because it's mine and has been all my life, I wouldn't change it to yours to make a political point, though I see your logic.

Maybe insisting is the wrong way of putting it. Marriage doesn't particularly appeal to me (easy to say I know, maybe in years to come I may feel differently), but if it were to happen I'd like my potential husband to change his name. I'd like to think the kind of man I'd be with would be happy to. I don't think it's the same as men have been insisting women change their surnames for generations, and still do.

If there was complete equality then I'd agree no-one should change, but as women overwhelmingly still do, for reasons grounded in sexism and the man insisting, I think more men need to change their surnames upon marriage. Also if I ever have children then no matter what I would absolutely insist they had my surname, I'd be the one who'd given birth to them after all, why on Earth should a woman go through all that only for the father's surname to automatically be given?

Amy

You could ask, but I doubt you insisting would go any better than him insisting you did it would!

I also think we are all known as our names for 20-30 years, why should anyone change?

The name changing thing really annoys me because there is absolutely no reason why men shouldn't change their surnames upon marriage at the same rate women change theirs, but they barely ever do. It is so clearly completely sexist and not a free choice - if it was a free choice then the numbers would be equal, not nearly always women doing it. If it's purely about what people want to do then why do women always apparently want to lose their surnames and men nearly always want women to take theirs?

IamNotDarling whilst I agree the woman and the man each keeping their surname is ideal, I'd insist on the man taking my surname if I ever marry as I'd want to go some small way to redressing the balance of so many women changing their surnames, often being pressured into doing so by their fiancés (as some even on this thread have alluded to). I think it's about time men started taking women's names if having the same surname upon marriage is so important!

Sad when people can't comprehend that doing something because it's what you want to do it is pretty much the best, if not only reason to do something. If others choices aren't for you that's ok you don't need to agree but to pass judgement on decisions that are not yours to make is narrow minded imho.

I like the fact that there are so many points of view on this. (I wish people weren't so defensive and outraged, though. It's a big deal but you catch more flies with honey...)

Around the world there are many different naming systems. Once you realise it's a arbitrary thing that has been co-opted and shaped in our culture by the patriarchy, that's quite liberating. Do as you please! The 'husband's father's name' model is toxic to some and just as liberating to others. I think we can all live with that?

The main thing I'd say, on the experience of friends, is don't publish in your name if you want to be known otherwise at a later point. It aint worf the hassle of a double life.

Hi IamAmy why not just both keep your surnames? No changing required by anyone!

Not one reason given on this thread for changing name upon marriage is legitimate until there are equivalent conversations amongst men about why they changed their surnames to their wives' upon marriage. Any reason given would only be valid if as many men as women changed their surnames when marrying. There is absolutely no reason why men shouldn't change theirs other than patriarchy and entrenched sexist attitudes. My mum changed her name when she married and I've pressed her on it a few times, her reasons are the usual ones, not one of them doesn't stem from sexism.

I'm 16, but if I ever marry my hypothetical future husband would definitely take my surname.

"Ah, the sheer bliss of not having to spell my name phonetically down the phone three or four times every time I speak to anyone has to be experienced to be believed."

Could we have that on hard repeat on the Baby Names board, please?

I changed my name because i wanted to, i didn't even consider not changing it.

Of my social group i'd say the same as OP the majority have changed their names to their husbands, i also have one friend who retained her surname but refers to herself as Mrs.

I don't see an issue in whatever choice people make as long as it's made freely.

I changed my name because it is virtually impossible to travel with the children if we all have different names (to the country I come from). I can't change the government systems at force here so to make it painless for everyone, I changed my name.

I divorced exh and haven't changed my name back to my maiden name for the same reason. I will wait till the dcs are 18 (only a few years off). Even though I am divorced, I am supposed to get an affidavit and a court order saying I can take the children abroad without exh but I don't bother as no-one questions it as our surnames are the same.

That's my reason :)

Funny that Doinit mourns her unusual maiden name whereas I couldn't wait to exchange it for a more common one.

Ah, the sheer bliss of not having to spell my name phonetically down the phone three or four times every time I speak to anyone has to be experienced to be believed.

Doinitfine, his name is actually much easier to spell than mine so I was happy to change. Couldn't wait in fact. If mine had been easier then maybe he'd have changed to mine.

We are quite a feminist/gender-reversed family, I work, he's a SAHD, I make a lot of the family decisions, so I hardly think if i wanted to keep my name he'd have stood in my way (don't think he even knows how to stand in my way).

I know a couple who got married in their 50s, where she'd been married before and was still going around with her married name. Neither of them thought that was right if they were married, but they didn't think Mrs Hisname was right either. So as of the wedding day, she went back to her original name, and apparently everyone's happy.

Why hey ho?

Why didn't you give your daughter the better surname?

A distinctive name has a significant advantage these days.

You had two names to pick from and you picked the worse one.

Why?

Interesting thread this one!! I see where you're coming from OP as there does seem to be more women taking their husbands name. However I do know 3 couples where both him & her have double barrelled & are both 'The X-Y's'

I'm recently married & have taken a DH's name. I was previously divorced & kept my maiden name as a middle name after that marriage as at the time as I felt I didn't want to let go of my name.

This time I took DH's name purely because I wanted to, we have a DD who is 3 & I like that we all have the same surname. There was no 'bollocks' that we would have problems having different names - we've managed fine for 3 years with different ones - I just like that now we are 'The X's'

I still kind of in mourning of my unusual maiden name though & have ended up with a downright common surname but hey ho!

It's a problem because it was selfish of you to just ehat you pleased when presumably he wanted tontake your name just as much?

Why did you deny him that pleasure and keep it all for yourself?

I took my husband's name on marriage, I wanted to, why is that a problem?

I was going to keep mine

And then dh said we could change to a brand new one

Then his dad went mental

And then dh changed his mind

And then i thought that if he died i would want our future children to have something of his

So i changed my name

For what its worth i was 19 when i decided all this and it was 26 years ago so keeping your name wasn't as common ( and yes i know that women still kept their name...it just wasn't as common)

If i got divorced i would probably take my old name back, if i was remarried i would probably keep my old name. I would not mind if any of my children changed their names although it is not suited to double barreled (otherwise i would have done it when we got married)

Not an excuse, not rational but the question was asked and thats my answer

My ex husband changed his name to mine and our son has my (our ) name, it was very simple. I would say I am a feminist however I use Miss if I have to use a title (I really would prefer to not use a title) possibly Miss is not the correct title but I do not like Ms and I really dislike Mrs and wish titles were made away with. I have had surprisingly little negative comments about this.

I didn't change my name when I got married. This caused a very small issue on my actual wedding day when I pointed out (very, very politely) that I was still Ms myName not Mrs hisName. Mil had as much of an argument as she could with me about it over the wedding dinner. Her dh thought it was hilarious that I turned every argument back on her so in the end she almost agreed that it was disgusting that dh wasn't taking my name.

I've had all sorts of people asking what my "real" name is and wanting to know if i use my married name for personal things even though they know I haven't changed it at all.

I actually don't mind getting cards addressed to Mr and Mrs hisName, because we get a fairly equal number of cards addressed to Ms and Mr myName (because my extended family can't remember his name)

"I always consider myself to be a feminist, everywhere apart from on MN, where I am a sheep who makes non/anti-feminist choices."

Nope.nyou are a feminist who on occasion makes non/anti feminist choices. Like most of us.