Advice on discussing consent and treating girls like human beings chat for 8 year old

I just can bring myself to tell my 7 yr old "daddy put his penis inside mummy" children grown up far too fast as it is, it's something that just horrified me I had hoped he'd be about 9/10 before that arises...perhaps naively ,I've obviously had the how babies are made with both kids, but been fairly vague thinks the Dr gets babies out of mummies, he knows what ovaries are and periods are linked to this etc etc,

My children have "always" known what sex is - that is, that a penis enters a vagina and puts sperm in, which with an egg make a baby - because we've always given them a biological answer. And we've always said it's an adult thing.

When some of the other parents in my child's school class found out, they were openly horrified that I'd "destroyed their innocence" but frankly that's bollocks.

It's just a thing they know, although thus far they don't understand the appeal.

Whilst pg with DC3 I was rather startled by DC1's earnest question about how you prevent pregnancy - fortunately SIL had just had a cat spayed, and I explained about the OCP ...

"Or you could just ask Daddy to stop putting the sperm in."

Well, yes.

eight, not out, dammit!

Well, the possibility of other kids "blurting things out" and one's own DC getting a really muddled version of the facts of life is surely a pretty major reason for making sure they hear the details from you, as their parent, first, so you can make sure it's accurate, age appropriate and placed in a moral and emotional context you're happy with.

My DS asked not long after he turned out how the sperm got inside the woman - he'd started coming up with various theories himself (of which he seemed to think the most plausible would be making a hole in the woman's tummy!) - so I told him. I must say I was heartened and amused to get the response pretty much every child since the beginning of time has come out with: "ew, that's horrible, I'm never doing that." I did stress at the same time that it was something only grown-ups should do, and they both had to want to do it and enjoy it, and it was best to do it with someone you really liked and thought was a nice person.

Hopefully I haven't scarred him for life, and at least if he blurts anything out to his class mates, it should have some semblance of accuracy and not involve making holes in the mummy's tummy.

Oh right I see ageing, thats a very proactive move, how will you balance that with the possibility of your DC blurring things out at school that could upset parents of other kids out of interest? Xx

I have had a similar conversation but in a different context with my kids since they were about 3 or 4. Basically, if you are having fun but the other person isn't laughing/ doesn't like it then you need to stop. This was about taking toys, fighting type play - but I was struck by how similar it is to anything else.

Equally, I try to say that if people are doing something you don't like (eg . Tickling) say Stop or come and tell me. Obv try and vary the message.

I have also been wondering about this with regards to 6yo dd.

Her supply teacher called me over on Friday and said that there had been an incident with her and a boy in her class kissing on the lips during their 'wedding game' at playtime. She obviously told them that it wasn't appropriate. I have since discussed with dd. She said that the Year 3 children were getting them to do it.

I told her that next time she just needs to say no but I think this necessitates a broader conversation with her and I'm not sure where to start.

I didn't anticipate this yet

Half - Which is why "willies are private"

Isn't 8 a little early perhaps? My daughter is 7 he doesn't know what sex is even,

I hope I've already been laying the groundwork - your body is your own, you get to say who looks at it or touches it, the same goes for other people's - they get to say who looks/touches their body. And rough and tumble has to be something everyone's enjoying - if someone says stop, you stop. That applies to tickling, play fighting etc.

This is what we've gone for. With three very physical boys it's a conversation we have very often. They are currently all obsessed with their respective penises so the refrain "willies are private" is on a loop.

Something I teach the children I work with is 'personal bubbles'. The idea being everyone has a bubble of personal space around them, and you should ask before entering someone else's personal bubble. Due to the nature of bubbles, some days they're big and people like to be left alone, and some days they're small and they enjoy hugs / being tickled. But because it changes, you have to ask every time.

Doc McStuffins (which is the other side, being too young for an 8 year old I'd think) did it with tickling, which I thought was a pretty gentle yet good introduction to the subject.

Good point Bitofacow.

And what would they to if they saw it happening to someone else?

Men need to take responsibility for other men and not leave it to women.

Also talked about raising it with an adult they trusted if someone did touch them when/in a way they didn't want to.

I saw your post on the other thread, ageing and I'm so glad you started this one. My DS is also 8 and I've realised that it's getting to the stage where I need to start talking more about the specifics with him. I hope I've already been laying the groundwork - your body is your own, you get to say who looks at it or touches it, the same goes for other people's - they get to say who looks/touches their body. And rough and tumble has to be something everyone's enjoying - if someone says stop, you stop. That applies to tickling, play fighting etc.

But I've noticed that kids his age do mimic the sexualised behaviour of adults and older siblings - twerking, hip thrusting, etc. So I had to sit him down the other day and try to find an age appropriate way of explaining why this wasn't right - that for instance, hip thrusting in grown ups towards someone just quietly minding their own business was often the start of more and worse unwanted behaviour, which is why you shouldn't copy that behaviour, even as a joke.

Argh. I wanted him to have a few more years of childhood. But sooner or later, someone's elder sibling's going to show them porn on a smart phone, then they'll all start looking out of curiosity, and I have to pre-empt that so he knows that crap is nasty and bears no resemblance to proper, consensual, mutually enjoyable relationships between adults. All without introducing age-inappropriate stuff myself. I don't want him psychologically damaged by this crap. I don't want him buying into the misogynistic crap fest that is available a few swipes away on a smart phone.

He is pretty good at spotting sexism, though. And very caring towards others. I have to just pray that those are the foundations I can build on to get him through the next 8 years safely.