woman loses residency of son she was raising as daughter

Fingers crossed she'll come to accept herself as she is and be happy. She's lucky to have a supportive mum who hasn't blindly accepted it all.

Thanks for sharing your experience Elsa. I'd like to echo PP and say I don't think you're a hypocrite at all. You're trying to do the best for your child.

I always think of a woman I was at school with. Back then (mid 90s) she was a tomboy with a masculine haircut and stereotypically 'masculine' interests (army cadets and football). People continually asked if she was gay. She always denied it. I have no idea whether that was because she was confused about her own sexual identity or she was simply understandably scared of the homophobia. Probably both. Today she is a happy, out, butch married lesbian, with two children who she carried and gave birth to. I strongly suspect that if she were a teenager today she'd have been swept along by the trans narrative and concluded she must be a boy. It's a very scary thought.

On the judge's ruling my DD would be taken from me. But my DD identifies as female, she just likes to follow interests in things that some in society see as "male".

So many different issues tied up in this. The one that jumps out at me is that even if the little boy had continued to prefer dolls/nail polish/dresses and show no interest in power rangers etc, wouldn't that just make him a little boy who liked dolls/nail polish/dresses? Why would that make him a girl trapped inside a boy's body? Why can't he just be a boy who likes those things??

I haven't heard of Mermaids before, but they strongly remind me of the Peodophile Information Exchange (PIE) who capitalised on the naivety of the right-on serial do-gooders to campaign very openly for 10 years for the right for adults to have sex with children. This was done under the guise of respecting children's rights.

Yes age I looked into it quite a lot, those along with videos of the surgery that my child would have to go through have taken a lot of the sting out of me refusing the blockers and hormones when offered.

Not offended at all, I'm hoping we get back there again someday

There are quite a few female detransitioners who've put videos up on YouTube explaining their experiences. I don't know if you or your child have seen any?

You sound like you're doing your best for your child under very difficult circumstances. I'm sure she has more chance of eventually becoming happy with herself as she is than a child from a family who enthusiastically embraces transition. Sorry for using she and hope you're not offended by that.

They let her get on with it and one day she simply said 'I'm going to be a girl now'

I so hope this happens with my child. The alternative is very scary.

I was discussing something similar with a friend the other day. A friend of her's and someone I know very distantly had a girl who from an early-ish age insisted she was a boy. She's grown up now but she did the usual thing of being interested in pirates and dinosaurs and the like and refusing to wear girls' clothes. They let her get on with it and one day she simply said 'I'm going to be a girl now', although she refused to wear dresses and maintained her old interests. Our conversation was about what would have happened if she was a child today, and we suspect that the outcome might be very different because others would have imposed their agendas.

I'm glad you seem to have been able to have accessed a range of supports and I hope that they were useful, Elsa.

"If contemporary transactivism is harming even the people it purports to be helping, then we need to ask: what (and whose) purposes is it intended to serve?"

I often wonder the same thing ... I have that image from the Wizard of Oz in mind where they uncover the wizard and he is a sad little man ...

Else I am grateful for you coming on here and telling us of your experience. I don't think you are a hypocrite at all. I think many of us here who are called "transphobic" support entirely the wish of anyone to live and present as they wish, and it's just when women's rights and privacy are trampled, and reality is sidelined, that we've started to kick back.

(I have no doubt at all that child-me - with my male alter-ego name and borrowed big brother's clothes - would have been in deep trouble if current trans orthodoxy had been present when I was a child, whereas I was simply deciding to be a boy at times because being a girl was so restrictive and generally shit.)

Ironic is the word I would use Step certainly in our case this new trans movement is doing more harm than good.

In fact another thread has just started about the story in the op with the poster saying parents of trans children simply do it for attention and special treatment.

Very few people actually know about my child as we moved and I want to keep it that way and have as little attention as possible.

I think you got it right the first time ipost 😀

Elsa Actually, we both know what I meant but I think I wrote it wrong....

the sheer relief of not being alone anymore can RAISE barriers to critical thinking.

We were fine before, everything is an issue now.

That is just so awful. I'm really sorry that somebody else's political project has made things so difficult for you. You could almost call it ironic but that seems inappropriate when it's actual people's lives we're talking about about.

If contemporary transactivism is harming even the people it purports to be helping, then we need to ask: what (and whose) purposes is it intended to serve?

The sheer relief of not being alone anymore can lower barriers to critical thinking.

100%

I have paid for private counselling, had NHS counselling, gender specific counselling and counselling at the gender clinic.

Because my child has no mental health issues and we don't want to go down the route of hormones as yet we have just been left to it now.

My child is happy living as is for the moment, so that's where we are.

The new wave of trans people aren't helping families like mine at all. For years we have quietly been going about our lives, not drawing attention, being quietly respectful of others and now I'm in a position of supporting trans rights to a point but having to defend my family when we are being tarred with the same brush as activists and people such as the woman in the op, and having to make choices now such as toilets and changing rooms (where my child was using accessible ones for years the school are insistent that my child should use the toilets assigned to 'chosen' gender now)

We were fine before, everything is an issue now.

Absolutely iPost.

They won't allow discussions such as that on there, one person says they are unsure and they are met with total support and encouragement. It is like brainwashing.

It's hard having a child who feels differently and is unhappy, then when you finally find supportive people its difficult not to get sucked into their agenda.

I have a parental choice in common with the mother in the judgment. Not trans. And I know EXACTLY what you mean.

I think there has to be room left for the possibility that at least some of the mother's intransigence regarding her child's transness can be laid at the door of self described experts and "support and guidance" bodies.

The sheer relief of not being alone anymore can lower barriers to critical thinking.

The not wanting to be all alone again is a softener to quietening ones inner "hang on a minute" voice, which leads to a smoothed, non fact checking, path to acceptance of the One True Word.

The status and attention one can attract by being "more ideological pure than thou", or "most victimised victim of all the oppressed and persecuted (by concerned officials) victims" has been known to encourage formerly more balanced people to become decidedly less balanced and become one of those who evangelise the One True Word in order to build upon their new found high status.

The high stakes of being ejected, perhaps doxxed, maybe chased all over the net and hounded as a person with unspeakable views, convinces many to not challenge assertions. Leaving those that do feeling extremely isolated, despite many thinking in their group privately thinking they have a point. But the atmosphere makes just keeping their heads down far more attractive. Even to the extent that they will obediently make the observable, required supportive and outraged noises when the shit hits the fan in the mainstream. Despite personal misgivings.

All of that can combine to leading people to a point where the kid's needs and reality matters less than the identity, status & belonging a parent has acquired in their support and knowledge circles.

Support and guidance left almost entirely in the hands of ideologues is really bad news. For kids and parents.

I thinking the problem with how this case is being reported is that people like you, Elsa, start feeling that it might in any way apply to your situation. But it shouldn't. It's a completely separate issue and shouldn't be stirred in together with what you've been experiencing with your child.

As others have commented it's really about a gender version of munchausen's by proxy and has nothing at all to do with children and families who are genuinely suffering issues around gender dysphoria. Given how fashionable transgender currently is and how much attention parents can get from insisting they have a trans child, it's likely that lots and lots of cases of this kind of thing will come out. And that's a dreadful shame for families who are experiencing genuine problems (who are all too easily shoved aside and silenced by those whose need for attention is served by advancing a particular agenda).

Mermaids are actually shooting themselves in the foot here by not distancing themselves from it. If they really did care about the children (as opposed to some dubious political agenda) they'd be firmly drawing a line between this case and the families they are supporting. I suspect, however, that quite a few of the activists have a very generalised case of gender dysphoria by proxy and are desperate to draw as many people in as they could. That helps no one (as you appear to have found, Elsa).

In your shoes, Elsa, I think what I'd want is clear, compassionate and unbiased advice about options including 'transitioning', but also considering a child's mental health status (by this I mean considering the possibility that their dysmorphia / dysphoria is a mental health issue). Instead, the possibilities seem to be the cult that is Mermaids and internet advice that is polarised into hostile camps. I do hope that you have been able to find balanced and reasonable professional help amongst all this for your child / young person.

When I joined I wanted to talk to other parents who were unsure, who didn't know what they were doing, or if it was the right thing to do.

They won't allow discussions such as that on there, one person says they are unsure and they are met with total support and encouragement. It is like brainwashing.

It's hard having a child who feels differently and is unhappy, then when you finally find supportive people its difficult not to get sucked into their agenda.

My child has been 'trans' for years, before it was a thing really, over the last year it has become popular and it's since then that I've noticed this notion of toys, clothes and colours being used as a trans issue, when it really shouldn't be at all.

MrsJamin

Re the tweeting

On the bright side, ideologically blinded tweeting underlines the tight, unquestioning, blind aherance to ideology. Regardless of the cost to any individual child. If you want people to notice cult-ish tendencies, adherents openly displaying them in a public sphere helps a lot.

On the less bright side... women's aid re-tweeting does not fill me with confidence at their ability to prioritise abuse victims.

Elsa, I don't know your circumstances or those of your child, but I certainly don't think that all parents with trans children are in the wrong.

What you say about Mermaids is chilling.

That is what terrifies me the most - there needs to be places for discussion and debate and these are steadily being shut down.

Elsa, your post is very interesting, thank you for sharing. I think the main issue some have (including me) is the shutting down of critical thinking, not necessarily the trans itself. Mermaids shut down critical thinking, just as you describe.

I am the parent of a child who identifies as trans (although I'm not allowing blockers or hormones while I have a say).

I joined mermaids a couple of years back. They have a few questions to ask before you sign up, they then call you.

At this point I was already years down this path with my child.

When they called, before I said anything they kept repeating that I was doing the right thing, constantly and without question, I wasn't even sure I was doing the right thing.

More and more frequently on my time on mermaids they unquestioningly told people that boy + doll = girl or girl + toy car = boy. They all support every parent no matter how ridiculous the 'story' or age. There are parents of children as young as 2 and 3 on there.

They all give advice on what to say to get offered hormones quicker, how to skip parts of the counselling, what to say to make things seem more convincing etc.

I questioned one parent and was kicked off for being unsupportive.

You may think I am a hypocrite as my child has changed names and presents as the opposite sex currently, but I would absolutely never recommend mermaids to anyone, they are dangerous (and currently have a campaign between themselves to stop what they perceive as transphobia on MN).

I know I'm probably not welcome here due to some of my views on trans issues but I thought my personal experience of mermaids may be relevant here.