3 yr old asking 'whats a girl?' what do you say?

My son was most aggrieved when he discovered that human females had a genital organ that gave them pleasure and that they didn't have to pee out of it.

My DD was convinced me and her both had tiny willies that were harder to see so anatomical differences between boys and girls didn't help!

Clever child! Apparently, she knew already at that age that she doesn't pee out of her vagina and thus must have something similar to a penis.

After all, the really distinctive feature of a penis is that sperm comes out of it, so talking about sperm and eggs really makes things clearer.

glitter

My DD was convinced me and her both had tiny willies that were harder to see so anatomical differences between boys and girls didn't help! She was also obsessed with where she was before she was born so we ended up talking about sperm and eggs and that part of her was in an egg in me. Strangely thar was an easier definition than the willies!
I think questioning boy/girl and understanding that biological sex is fixed is a normal developmental stage when they are around 3

Glitter . That's similar to my DS back when he was 3 - I remember him commenting that all the female playmobil characters (and lego for that matter) had "fluttery eyelashes". It seems to be the go-to signifier of sex in toys/cartoon characters (anthropomorphised animals in particular).

Sometimes I think 3 year olds ask "why" or "what is" when they really mean "tell me more about..."

It doesn't reveal some profound yearning for intellectual knowledge, they just want to hear a descriptive conversation about any given topic and then ask a zillion more questions all starting with why or what is

So describing anatomy, how kids grow up to be adults, girls you know, women you know...all fine. "Girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice" not so much.

Fwiw my dd (3) solemnly informed me the other day that boys don't have eyelashes but girls do, and that's how you can tell them apart, so that's about how much my enlightened teachings are sinking in!

I would say 'boys have willies, girls have minnies (or whatever you call them), and boys grow up to be men like Daddy/nearest male relative while girls grow up to be like Mummy. That's all a 3 year old needs to know, Imo.

'A girl is a young woman, i used to be a girl, granny used to be a girl' ?

Because of nursery school, lots of talk about boys and girls

Why "because of nursery" ? I don't recall ever having such a conversation. Don't children just notice this as part of their every day existence?



I really don't like the emphasis on girls growing up to be mummies. Women can choose to have children but it's not their defining feature. I'd go with anatomy.

His mummy, who did give birth, is his go to person now, as is his daddy (and not all men grow up to have children). The choice for women and men not to have babies is for further discussion. Obviously, the three year old understands that mummy is a woman/adult and daddy is a male/adult. And it complicates the matter for a three year old who is just starting to talk - though I do understand that with delayed speech, it all comes pouring out!

The difference between a boy and a girl is biological. When my boys asked why some people were boys and some girls that's what I explained - boys have willies (or penises) and girls don't have willies but have a vulva and vagina. They were used to seeing me naked and their girl cousins at that age too.

Presumably he knows boys and girls are anatomically different? If he doesn't find some pictures to show him.

Perhaps at nursery they sometimes say "come along boys and girls" or "are you ready boys and girls?" rather than just calling them all children. That might explain why he's talking about it?

But the only differences are biological.

How else would you explain it?

I think 3 is definitely the age they start realising/noticing differences between boys and girls. DD had a brief phase around then of saying she was a boy. She was figuring out what those words actually mean.

Then, expand, females give birth to babies, like mum did with you. Males help to do this, which is why you have a daddy. Just like when puppies and kittens are born.

I really don't like the emphasis on girls growing up to be mummies. Women can choose to have children but it's not their defining feature. I'd go with anatomy.

Why would you answer in a way that's not anatomical? That's the difference after all.

Girls have vaginas and vulvas, boys have penises and testes. Girls grow up to become women, boys grow up to become men. And boys and girls can do anything or be anything they like - people who say things are only for girls or only for boys are being silly.

And do you want pasta or baked potato for tea?

That's a strange question to be asked. And surely you'd just say "Like Emily, she's a girl" and that would be that?

Yes, that's kinda what I meant in my post, we as adults can read too much into very simple questions. I think this would be a good place to start. There might be follow up questions, but deal with the simplest ideas first.

Then, expand, females give birth to babies, like mum did with you. Males help to do this, which is why you have a daddy. Just like when puppies and kittens are born.

Keep it simple, they can learn the bigger stuff later in life.

Keep it simple unless he asks more detailed questions about the hows and whys. Just something like, girls grow up to become women, boys grow up to become men, but while you're children you're all just kids and it shouldn't really matter if you're a girl or a boy, play with whoever and whatever you want.

Might be worth thinking of a few people you know who don't fit stereotypes in case you need examples if he asks more. And/or unstereotypical behaviours of your own.

*online

Girls are female and boys are male. We are mammals, like a female cat and a male cat.

That's a strange question to be asked. And surely you'd just say "Like Emily, she's a girl" and that would be that??

What am I missing that would need answering inline? Genuinely!

I'd say something like girls grow up to be women (like mummy) and boys grow up to be men (like daddy), they often dress differently but they don't have to.