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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Working Mum - Opinions please

35 replies

karenlovesgloves · 12/09/2016 23:20

I don't know if this is the right place to post or what my post is even about, other than a semi rant/moan.

I am a lone parent and have been at home with my children full time, knowing that I'd eventually start my law conversion/masters and then my career. My parents support me fully with child care, kids will be at nursery etc and I am supposed to start next week.

The issue I am having is that so many women I meet are gently putting down my choices to be a working mum. Someone I met today that has always championed feminism said something like "we're mothers now, its time to go part time/you should consider it..." I've had people flat out tell me it's a bad idea to become a lawyer because I'd never be around and who would raise the kids. Some friends really don't get why I would want to work, full stop. They sort of tilt their heads and look at me with this dough eyed expression like I'm insane.

I feel really selfish because I really want this, I really love my course. I really enjoy the volunteer work I'm doing and think a career would make me a better (and less poor!) mummy. I want my kids to be proud of my achievements and I want to be an example to them.

How do working mums and lone parents cope? Am I nuts?

OP posts:

AddToBasket · 13/09/2016 07:56

I got this from people when I retrained in law after being a SAHM. Gradually it emerged that at least some of it was motivated by envy.

Being able to study law is expensive and time consuming and carries cachet. It's a big decision and people can feel a bit threatened by it. Be empathetic, but ignore them, obviously.

YellowShockedFace · 13/09/2016 07:50

The could be envious that you are doing well, that you are not a sahm (I am not criticising being one at all) or that you have childcare from grandparents?

Miffer · 13/09/2016 07:43

I went back to education when my youngest was 15 months. I have been in education or work ever since (he is 11 now). Honestly I have never met this attitude, most people would go on about how amazing I was raising kids and going to Uni... although maybe this was a veiled dig that went under my radar. Either way I always found this attitude odd, I wasn't single my husband always pulled his weight despite working full time. Nobody acted like he was some sort of super man.

Of course you should ignore them, it sounds like they have issues with their own choices (which is incredibly sad) than yours. You literally can't do right for doing wrong as a mother. If you stay at home you are a mindless, busybody or else a lazy scrounger if you work you are selfish. It's a brilliant way to keep women isolated and second guessing themselves.

MsMermaid · 13/09/2016 07:43

Definitely ignore the people telling you not to do it. If you want to do your law conversion course then do it, it sounds good for you as a family.

I did my degree and pgce when I was a single parent. Dd1 was 12 months when I started, and my parents did a lot of childcare for me. Now I'm married and have dd2 and it never even occurred to me that i should go part time, I enjoy my job and it's what pays the bills.

Some people are stuck with outdated views about how mothers are supposed to act (remember, even as recently as my mother's generation women were made to give up their jobs once they had children) Don't let them force their views on you.

PacificOcean · 13/09/2016 07:40

I was a SAHM when my DC were little. Now I'm back at work and I feel so happy and fulfilled. I feel like I've rediscovered part of me that I didn't even know was missing.

Where I live, it's quite common to be a SAHM with pre school DC, but much rarer when your DC are at school. So hopefully you'll find the eye raising stops when your DC are at school.

Good luck with your new career!

Felascloak · 13/09/2016 07:27

Ah just ignore them. It's amazing how much society likes women to be martyrs to motherhood.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 13/09/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 12/09/2016 23:36

How will you cope if you don't do it? You'll probably end up working more to earn less. Some people don't like others moving on or seeking to improve their lot. I work and I'm a mum and I have a supportive husband - I am knackered a lot of the time but I bet I'm 20 years older than you

Original poster

karenlovesgloves · 12/09/2016 23:31

Yes! I think that's one if the issues I have with it.

I never thought I was doing anything out of the ordinary. Ya know, parent works to support children. Apparently this is revolutionary for the liberals I know.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 12/09/2016 23:22

Funny how you never hear the term working dads isn't it?

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