Rape and shame

I know sometimes it feels like fighting a loosing battle to get justice for rape victims but as small gesture I think everyone who has not donated to the go fund me site for ched Evans woman should do so and everyone should spread the word. Just type in go find me in google and then ched in the go fund me page

Well done. You've done so well. When the woman I knew heard the CPS weren't going to prosecute she thought that was the end of the matter. I wish I'd known she could have pressed the matter further.

Has your solicitor been able to set up the meeting?

Hope you are ok.

Oh Huckleberrry. Big hug for you if you would like one.

I want to echo what all the others have said. You've done a brave thing in reporting this in the first place. And all the blame, shame and guilt belongs on the scumbag's head, not yours. And that nothing, nothing at all that you did do or didn't do makes you responsible for what the scumbag chose to do to you.

I hope that the CPS reconsider. Take good care of yourself.

That's really good. Keep us updated on what you decide to do x

Well done huckleberry and good luck. Let us know how you get on

Sorry, no practical help over and above what other posters have suggested, but just wanted to chip in and say I believe you You've done the right thing in reporting, and you've been let down, but it's not your fault. Sending you some virtual hugs through the ether, and wishing you happier days to come.

huckleberrry

Can you re-read the messages? Are they only on your friend's phone?

Get the phone and the CPS letter to a solicitor.

Minimalist ion is very common. I did it too and it was used against me at his trial. Sadly the courts don't seem to recognise these patterns of behaviour. Do you have any emails or letters cb messages that may back you up? Did you talk to your doctor about it? Think of anything where there may be a record of his behaviour.

I think it is yet another violence / injustice against women that CPS communicate in the way they do. The OP now appears to think she made a mistake in some way or appeared inconsistent (i.e. it was her fault) instead of there just being a stupidly high and misogynistic evidence bar. Four adult male witnesses anyone?

www.cps.gov.uk/victims_witnesses/victims_right_to_review/

Might be worth following up.

It's not the police's decision it's the CPS. The CPS are quite hard nosed about only proceeding if they believe there is a good chance of conviction.

The police probably do believe you. It's not their opinions that count, it's the cold hard facts that they can prove.

A police officer told my dad he was certain I was telling the truth and if it was up to him he would be behind bars. Only something like 6% of rape cases reach conviction, so you've done brilliantly to make it this far.

And yes it does go away, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I am so sorry to hear your tale. I do suggest you seek counselling and maybe work with the support organisation to mediate with the police about why the evidence was not sufficient enough to meet the stupidly high standards obviously required in the patriarchal court system?

I believe you.

The chances of getting a case of rape to trial appears to be negligible and, given a recent high profile trial, it seems that men can behave in the most appalling ways and get clean away with it.

Don't read too much into the letter - the police told me that they were almost totally generic and certainly the one I received has absolutely no reality to what the CPS told the police about why the case was dropped.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. None of it was your fault and you were not weak at all, he sounds like a predator.

Huckleberry you say you hate the police for letting him do this to you. Was he a partner/ex partner with a history of abusing you? I think you should examine the discrepancy and consider asking the cps to look again.

I've been exactly where you are and I know exactly how you're feeling. However hard it is to believe, it's not your fault at all - you've done an incredibly brave and strong thing and it sounds like you did absolutely everything you could to get justice. As previous posters have said, the system is broken and stacked against victims in so many ways.

Have you spoken to the police at all? They were really helpful with me in putting the CPS decision into context and they can also appeal the decision to a more senior lawyer in some cases (separate to your right to get the decision reviews).

you have been so brave and done so well to report it.

I believe you.

You didn't put a foot wrong, you are 100% not at fault. Keep this thread, print it out if need be and read it again whenever any thought of shame/guilt flashes in your mind. Then maybe throw it away on the day you no longer have need of it. Nobody asks for this.

I stand by what I said earlier you are incredibly brave, and I'm talking the sort of bravery I can't say for sure I myself could muster in the same circumstances.

You are very brave, and I agree with what others have said; the rapist will likely rape again, and then your statement will help.
If that is any consolation.

I also think this is a flaw in the system, and that this has everything to do with patriarchy. The system is just not fair.
One shouldn't have to pass a memory test to be protected by the law.

I believe you too 💐 it must be horrible to muster up the courage to report and not even get to trial.

In my experience the perpetrators of rape tend to commit the same crime again, eventually. Hopefully you & your statement will called upon then.

Best wishes thoughts & prayers xXx