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Original poster

Advice on discussing consent and treating girls like human beings chat for 8 year old

34 replies

ageingrunner · 17/10/2016 12:45

I'm not sure if the cup of tea analogy is too old for him? Has anyone successfully had this conversation? I thought I could wait a while but reading the sexual assault thread has made me realise that young children are involved in sexual assaults Sad

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scallopsrgreat · 17/10/2016 13:23

My sons are younger (one is 7) but I've talked to them in a wider context of not touching people where and when they don't want to be touched. Only with their consent (I didn't use that word btw). Everyone, including them, have the right not to be touched if they don't want to. I haven't mentioned rape at all. That would be so far over their heads.

Small steps at this age I think.

AllTheShoes · 17/10/2016 13:23

I had this conversation with my 8yo this weekend - she'd been reading Little Women and we ended up talking about how women couldn't control how many babies they had, and the effect that had on them. Which led on to why couldn't they control whether they had babies (no medicine that worked), why couldn't they just not have sex (if their husband wanted to he could make them). I added that this was now against the law, and talked a bit about the cup of tea analogy because it seemed to make sense at that point in the conversation. She definitely understood it (though I did realise that the Usbourne book had left some gaping holes in her knowledge about how /when / if women get pregnant, which I remedied).

Original poster
ageingrunner · 17/10/2016 13:15

That sounds really good Soloman, I wish schools here would do the same. Not to let me off the hook, to back me up!
I was considering how much to disclose about my own experience today BitOf. Obviously not at this age but when he's a bit older I think I will share what has happened to me, as you say without going in to detail. I really don't want him to become part of the problem. He already points it out when he thinks something is sexist.

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Original poster
ageingrunner · 17/10/2016 13:10

I do challenge sexism etc. Have told him about the underwear rule. I need to incorporate respect for others and empathy about how someone else might feel in this context more though I think.

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Bitofacow · 17/10/2016 13:09

My boys are older (14 17), but when I told them that I had been groped they were shocked speechless.

I can be an intimidating presence (Hmm and the idea it had happened to me really impacted on them. I think they believed (hoped?expected?) it only happened to other/weak/drunk/silly women.

My DM and I had a conversation with my DS along the lines of the "who hasn't been assaulted" thread. We were NOT graphic or specific but we were clear.

We also discussed what they would do if they saw it happening. Obviously your D's is 8 so you need to be careful but in the light of the news and some of the threads this weekend we all need to be having some kind of conversation about this with sons and daughters.

Good topic, needs to be discussed.

SolomanDaisy · 17/10/2016 13:08

My DS and his class had their first lesson on sexual intimidation at school last week. He's five. It was discussed in terms that are relevant to their age e.g. you don't look at people's bodies when they're changing for gym, you don't comment on bodies, you don't touch when people don't want you to, how to say no and tell someone if it happens to you. This is in the Netherlands, so they started sex ed last year. I started with saying 'it's only fun if everyone is having fun' before that.

claraschu · 17/10/2016 13:02

I don't think 8 year olds really understand sex/violence/rape issues. I am all for talking about everything to do with sex very early and often and am not embarrassed by these conversations; I just think you have to talk about things in a context they can understand.

At this age, I would discourage and challenge even the mildest sexist or gendered talk. I would also encourage bodily autonomy, and just general respect for other people.

Original poster
ageingrunner · 17/10/2016 12:53

Yes good idea. I'll start mentioning it casually instead of lecturing. He did ask me what rape was the other day but said he couldn't remember where he'd heard it Hmm

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TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 17/10/2016 12:51

Just keep saying it.
I've used the cup of tea video but mine were over 8 by the time I saw it. Depends on child if it works.
I have the conversation whenever the opportunity presents itself. Its not a 'one convo' issue - it's a mindset.
I started by keeping it short and sweet and now we talk a bit more, but they don't want a lecture, they want simple messages repeated.
I reckon the 8-puberty is the crucial age for getting this mindset right, so have made an effort to tackle it frequently!