Why do men apologise to other men when they hit on you by mistake?

men do see you as property, property of all men as long as you aren't married, property of one men when you're married

This is exactly it. So bloody depressing.

I hate this so fucking much. It has happened a fair few times throughout my life.

Many times I have been hit on and have said 'umm no, my husband is right there' or something..and its always 'oh sorry mate, I didn't know' Whilst ignoring me completely.

When I have been hit on by dudes and my husband hasn't been there and I say no, they pester and pester and pester. I have actually left bars because of that nonsense.

In total contrast (should probably mention now that I go out mainly to gay bars as most of my friends are gay and feel more comfortable there) when a woman hits on me, I just have to say no thanks and thats the end of it. Even if DH is there with me, she will say sorry to ME then leave.

it's simple i their little brains women are like a property

Sadly, I think many of us have had experiences like Fantome. And come across men who hide their wedding rings before going out for the evening...

sassh - I know an engagement / wedding ring makes your marital status public knowledge, but it was the word "tagged" that stuck with me. (And the fact it was an apparently nice, would introduce him to your best friend, type bloke who said it)

It's because we are their property. When I was with my boyfriend, another boy tried to dance with me once, started groping me, I told him to go away and he apologised to my THEN BOYFRIEND when he objected and he said.........."SORRY MATE I DIDN'T REALISE SHE WAS YOURS"!!

When first married DH was pleased that his wedding ring marked him out as "out of bounds" - not that women were throwing themselves at him - because it was easier to prove he was married and not get unwanted attention. I think it does work both ways in that sense. I'm not sure he considered himself my property.
Conversely, a friend told me too different men tried to chat her up and noticably hid their wedding rings in pockets or under tables .

When I lived in Ireland a couple of my male irish friends used to say that the sisters of their (male) friends were off limits. Occasionally if they really liked one of the sisters then they would check if it was alright with her brother first! Again it was like these women were possessions and the feelings of her brother were to be respected.

When I had just got engaged and was showing off my ring at work one day, a male colleague just casually said "That's you tagged". He explained that it meant I was now visibly off limits to men

But that's what an engagement ring is, and why traditionally it has only been women who wear them.

It's only relatively recently men have worn wedding rings, and probably in my life time that some have started wearing engagement rings.

I really want to explain why it pissed me off and why men think like that but I can't work it out in my head. Help!!

Because both your friend and the man hitting on you accepted that it is normal for men to treat women as property.

I asked my dh who said it is to avoid getting punched. I reckon that's about right, I've seen yea pub fights started by some little tosser who thinks someone has been looking at his girlfriend funny (so there is the possessive element again).

When I was a teen it was generally considered to be a good thing if your boyfriend defended you aggressively as it 'showed he cared'.

I think it's a combination of all of these things. Some men consider women property, sure. Some think they'll probably get punched for it.
Many probably think a single women has some chance of success, whereas a married woman has 0% chance. I don't think this differs from when women chat men up - they would avoid the married ones - what's the point?
I can't see women apologising to the DW though, except in a rowdy nightclub maybe,

It's like picking flowers. If you picked one in a park, that would be fine. If you picked one then realised the garden owner was right next to you and it wasn't public property, you'd apologise.

Because unowned women are public property (to some) waiting around to be picked.

Agree with Hanmah, they aren't sorry about the approach either way, they just want to make it clear that they weren't deliberately "goading" someone who might hit them.

I once responded toa tuation ike this with "it's easy to see why you're alone" whichesued in more posturing - to my male friend, who was little more than a colleague - along the lines of how he should keep me in order.

With these neanderthals it's barely worth noticing.

MrHannah is right. It's about avoiding violence. They apologise to the bloke because they don't want to get a punch in the face, and they don't reckon the woman is a risk for that.

I've been in circumstances where this scenario is reversed (women carrying guns on a peacekeeping mission etc), and attitudes are markedly different towards them.

I was looking at crime reports in our town centre earlier and noticed one described by the police as 'men being abusive to girlfriends'

Because they are worried that the other guy will take offence and become violent.

This idea of women "belonging" to a men is a sad reality in most men's mind ( and a lot of women's)....it sucks

There is a comedian - I think it might be Holly Walsh? I might have got that wrong - who has a gag about an engagement ring being like an estate agent "sold STC" sign, or something like that.

I remember being advised when I went travelling to wear an engagement ring; closer to home, sometimes I considered wearing one in the nightclub when I was a teenager, although I never did it, it was one of those things that was sometimes suggested among my friendship group at the time.

I have been considering buying a plain gold ring because of this. Maybe it is not particularly feminist, but then, the feminist solution to this would probably be to break the persistent hitter-onner's nose. Talking to such men is useless, they won't listen.

Yes, men do see you as property, property of all men as long as you aren't married, property of one men when you're married.
There's no other way to explain such behaviours.

When I had just got engaged and was showing off my ring at work one day, a male colleague just casually said "That's you tagged". He explained that it meant I was now visibly off limits to men

It's the same mentality that makes some men cat call and think that they have the right to pass comment on a woman (the sort that think it's fine to order a stranger to smile even thought they are clearly not feeling happy). I think it's partly the idea that a woman is the property of a man and partly the idea that a man's wishes are more important than those of a woman (so if a woman makes it clear she's not interested in chatting but a man wants to he is quite justified in getting annoyed).

DH used to work in the hospitality industry and for a while was taking a 17 year old work experience girl to see potential venues with him. Some of these venues were pubs and if the young woman was left alone for 5 minutes, even if it was clear she was doing a job (measuring the room, checking power sockets etc) she would invariably be chatted up (in some cases asked very personal questions) by some random old man. When DH reappeared they would usually assume he was either her father or boyfriend and apologise profusely. Eventually he got work to agree that she did not need to come along on pub visits but I don't think he had previously realised how threatening these situations can be for young women. The only conclusion we could draw was that these men saw nothing wrong with making a woman feel uncomfortable but that they should not step on another man's territory.

It's probably the same mentality that means a "no im not interested" is ignored but "I'm married/have a boyfriend" is accepted.

This. It is one of the few guilty pleasures I have about getting married. If someone is hitting on me - which, I must emphasise, happens rarely - I mention my husband within next three sentences I speak and the hitter-onner or chatter-upper typically backs right off.

I am not sure that my strategy is particularly feminist, but it is effective. I was quite surprised when I discovered just how effective it is. I think that part of it is that now that I am married I find chatter-uppers much less threatening, so I somehow am more open to talking, whereas in the past I would see every person talking to me as predatory, and be distant or defensive in response. So in a way it was quite freeing, getting married, because not all people are predatory. Some are just...friendly...with no other agenda...at least I get to talk to them now, that is a bonus.