woman loses residency of son she was raising as daughter

unicorns you clearly haven't read the judgement, the father allowed J to express himself any way he wanted. And the judge ordered Mermaids to have no contact with the child, which is pretty damning.

Such a sad case. All we can do as parents is our absolute best. When your child is 'different' you just know, the poor woman could obviously see something others couldn't. If the judge is wrong, the child is already suffering, living with a father who won't allow free expression - and hadn't been in the child's life for years. Why wasn't evidence used from Mermaids or other specialists? Too one sided. Then a gagging order on the mother? Something doesn't add up!

Thanks datun and Annie - apologies if I overreacted. Hard not to with such an emotive topic. I get what you are saying on an intelllectual level.

darkages nobody is saying that gender non-conforming kids shouldn't be listened to and cared for, and nobody is judging you for loving and supporting your child. I wish every good outcome for you and your child.

What many of us are saying is that pushing a child (and their parents) to think there is only one desirable and possible outcome to feelings of dysphoria (transition, as soon as possible), and pushing a narrative that if you do not do this it will inevitably lead to suicide, is a dangerous and irresponsible thing. This is why I am so alarmed at what Mermaids is doing. If that hasn't been the case for you, then I am very glad.

darkages

No one is judging you or your son and I wish you all the help and peace in the world.

It is unlikely that anyone who doesn't know me well will identify me from that deleted message from an unknown Mermaids member. None of my Mumsnet profile is public and during my time with Mermaids I kept a very low profile, refusing to engage in anything public. My son has not appeared in any trans promotional material or any of the films made by other Mermaids partners. In fact one of the concerns I raised with the Mermaids committee was about an adult who was not a Mermaids member turning up without members' knowledge at a meeting and wanting to take photographs to put on the website of their own organisation. I challenged them at the time as I was uncomfortable with this as a parent and I could see other parents were as well. This is a major concern to me; parents who maybe want the publicity and limelight for themselves are putting their children into the media spotlight. Are those parents saying "look at me, see what a supportive parent I am?" That can become addictive. In good faith they may be led to believe that they are doing a good thing as they are fed the line that it is good to inform the public about trans children and teens so they become more accepted. That material is out there then, no putting the genie back in the bottle.

Speaking of the media; yesterday I received a PM from an investigative journalist via Mumsnet. Watch out for more from the Daily Mail in the coming weeks. I refused to give them anything but they are going to try to find someone currently involved with Mermaids who will talk to them. So Hugh089 if you are reading, maybe check your inbox?

Name changed for this

Mermaids have been an amazing support and lifeline for me and my son who is on the transgender spectrum. Like previous posters, we didn't make a song and dance - took it at his pace. And he may or may not end up being a different gender; but it is certainly something he needs to explore. I'm not 'trendy' or confident. But I have a son who's years-long depression lifted enormously when he realised there were options.

I choked when he read the transgender / gender dysphoria definitions and sobbed, saying 'that's me, mummy'. emotive maybe - but until you've been in those shoes you have no idea how it feels (like many situations)

It's not 'trendy' or 'attention seeking' - I want my son to be happy. I can assure doubters that I would much rather my son remained a boy from a selfish point of view; it would be far easier! But as a parent, our routes are often not the easiest. So I will accept being judged as part of that. It doesn't matter. What matters is that my child is healthy and cared for; and that includes his mental health. I'm sure I get a lot wrong, but we can only do our best, and sometimes that means being judged by others.

Also if the doxed woman was on the committee then it sends the message that, if you step out of line, then you will be punished.

Gender dysphoria is the only dysmorphia/dysphoria to have been removed from the DSM. So, it's still regarded as a MH issue to want to blind yourself, or cut your leg off but not to want to castrate your child.

Hanora Actually identifying as someone with gender identity issues is no longer classed as a mental health issue.

No, but being suicidal is.

It's also debatable, although we're not allowed to debate it without being called transphobic, if gender dysphoria is a mental illness. Gender dysphoria may not be a mental health issue, but many mental health disorders are found to be co-morbid with dysphoria.

I've seen a lot on Twitter and elsewhere, even on that blog you posted, that people who haven't got a trans child don't know what it's like so can't comment on the issues. My daughter stated she was trans over 4 years ago, we've done the hiding sharp implements and pills thing, so I'm qualified to comment. I do know for us that we didn't go overboard when she told us, we didn't affirm her self-identification by using her new name (actually names, they changed weekly) or male pronouns. We were okay with her presenting however she wanted, but refused a binder and compromised with a too small sports bra. Those affiliated to Mermaids may consider it abuse, but we considered it abuse to blindly follow her lead.

We were referred to CAHMS where she was diagnosed with a mental health disorder and also referred onto the Tavistock clinic. However, once her mental health issues were treated her feelings of dysphoria diminished indicating the dysphoria was a symptom.

The statistics in that link posted only really shows that, for 70% of transgendered youth, agreeing with them gives them life satisfaction. These are young people, teenagers, children. You'll find the majority of youths are satisfied when you agree with them, as they don't think they're right - they KNOW they are. Teenagers especially think they are the first ones ever to have the thoughts and ideas they're having. Challenging peoples ideas does make them uncomfortable and unhappy - see Mermaids Twitter for how uncomfortable they are by being challenged, and the fact one of their members came on here to out a former member, oh and the excuse that there are thousands with her name up and down the country is no excuse - how many of those with that name have a transgender child??

There have been a lot of allegations of abuse from both sides following this case, what's clear from the judgement is the grave concern about the child's inappropriate touching of women and genital knowledge - both red flags.

Actually identifying as someone with gender identity issues is no longer classed as a mental health issue.

Hanora I don't think that anyone is arguing that it is not difficult supporting a child with serious mental health issues.

wafflealert.wordpress.com/2016/10/28/a-moment-of-deep-thought/

Secondly 'is the child trans' isn't actually the main issue. They may or may not be. The question is really 'is the mother suitable to continue raise the child'.

Yes exactly. Unfortunately the case has been hijacked by TRAs saying it's transphobia. It seems a very clear cut case of abuse from the judgment and it's strange that Mermaids are tying themselves up in knots insisting this child is trans.

You're right. The misinformation is muddying the waters. Largely because of the TRAs issue of self identification and the assertion that transwomen ARE women. Take those out of the equation and we'll be fine. Apart from the ethical issue of transing children, of course. (Which I agree is due to misinformation).

ATM
Well Mermaids are certainly in support of the mother. Their tweets have been prolific this weekend

GNC children should just be allowed to explore their gender and not labelled. There is so much misinformation being shared around this issue right now it is not funny.

Lovely to see the new posters from mermaids on the thread.

It may not be the issue ATM, but it's certainly highlighting the issue. Gender non conforming children are just that.

And the answer to that is no.

Hi everyone.

I can't comment specifically on the child J case but I wanted to say a few things.

Firstly doxxing someone is never cool and to Tuba. I am equally appalled at this.

Secondly 'is the child trans' isn't actually the main issue. They may or may not be. The question is really 'is the mother suitable to continue raise the child'.

There was nothing in the way the boy presented or acted to suggest he was trans

More than that, it is clear from the judgement that he emphatically identified himself as a boy.

The person who wrote that blog hasn't read the judgement hanora.
There was nothing in the way the boy presented or acted to suggest he was trans - only the mothers say so. That's why it's a scary case. Because "trans" is so nebulous that HCPS didn't question the mothers choice at all.
Surely raising a non trans child as trans is as dangerous as raising a trans child in an extremely narrow interpretation of the gender role associated with their birth sex?

What an uninformed and biased blog post. The one from The Transparency Project was much, much clearer.

growinguptransgender.wordpress.com/

I'm reckoning on a committee meeting at Mermaids tomorrow morn.

The Mermaids twitter spoke(cis)person on duty been on full time today.

Hugh, arse kicking heading your way