A Woman's Hair is her Crown

Sometimes, no matter how hard someone tries to come across as reasonable and how carefully they choose their words, they just can't hide their hatred of women.

I'm quite pleased you find us "disturbing". So you should- we are challenging your misogynistic and dictatorial attitude.

I expect however you meant we are "disturbed" .

"...There is more baggage here then in Waterloo Stations lost property department..."

Yes, Buddfox, I have baggage. I am not ashamed of that fact. I don't understand why you think it is a bad thing that I have been through difficulties in my life, and have survived. I don't see 'having baggage' as a mark of shame - as YOU clearly do.

But since you do see 'having baggage' as something shameful - I am at a loss to understand why you seem to want to ensure that your daughter grows up with emotional baggage about her appearance.

Your response to us on this thread has been angry and nasty - we didn't say what you wanted us to say, so you have resorted to insults, and are clearly very angry with us. If you show this anger in real life, when your family disagree with you, then I am not surprised that your dd tells you what she thinks you want to hear, about her choice of hairstyle - she doesn't want that anger turned on her.

You get a grip.

It's quite obvious you've posted this in feminism to create a stir. It's always a hot topic whether long hair is a feminist issue.

" Serious people get a grip "

you get a grip you nasty tight fisted little man and let your daughter look like a girl.

How about you get a grip my dear and treat your daughter like a girl

Oh dear.

Just a minute...you think we've got baggage? 😳

Yes, that's right, women taking the time to write considered and intelligent posts are baggage when you don't agree with them.

Misogyny 101

I haven't RTFT so may have been said already, but have you seen Chris Rocks film on this matter - Good Hair?
Movie night for you and your wife...

OP I also had b/g twins and the girl demanded a short hair cut at that age. I was giving her brother a number two, and gave her a number 7.
Some people at school were really quite nasty about it, (boys) and that was the end of her short hair phase.
Let your wife fuss over her hair, junior school life is hard enough as it is.

I can't really understand why you're so over invested in your wife and daughters hair that you feel the need to post on a forum.

Your wife can do what she likes with her hair and your dds hair is a non issue. I wouldn't shave a child's hair off boy or girl.

Why do you resent your wife spending time and money on something she's enjoys?

No, I don't think you should shave your daughters head to a number 1. Most schools don't even allow a number 1 cut.

Why can't you daughter let her hair grow without spending £££ and time on it? What's wrong with her natural hair? Absolutely nothing I imagine.

What would you think if your wife got a buzz cut, OP?

In many African countries girls have to have their haircut short the same as Boys as apart of their Uniform until they reach college. The idea being the focus should be on school work not Hair and make up this is true. I hated it then but thinking about now it was the best freedom you can give a black female child. You stood under the shower, swimming, went to bed without a head rap. Absolutely, no patting (for anyone who understood what meant), No chemicals, less grease. Not forgetting combing and the painfulness of the scalp after braiding from whatever style. Then you might need paracetamol because you can't sleep on the first day. The rash you get because the baby hair has been pulled to death. This is without the hot combs etc.

Op, the style you have suggested won't work in the winter. If your wife loves hair, their is nothing you are going to do to change her mind. There is the obsession people get when growing an Afro hair. The aim is to make it as long as possible. There is this obsession that makes you think it will one day be very very long. Your daughter will have to be older, when she can style her own hair in order to do the style. Probably by then, she will prefer weaves by then. (With your regards to your comment, you will cry when she discovers Brazilian age 14) your comments shows you know very little about the prices of black hair or your wife has salons that are very cheap.

I can see that you came across as someone who is a bit tight with money. Personally, I don't think you should use money as reason for wanting your Dd to have short hair. You, also, came a cross as controlling and trying to assert your dominance by using female empowerment as reason.

For the poster who thought the longer the hair the easier it is manage, it's not always the case. It depends on what sort of hair the black Person has. Whether it's been treated or not. How much management goes into it in the morning.

Op, your Dd will be alright with short hair. Your biggest problem will be with black women. They are the worst when it comes to passing judgment on black women's and girls hair. If you have, aunts and relatives, it's the first thing they will comment on. Your daughter, will pick up on that. She will question and doubt her self. I don't know how you are going to handle it. I would be surprised if you have lots of black women around you and no one passed a comment.
The country you come from, if from Africa will help a lot too. The people I have seen to be comfortable in general with their natural hair has been South Africans. I see them with more shorter hair. Not bald, though, in Africa most women don't even cut the style you suggested.

Let's us know you if do go a head with it and the reactions. Am always, amazed by the self hate people have and then projecting it on to other people's children. Especially the really out spoken aunties who rule the roost.

I would love to have short hair again but I don't have the courage to do it. Life long goal is to have short hair one day and have my freedom. It's not you to impose that onto your child.

Or because she sees how much more value she would be given if she were male so she wants to adopt male behaviors to be accepted by her father.

She has told him that she wants the same hair cut as her brother - but is she telling him that because it is what she actually wants, or because she is scared of the OP, and is saying what she thinks he wants to hear, whatthe - that's my worry. And it is backed up, for me, by the fact that he's never said that she tells her mum, away from her dad's influence/presence, that she wants a short 'do.

I am pretty sure that the OP would not have left out a fact that backs him up so strongly, and that makes me suspect that his dd hasn't said this to his wife.

Joining the others ...

I am tempted to cut it when she goes out the house, but it would lead to a full blown argument on her return (God forbid possibly a domestic strike!

See, this just isn't funny. Not really. It implies that the domestic work is somehow your wife's responsibility/job. It isn't. And women who point that out, are not humourless with chips on their shoulders. Those comments speak volumes tbh.

In fairness, the OP said he would compromise with a less severe cut than her twin brother. The girl has asked for the same haircut as her brother an this sounds like a reasonable compromise. If she doesn't like it, or gets teased, it will grow.

And there's been no response to suggestions of finding a good compromise either. So obviously OP does not wish to resolve but rather to control

I feel very sorry for this man's wife and daughter.

Budd - if you are still reading, please bear a few things in mind.

Firstly, your wife and daughter are individuals and you don't get to control their appearance, or their interest in their appearance.

Secondly - there is nothing wrong with having pride in one's appearance, or taking time to look good - this can help build confidence. You should want your wife and daughter to be confident, independent people.

Thirdly - whilst it may well be the norm for schoolgirls in Africa to have very short hair cuts, it is NOT the norm in the UK.

You sound very angry and frankly rather unpleasant.

When you didn't get the answers you wanted, you resorted to not very subtle name-calling - which is pretty childish behaviour.

I had hoped that you would read my account of my childhood, and my mother's controlling behaviour with regard to the colours I got to wear, and would understand the parallel I was trying to draw between that, and your desire to control your dd's hairdo - but clearly you have not.

You are not going to like this - but I have formed a judgement of your character from your posts here, and it is not good. I suspect that your dd is telling you what you WANT to hear, about the hair style she wants - because she is afraid of how you will react if she disagrees with you.

I might be wrong - she might want a short hair cut - but based on your reactions here, I wouldn't be at all surprised if neither your wife nor your daughter feels confident in telling you what they really want, for fear of your reaction.

Also - nowhere in this thread have you told us that your dd tells your wife (in private, when you are not there to influence things) that she wants a short hair cut, and your wife is refusing to listen - and I am damn sure that you would have told us that, if it was the case - which makes me suspect that your dd is telling your wife something very different to what she is telling you.

If you are still reading, you should back off. Tell your daughter and wife that you support them absolutely in their choices about their bodies, hair styles and clothing - and then back that up by your actions. Stop whinging about the cost of hair cuts. Admire how they look, even if they don't have a hair style you want them to choose. Support both your children in making choices.

Bless! Look at the funny ma calling any woman who doesn't capitulate ASSes.

Wonder if he's this much of a jerk with his female relatives and colleagues?

so - male dominated society teaches women that their self worth is bound up in their appearance. Then when women DO care about their appearance they're told that they're wasting (the man's) time & money AND letting down the sisterhood.

No misogyny there, then. just ASSumptions.

Following logic of OP - we should ALL have shaved hair. I suppose we should all wear utilitarian clothes of the exact same design, and eat one meal with exactly the right nutrients etc. Great. What an exciting life.

In many African countries girls have to have their haircut short the same as Boys as apart of their Uniform until they reach college. The idea being the focus should be on school work not Hair and make up

I rather think the idea is more about controlling girls' appearance.

Your posts reek of misogyny and a desire to control and belittle your wife.